Chapter 10 #3
Rayden reaches out, brushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his touch gentle and familiar. “I know you didn’t,” he murmurs.
I turn, pressing my back against the wall beside him, the rough brick scraping my spine. My head tips back, and I stare at the dark sky above us.
“I’m a mess, Ray,” I whisper.
I hear the tired smile in his voice. “Aren’t we all?”
Maybe. But he can’t be as messy as me; I just pictured my grumpy, horrible, ruthless asshole of a husband as Rayden, my sweet, steady ex-boyfriend kissed me.
And worse than that, is the fact that I even kissed him.
Rayden and I never kiss.
It’s too much…
My eyes flutter closed. “I shouldn’t have…” I trail off, swallowing the lump in my throat.
“I know,” he murmurs. His hand finds mine, fingers curling around mine. “It’s okay, Mils. You didn’t mean to kiss me. I won’t hold it against you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say softly, eyes still closed.
“Don’t be.” His voice is warm. “One day, you’ll kiss me for real. And you’ll mean every single second of it.”
My eyes snap open. He’s watching me—really watching me. His words splinter through my chest, and everything aches. For a moment, I can’t breathe. I wish I could believe him. I wish I could be that girl—the one he dreams about, the one he’d fight for. The one from before the war.
But I just don’t know if I can find her.
Be her.
And that hurts more than anything else.
“You should give Nina a chance,” I whisper, voice so small it’s almost inaudible. “She’ll treat you better than I do.”
He frowns. “Mils—”
“Let’s go back to the party.” I force a small, shaky smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. Slipping my hand from his, I peel away from the wall and stumble slightly in my heels. Running my hands through my hair, I smooth it down.
For a second, Rayden just stares at me, eyes taking in every inch… head to goddamn toe. And suddenly, I regret wearing the dress he likes.
He nods, pushing off the wall. “Hey,” he says, hand finding my arm. “Nina could never replace you.”
The words hit harder than they should. They’re sweet and selfless. They should make me happy, but instead… they tear me open.
Because I don’t deserve them.
I don’t deserve him.
My thoughts spin, still dizzy from drink, but his words are enough to sober me in a single second. He’s so sure of his words, so sure that I’m enough for him.
Me.
My lips part. And in that silence, he smiles, tearing his eyes from mine before clearing his throat.
“We shouldn’t go back in together,” he says, voice resigned.
I just nod. “I’ll go to the front door,” I say, pointing at the alley behind. He nods, and I turn away, head dropping before the ache in my chest can spread.
I walk down the side of the house, streetlights bathing me in a bright orange glow. My heels click against the pavement, pulse pounding fiercely in time with every step. Each beat echoes his words in my skull…
Nina could never replace you. Nina. Could. Never. Replace. You.
I round the corner, and the moment I open the front door the party can be heard—laughter and low music drifting onto the quiet street.
My heart begins to pound. How far away are these volunteers keeping an eye out for Enforcers?
I force my way inside, the air immediately hot and stifling. The makeshift dancefloor of wooden offcuts is sticky beneath my boots.
It’s time I called it a night. This isn’t the fun-filled party I was hoping for.
I need to find Sam and Heidi, let them know I’m leaving.
A handful of partygoers lean against the living room walls, drunk and laughing, some grinding against one another. No one notices as I push towards the kitchen, eyes scanning for my friends.
Rayden steps through the back door, immediately greeting one of his mates.
A hand clamps around my arm.
I’m scowling before I even see who’s grabbed me.
I turn.
Nina.
Her grip is iron, and her long nails bite into my skin. Up close, she’s exactly what I expected. Short, flat, brunette hair is tucked behind her ears, and she wears a plain white T-shirt tucked into a denim skirt with trainers on her feet. She’s basic. Effortlessly basic.
Boring.
Maybe it’s the beer, maybe it’s the bitter knot inside my chest, but a smirk spreads across my face at the sight of her outraged expression.
“Do you think I’m stupid?” Nina spits, voice loud and raw.
Multiple heads swivel and the music drops as everyone turns.
“Rayden disappears, you with him, and then you stroll back in from opposite doors like nothing happened?” She’s easily louder than the goddamn music, and my heart begins to race.
“What, were you hoping no one would notice you fucking someone else’s husband? I should report you!”
Her threat slices straight through the haze of alcohol. I can already see it—whispers spreading, Enforcers hearing them, a knock at the door—
Fear slides down my spine, hot and electric, before it hardens into fury.
My tolerance snaps. Wrenching my arm from hers, I step forward until I’m towering over her, my voice low and uneven.
“Fucking try it,” I dare, voice rough with fury.