Chapter 10
LAINA
I’d had the entire house to myself since I arrived around noon, which had been perfect because it gave me plenty of time to move some of my stuff into the biggest guest room before I restocked the kitchen.
It had only taken five days for the fridge to end up half empty, and I’d been in the mood to cook since I hadn’t been able to all week.
Since I couldn’t be sure what time Bennett and Lucy would be home, I decided to make a loaf of sourdough and a meatloaf. They’d made a delicious dinner for me, and they could be easily paired together for cold sandwiches that went perfectly with Lucy’s favorite pasta salad, which I also made.
By the time the garage door rumbled up, my belly was full, and everything was cleaned up, with the leftovers in the fridge.
I was at the counter pouring a glass of wine when I heard a car door slam shut. Then Lucy’s footsteps in the butler’s pantry that connected the garage to the kitchen. I set the glass down and turned to face the doorway as my daughter came hurtling into the room.
“Mom!” Lucy dropped her backpack on the floor and rushed toward me. “I missed you so much.”
I opened my arms, and she walked straight into them. She was growing every day, but she still fit perfectly against me.
I held her tightly and rested my cheek against her hair. “I missed you too, sweetie.”
Her arms tightened around my waist. When she finally pulled back, her eyes were shiny. “I’m really sorry about what I said that night. I keep thinking about it. I was awful.”
I brushed a piece of hair away from her face. “Thank you for saying that.”
“I mean it.”
“I know you do.” I kept my voice gentle. “I’m not going to lie to you. It hurt, Lucy. A lot.”
She sniffled. “I know.”
Although we had texted a little while I was gone, we’d kept it surface level until now, with her keeping me in the loop on how school and pep squad were going.
But now that she was right in front of me, we needed to hash this out.
“I was already barely holding it together, and then the person I love most besides your dad told me he was right when he’s the one who caused my pain. ”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “I didn’t think about it like that until Dad talked to me the following morning.”
I wondered what Bennett had said to her, but I didn’t want to sidetrack our conversation. This was too important. “I’m not telling you to make you feel worse. I just need you to understand why I needed some space.”
“I do.” She nodded. “I swear I do.”
I brushed the wetness from her cheek. “Can I ask why you said what you did that night?”
“I don’t know.” She shifted her weight, her gaze dropping to the floor before meeting mine again. “It was already everywhere online. Dad had just won the award, and he’s always the one who knows the right thing to say. So it was hard to think it was that bad when you…um…are kinda…um...”
“Quirky,” I finished for her with a soft smile.
“I get why you’re worried about saying it after what happened, but I’ve never denied that I can be a little wacky at times.
I just never expected my foibles to be turned into the punchline to jokes I wasn’t aware of while everyone else was laughing at them. ”
“Yeah.” Her shoulders slumped. “You looked so upset when you walked in. I think I got scared and tried to make everything seem smaller so it wouldn’t be as huge. I should’ve just hugged you instead. Like you do whenever I’m hurt about something. Not pile on and make things worse.”
“We’re going to be okay, you and me.” I pulled her in for another hug. “I just needed you to understand why I’ve been so distant this week.”
I heard the front door open and assumed Bennett had come into the house that way to give us time to talk. Lucy didn’t seem to notice. She stayed pressed against me for a moment before stepping back and wiping at her face with the heel of her hand.
“I’m glad you’re home,” she whispered.
“Me too.” I just didn’t know if I could bear to stay, something that was better left unsaid to my teenager. “There’s meatloaf in the fridge and a loaf of sourdough I baked if you want a sandwich, and I made the pasta salad you like. Go shower and change first if you want. It’ll keep.”
She nodded, picked up her backpack, and headed for the stairs. “I’ll be quick.”
A moment later, Bennett stepped into the kitchen. We looked at each other for the first time in days.
He stopped just inside the doorway, like he wasn’t sure how close he was allowed to get. “You’re here.”
“I am.”
He took another step in, then stopped again. “I didn’t know if…I mean, I’m glad.”
I picked up my wineglass and took a small sip before setting it back down. “Four hundred a night for a hotel adds up quickly. And I didn’t have a kitchen.”
“The money doesn’t matter, but I’m sure you hated not being able to cook.”
“Yeah.” Almost as much as I didn’t like how well he knew me. “And Felicity left town with Weston for a charity golf tournament this morning. She stayed with me for a few days, and I wasn’t looking forward to being completely alone again.”
“I’m glad you had her keeping you company, at least.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I just wish I hadn’t given you good reason to not want to be here.”
“You’re not the only one,” I muttered before taking another sip of wine.
“Are you staying?”
“Beyond what I’m feeding our daughter and where I’m going to sleep tonight, I’m not sure what I’m doing, Bennett.” I huffed out a breath at his hopeful expression. “Which sure as heck is not next to you. I’m using the guest room at the end of the hall.”
“That’s not fair to you.” He scrubbed his palm down his beard. “I’m the one who fucked up. You should be in our bedroom.”
I shrugged. “Too late for that, my stuff is already in there.”
“Okay, but let me know if you change your mind. I’ll move in there. Whatever you need.”
“Don’t make offers like that when you can’t back them up.
” His brows drew together, and I explained, “You can give me space to figure out what the heck I’m going to do now that I was let in on your not-so-little secret, but what I actually need is for you to go back in time and never make the decision to use the woman you claimed to love as fodder for jokes that the entire world would see and then admit to it on national television. ”
“I’m so damn sorry.”
I held up my hand and was proud that it didn’t shake.
“You’ve already said that, repeatedly. I don’t need your apologies again.
I don’t want to talk this out, at least not yet.
I’m not picking up where we left off. The only difference is that the space I’m taking is inside this house instead of a hotel. ”
He swallowed. “Okay.”
“I mean it, Bennett.”
“I know you do.” He dipped his chin. “I’ll respect the boundary.”
Being under the same roof again without any of our usual ease threw me even more off kilter. After only five minutes alone with him, I wasn’t sure if I could actually do this.
“I’m going to finish my wine in my room.” I refilled my glass before picking it up. “You should eat something if you’re hungry. The food’s in the fridge. Lucy likes her sandwich with ketchup on one slice of bread.”
Then I headed upstairs, feeling the distance between us grow with every step I took and hating how much I needed it.
Lucy came rushing out of her room with wet hair as I reached the top landing. “That was fast.”
“Yeah.” She flashed me a soft smile. “I really want a meatloaf sandwich.”
“Dad is in the kitchen.” I brushed a kiss against her cheek as she drew close. “And I let him know how you like yours made.”
“Thanks, Mom.” She gave me a quick hug before darting down the stairs.
I continued down the wrong side of the hallway, closed the guest room door behind me, and slumped against the hard surface.
I’d already done my laundry, changed the sheets, and put my stuff away in the closet and dresser.
My toiletries were in the attached bathroom, and there wasn’t anything else I needed to do to get settled.
Or to distract me from feeling like a stranger in my own home.
I’d made the right call in drawing a clear line with Bennett. I just hadn’t expected to hurt even more than being at the hotel had.