Chapter 47
I’VE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU, SIR,” Margaret announced as she caught up with Douglas on the eastern trail leading to the cliffs.
He had resumed his morning rides. She had ridden over to Edgewood bright and early only to be told that she had just missed him. It was just one more frustration to add to the long list of them that had plagued her since the night of Alberta’s party.
She still couldn’t believe that Sebastian, at least the reasonable Sebastian, hadn’t appeared once on that long trip to Scotland, that she’d had to suffer The Raven’s company for the entire journey.
Cold, mercenary, silent. That odious man would have done exactly what he’d said he would do if she had tried to argue with him.
And glorious fool that she was, she didn’t really want to argue with him, so she hadn’t put it to the test.
She’d foolishly hoped that if they did get married, he’d stay with her in England and really be her husband.
Those hopes had soared when he’d kissed her in the church after he’d signed the papers that bound her to him.
It had been a hard, passionate kiss that had pushed aside all her doubts.
She’d even thought he’d mumbled that he loved her when he’d hugged her before walking out of the church, leaving her there alone.
When she went outside, however, he was gone.
John and Tim were gone, their horses were gone, and she’d burst into tears.
She’d known, deep down, that was going to happen.
Sebastian might have ridden in the coach with her, but he’d brought his horses along.
Once he’d finished doing the “right thing,” she was sure he’d ridden straight for the nearest dock to catch a ship back to Europe.
“I expected you sooner,” Douglas said a bit hesitantly, since her face was florid with agitation.
“Did you? Well, where shall I start? First, there was that mad dash to Scotland where we didn’t stop once to sleep, not once, just long enough to get baskets of food to take with us and answer nature’s calls.
Sleeping in a vehicle that is racing across the countryside is next to impossible, if you didn’t know. ”
“Then he did marry you?”
The question disconcerted her. “You didn’t think he would after you talked with him?”
“I wasn’t sure,” he admitted. “I bloody well haven’t been sure about anything since his return. He’s—changed. I got no sense of his feelings.”
“It was like dealing with a stranger? Yes, I know. But that’s who he is now. There’s nothing left of the old Sebastian in him. That fellow died with Giles.”
That was brutally blunt, even for her. But she was too annoyed at the moment to mince words. Douglas did appear stricken, though she might be reading him wrong, which wouldn’t surprise her. Her judgment did seem to be utterly off the mark lately.
“Well, as I was saying,” she continued, “I would have been back sooner, but I spent an entire day in bed recovering from that mad dash, and then the dratted wheel on my coach broke. That couldn’t happen before I wasted a day in bed, no, it had to happen afterward to delay me further!”
Douglas was now looking embarrassed, confounding her until he said, “You don’t have to make excuses for enjoying a brief honeymoon.”
Margaret blinked. She might have laughed hysterically if she weren’t so frustrated with the Townshends, father and son.
“Did I neglect to mention he deserted me at the altar? I would have much preferred he do so before he married me, but no, he signed those papers first, then left me there without a by your leave. You do realize that what would have been a simple matter of just saying I got a divorce is now going to be a major inconvenience for me? I will have to go to London, hire a solicitor, appear before the courts and—”
“Then don’t get a divorce.”
“I beg your pardon? Why the deuce would I remain married to a man whom I will never see again?”
“Because I don’t for a minute believe you’ll never see him again. He was sufficiently enamored with you to ruin your reputation, was he not?”
She snorted at his own bluntness. “My reputation is just fine, thank you.”
“It won’t be if you institute a divorce.”
“Nonsense. I happen to have the most valid, sympathetic reason possible. The man has deserted me. You are mistaken if you think he actually had tender feelings for me. Lust was all he felt for me.”
She hadn’t meant to be that frank.
“You cannot convince me that you succumbed to lust, Maggie. You love him, don’t you?”
She sighed. “Not that it matters, but yes, I am that foolish.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Certainly not! I admit I’m a fool, but not that foolish.
He gave me no indication, ever, that he returned my feelings.
A woman has to have some encouragement before she bares her heart.
Now it’s your turn to be truthful with me, Douglas.
Did you hope this marriage would make Sebastian stay here in England? ”
“That did occur to me, but only after you two had left the party that night. It certainly wasn’t why I insisted he marry you.”
“Then why?”
“Do you really need to ask? He’s a Townshend. No son of mine will dishonor a lady of your quality and not correct the wrong he did you.”
She stared incredulously at him. “Did you hear what you just said? A son of yours? Do you not realize that he no longer considers himself that? If your disowning him didn’t fix that in his mind, he arrived here to find—”
“Maggie, listen to me,” he interrupted rather quickly, as if he were afraid he might change his mind. “You’re his wife now, at least for the moment you are, and I’ve cut myself off from those I could have confided this to.”
“What do you mean, cut yourself off?”
“Deliberately, mind you. I felt I didn’t deserve to have a shoulder to cry on.”
She frowned, not quite understanding, and then she did. “Good God, you regret disowning him, don’t you?”
“Of course I do.”
“Why didn’t you tell him? Why didn’t you tell your mother, for that matter, instead of living with her silence all these years?”
“Because I deserved her contempt, but even that wasn’t enough punishment. I wouldn’t allow myself the comfort she would have offered. Sebastian was gone. Nothing could have absolved me of being responsible for that.”
“You’ve regretted it that long?”
“Oh, yes. And I wasn’t even angry at him, I was angry for him, because I knew what he’d done would destroy him.
But I let that anger get out of hand. Having a wicked hangover the morning of that dratted duel didn’t help, because I’d gotten foxed the night before over the entire mess with Giles.
But once the fumes of anger left me, and my head stopped pounding, I realized what I’d said.
Even then, I didn’t think he’d taken me literally.
But when I went to find him to tell him I didn’t mean it—he was already gone. ”
“You didn’t send someone after him?”
“No, I went myself. I’d guessed the right direction he’d taken, but his ship had already sailed by the time I reached Dover.
I got passage on the next ship available, but—obviously I never found him.
I’ve sent others more capable than I over the years, but it was as if he disappeared from the face of the earth. ”
“Or changed his name, which he did. Now for God’s sake, Douglas, why didn’t you tell Sebastian all this while he was here?”
“Do you really need to ask, when you said it yourself? I wasn’t going to bare my heart, either.
Not once did he appear willing to hear what I had to say on the subject.
If anything, he was as closed as a sealed tomb when he was with me.
He isn’t going to forgive me. Nor can I blame him, when I can’t forgive myself. ”