Chapter 15 #2
“He offered to call you and explain it, but I told him not to. I knew if you didn’t believe me, you sure as hell wouldn’t believe him, and he’d likely just piss you off even more.”
“You’re probably right about that,” I admitted. I glanced around the room, unable to bear looking at Ryan at this very moment. He looked so…defeated and broken-hearted, and I wanted to comfort him, of all things.
I wasn’t sure what to believe about the cheating, but at the very least, he had broken a promise to me and betrayed me in a way that was deeply hurtful, not to mention his general assholery of the past year – and I wanted to fucking comfort him. Where were my lady balls when I needed them?
I needed my ass kicked or my head examined, so it was probably a good thing I’d scheduled a second therapy appointment with Kim for Friday morning. Maybe that would help me get my priorities straight.
When my gaze landed on my birthday flowers from the boys, I was reminded of the hurt, and the anger I’d felt on Saturday.
“Do you have any idea how it felt to know you’d forgotten my birthday when I got your message Friday?
I’d received a notification from the airline rewards program just seconds before we went into our presentation, confirming that you’d ordered two tickets to Las Vegas.
I stupidly thought you were trying to surprise me. ”
Ryan winced and started to apologize, but when I held up a hand to stop him, he sat back and closed his mouth.
“After the meeting ended, I rushed back to my office to check the details, hoping I had enough time to run to the mall to buy another swimsuit like that red one you liked so much, then I listened to your message, and it was obvious you’d completely forgotten that my birthday was the next day. I was so upset I left work early.”
He closed his eyes momentarily, then opened them and looked at me, guilt written all over his face.
“All day long Saturday, I kept holding out hope that you’d remember and would call, or even just send a lousy, fucking text.
But you didn’t. I heard from my parents that morning.
The boys sent flowers. Jen and Mark gave me a spa gift card.
I got a text from my cousin, Penelope, who I haven’t seen in a decade, and my cousin Sarah, even though the time difference from here to Tokyo means it was probably the crack of dawn there.
I got a text from Nyla, who worked with us but quit over three years ago.
Hell, Lindsey even remembered and was thoughtful enough to call even though we can hardly stand each other. ” I ranted.
“But you? My husband? The man I’ve lived with, and loved, and raised children with, and had sex with for over thirteen fucking years – you forgot, probably because you were too busy hanging out at the pool, taking pictures of half-naked models with big boobs to send to your brother, who you don’t particularly get along with either.
Oh, and taking pictures of some stupid basketball player to send to our neighbor who you’ve known for all of five damned months.
” Ryan was staring at his lap by the time I finished my tirade, and it infuriated me that he didn’t have the balls to look me in the eye.
“It’s so nice to know where I rank in your life.”
He finally looked up then, his face pale and looking as if he’d aged a dozen years since we’d started talking.
“I have no excuse for forgetting your birthday, but please don’t think it’s not because you aren’t a priority.
You are the single most important person in my life, and before you say anything, yes, I realize that I’ve done a piss poor job of showing it recently. ”
He leaned forward again and started to reach for me, then thought better of it and braced his forearms on his knees instead. “I’m begging for the chance to show you now.”
“Only because I left you,” I pointed out. “It took me asking for a divorce for you to wake up to the fact that you’ve been a shitty husband for a long time now.”
His shoulders stiffened and he inhaled sharply before making a visible effort to relax.
“After everything that’s happened I don’t expect you to believe this, but I actually started realizing it when I got back to the hotel Saturday night.
I was so angry with myself for going to that club, and I knew you’d be hurt.
I was kicking myself for going along with Mitch, and then I started thinking about what I could do to make it up to you,” he said.
“I thought about Kirby’s, and it occurred to me that I couldn’t remember when our last date night was. So, I made a reservation on Sunday and started making plans for how we could reconnect. Then it all went to hell.”
I cocked my head to study him as I realized what he’d just revealed. “When, exactly, did you remember that Saturday was my birthday?”
“I wish I could say that I did remember, but I didn’t, until you mentioned it when you walked out Monday evening anyway.” His voice was barely a whisper as he made that confession.
“Wow,” I said, “that’s even worse than I thought. Your note said you’d made reservations at Kirby’s so we could celebrate. I assumed you meant it to be a belated birthday celebration. I even joked with Jen about it being better late than never. What, exactly, were we going to celebrate then?”
He eyed me warily, then reluctantly admitted, “I won eight hundred dollars on a slot machine.”
I nodded, as if the answer were so obvious that I should have known.
“Melanie, I’m so sorry, for everything. I know I have so much shit to make up for, and I will, I promise. I just need you to give me the chance to show you.”
His expression was so sincere, and his words heart-felt, but I couldn’t make a decision on whether to give him a second chance until I’d had some time to think.
When I told him just that, he asked if I would consider marriage counselling. I was shocked that he’d even asked.
“Actually, before I found the thong I was planning to give you an ultimatum on Monday night. You could either agree to marriage counselling, or I was leaving.”
He was absolutely one hundred percent gobsmacked by that news, and if I hadn’t been so miserable, I would have laughed at the look on his face.
“I spent most of the evening Sunday researching therapists who are covered on our insurance plan and reached out to one I thought would a good fit.” I hesitated for a second before adding, “After the shitshow Monday night, I ended up doing a solo session with her yesterday.”
He sat up straight and absorbed that bit of information. “You didn’t want to do a joint session? I would have gone with you.”
My answer was blunt. “When I left here Monday night, there was no longer a need for a joint session. My mind was made up. The solo session was for me to figure out how to deal with the trauma of our divorce.”
He blanched and swallowed hard. “And now? Is your mind still made up?”
He looked as if merely asking that question had cost him a little piece of his soul.
“I don’t know.” I sighed and shook my head sadly. “I just don’t fucking know anymore.”