Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Emilia
Iawake the next morning to someone nudging me, their arm brushing against my stomach. I instantly bolt upright, fear clawing up my throat, eyes wide, searching for the intruder.
“It’s me,” Zac says quickly from where he’s perched on the edge of the bed, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. The sight of him makes my stomach twist—half relief, half irritation.
“What are you doing in here?”
He doesn’t answer right away. He sits there, brow furrowed, looking anywhere but at me. “I’ve been thinking. And… I’m ready to tell you the truth.”
I shuffle upright, the duvet falling from my body. My heart stutters when his eyes linger on me for a fraction too long, before his jaw tightens, and he looks away.
“You are?”
He shrugs, tense. “There are some things you deserve to know.”
“Even though you hate me?”
His lips twitch into something close to a grimace. “I don’t hate you, Emilia. I never have.”
“Oh.” Heat flickers through me.
“Yeah.”
Something shines in his eyes. It’s intense, dangerous, hungry, and amused all at once. I tilt my head and I give him what I hope comes across as a let’s-call-a-truce kind of smile.
His brow furrows. “I have to go to work,” he utters, tone deeper than usual.
I blink, and my voice wavers. “Now?”
“Yeah. And your alarm will be going off in three minutes.” He glances towards the window, visibly swallowing, before looking back at me. Pale sunlight is spilling through the blinds.
“But…”
“I have to go to Manchester today. I should be back around the same time as you. We’ll talk then.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” he says, voice low and unwavering.
I narrow my eyes and cross my arms over my chest, trying to mask the flutter in my stomach. “You mean it? You aren’t just saying this because you plan to run off and I’ll never see you again?” I mutter, sharper than intended.
His expression darkens, a cloud of something somber flickering in his eyes. “I’ll be back, Emilia.”
Two beats, and then he nods, more to himself than to me. The brief, fleeting action sends a strange, welcome wave of warmth through me, and then he’s standing, disappearing out of my room.
I watch him go, the air between us still humming with tension.
Once he’s gone, I press my palms to my face and fall back against the cushions, utterly surprised by what just happened.
I smile, my stomach fluttering with anticipation.
I need to hear him say the rest, to finally know the truth, the secrets, the reality behind his facade.
And by the time he gets home, I’ll be ready for anything he’s going to throw my way.
The day drags, long and dull, my mind roaring with potential answers Zac might give me.
I imagine an underground rebellious faction indulging in everything the State has ever outlawed.
A group of people who have gone under the State’s radar, living in secret.
I imagine that Zac’s a super spy, him and Sourdough girl undercover State agents, or that he’s got a second family in hiding…
absolutely nothing is off limits as the hours pass by.
And as the ideas get more and more ridiculous, I decide to try to forget the conversation that’s coming; I’ll find out soon enough anyway.
I head back to the Married Sector with Kayla, walking through the streets with my bag hugged to my chest as she tells me about the absolute disaster of a fish pie she attempted to cook the night before.
“I don’t know how, but honestly, the whole house smelt like rotten egg,” she says, grimacing. I laugh as we turn onto our street. My eyes immediately spot the familiar brunette girl a few doors down, fiddling with her keys outside Number 14.
“Heidi!” I call out.
She turns, abandoning her attempt and stepping back into the street. “Mils,” she greets, before shooting Kayla a grin. “Good day?”
“The best,” Kayla mutters dryly.
“You?” I ask. Heidi shrugs, wrinkling her nose.
“It’s my day off tomorrow,” Kayla sighs. “I’m spending it curled up in my courtyard, soaking up some sun.”
“It’s supposed to rain,” Heidi says.
Kayla groans, shifting her weight. “You’re kidding?”
Heidi smirks, shrugging. “Sorry. Big weather front coming through.” Kayla pouts dramatically. “Weather Department,” Heidi says with a mock salute. “Always here to ruin your day.”
“Guess I’ll just have to find something else to do.” Kayla sighs. “Still… Jace is finally talking to me again, so maybe he’ll be up for entertaining me.”
“Speaking of…” Heidi flicks her gaze to me, and Kayla follows, both of them grinning. “Anything?”
“No.”
“Not at all?” Kayla presses, brow furrowing.
“Not yet,” I admit, heat creeping up my neck. “But…”
I trail off, thinking about Zac sitting on the edge of my bed, his gaze trailing over me before he tore his eyes away. I think of all of Zac’s secrets out in the open and about what that could mean… The thought makes my stomach twist and my chest tighten all at once.
“Maybe soon,” I say softly.
“Glad to hear it.” Kayla smirks. “And I bet he’ll be a much more approachable person after. That man is just a ball of tension, and a dose of Emilia will solve everything.”
I roll my eyes, though the corner of my mouth betrays me with the hint of a smile. “I doubt it.”
“Trust me. He won’t be running from you after this.”
“You had sex with Zac?” Sam’s voice rips through our little bubble, suddenly appearing behind Heidi with a confused and slightly disgruntled look.
“What? No. Not that it’s any of your business.” I cross my arms, fingers digging into my skin. I arch a brow at him, small and controlled, hiding the stirring emotions within.
“Why would you want to?”
I step forward, lip pursing at his words. “Excuse me?”
“Don’t you have any self-respect? He hardly treats you well,” Sam says, frowning.
My brows hike. “Sam, I’m not about to start asking for your approval of the people in my bed.”
“Mils, you deserve more—”
I snap, cutting him off, “I’m a grown woman, Sam.”
He bristles. “Then act like it.”
His words land like a blow. Slowly, I take a breath, letting it out through my nose.
My arms uncross, hand going to my bag strap and tightening around it until the fake leather cracks.
Sam’s been with me through it all; through the Rayden years at school, the post war grief, the terror over being married off.
He’s seen me at my lowest, helped picked me up and reminded me that I’m worth more than anything the State throws at me.
But that’s not the Sam staring back at me right now.
For the first time, I don’t try to be polite. The laugh that comes out of me is humourless and edged with something fierce.
“Sam!” Heidi exclaims, whirling around and slapping her hand against his chest, a glare on her face.
“If a girl wants to sleep with someone, Sam, they can,” I say, voice flat. I turn my back on him, shoulders squared and step into the street, the soles of my boots catching on loose gravel.
“He doesn’t even want anything to do with you,” Sam calls after me.
My shoulders tighten as Zac’s smirk flashes into my head, but I quickly shove the image out of my mind. “And what ever gave you the impression that I want anything more to do with him?” I say, tilting my head as I turn back to face him.
He snorts. “I don’t believe you.”
“I’m the one who’s trying to initiate it, Sam.”
“So what? You’re just casually fucking him now? Mils, he isn’t—”
The laugh that comes out of me this time is pure venom. “Do you know what? Yeah. That’s the fucking plan.”
“Mils?” The familiar voice cuts through the air, and I glance up to see Rayden standing a few feet away, eyes darting between Sam and me, confusion written over his face. “Everything okay?”
“Well, isn’t this fantastic?” Kayla mutters beside me.
Sam barks a humourless laugh, gesturing between us. “You fucking him was better than Zac!”
“You’re having sex with Zac?” Rayden blurts, voice sharp with disbelief.
Fucking hell. I’m going to explode.
“Bloody hell,” Kayla groans, dragging a hand down her face.
Once, years ago, when we were at school, Kayla walked in on Rayden and I, my legs locked around him, his tongue tangling with mine as we lay on a table in an empty classroom.
The explosive argument that followed ended in her slapping me before I lunged, pulling at her hair extensions.
All the while, Rayden yelled for us to stop, trying to barrel his way between.
At the time the war hit, Rayden and I weren’t together—he and Kayla were.
We believed her to be dead for two years, until she was brought back from York to Nottingham.
She’d begged the State for years to be allowed to return, but Rayden and I had moved on by then, school drama a thing of the past. He’d always wanted an exclusive relationship, but I refused, adamant I would never let myself feel the way I used to ever again. I’d lost too much.
And either way, Rayden and I being together would’ve absolutely destroyed us when the State came along with their arranged marriages.
Instead, we settled for our casual hook-ups that the State never suspected.
It’s funny how life works out.
I turn on Rayden. “Just like you are with Nina,” I snap.
“Mils, I thought we were waiting—”
“What?” I exclaim.
“Wait, are you two still...?” Sam points between us, mouth open and eyes wide.
“Yeah,” Rayden says before I can even breathe.
“What?” My voice rises an octave. “Are you fucking mad?”
“Mils!” Sam exclaims, eyes wide, shaking his head like he’s my goddamn dad.
“Well…” Ray rubs the back of his neck, eyes darting away. “We’re on hold—”
Sam points at me. “You’re asking for fucking trouble, Emilia!”
I step towards him, fists tight to my sides, fighting the urge to launch them into his face. “How? Zac is literally the only one I’m legally allowed to fuck. So what’s. The. Issue?”
He flinches but doesn’t back down, jaw tight with anger.
“Sam, leave it!” Heidi begs, stepping between us, one hand pressing against his chest. Her face is pale, darting between us.