Chapter 21
Melanie
The snow had stopped by the time we left, leaving a light dusting of white on the trees. I didn’t mind that kind of snowfall. The trees looked pretty with snowflakes clinging to the branches in spots, yet it wasn’t deep enough to shovel or to cause problems while driving.
Ryan insisted on walking to my car and thanked me for coming to the appointment.
“Thanks for doing a joint session, tomorrow, too. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to, after Friday’s fiasco.”
“I don’t want to draw this out, Ryan. We need to either work this out, or…” I didn’t bother finishing my sentence because I didn’t want to have to say the words, ‘or we end it’.
I used my key fob to unlock my car as we approached it, and Ryan reached around me to open the driver’s door for me.
I slid inside and immediately started it, then shivered as cold air blasted me in the face from the car’s air vents.
I redirected the vents, so they were facing away from me until the engine heated up enough for the air to get warm.
I looked up to find Ryan frowning. He caught my eye, then gave me a sad smile and told me he’d see me tomorrow before closing the door for me.
After an evening spent with nothing but the TV and Fernando for company, I went into work early the next morning since I was going to have to leave a little early to get to Kim’s office.
I was able to get a start on the initial phase of the Godwin project before I had to leave for the day. Ryan was exiting his Corvette when I pulled into the parking lot, and when he glanced up and saw me, he gave a quick wave and walked over to where I parked.
He asked about my day as we walked into the building, and I wondered if he was as nervous as I was for our second joint session. I only hoped that this one wasn’t quite as rough as the first had been.
We exchanged small talk as we waited for Kim, who was running a few minutes behind, the receptionist told us.
Kim came out to the lobby a few moments later with a woman who was apologizing for taking up so much of her time. Kim spoke with her quietly for a minute, before the woman smiled gratefully and exited the building.
Kim greeted us with an apology of her own, then whipped her wheelchair around and headed back to her office with us trailing behind.
Once we were settled, Kim closed her eyes and took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before exhaling, as if to focus her thoughts.
“So, when you both left on Friday, emotions were running high. Things seemed to be less tense between you yesterday, and Melanie, you mentioned that you’d been able to think and talk to your friend over the weekend and had worked through a few things.
Have you and Ryan talked about that, or is that something you are willing to discuss with him today? ”
I hesitated for a second, then told them what Jen and I had discussed Sunday evening.
Ryan looked shocked as I explained that, even though I hated the idea of the lap dance and his reaction to it, I didn’t feel that it was fair to hold either thing against him.
“I believed you when you said that you didn’t want the lap dance.
She touched you without your consent, and that’s not your fault.
I’m not sure it’s her fault, either, since I wouldn’t put it past Mitch to tell her you wanted one.
As for the other, well, I also believed you when you said you weren’t aroused by her.
I struggled with that one, I have to admit, but when I take out my emotional response to the idea of it, I’m left with the fact that our bodies do respond to physical stimuli, and it doesn’t always mean that there’s a sexual component to it.
It can be a purely involuntary biological reaction. ”
Ryan started to reach for my hand, then stopped as I pinned him with a fierce stare.
“That doesn’t mean that I forgive you for going to a strip club in the first place, because fuck you for that, Ryan.
You broke what amounts to a vow for us, and I’m not sure how to move past that.
Quite honestly, unless you change your ways and become the man I fell in love with again, I don’t think I even want to try. ”
His jaw clenched and he nodded but before he could say anything, I said, “For me to even consider it, you need to be absolutely, one hundred percent honest from here on out. I won’t put up with evasive answers and half-truths.
You don’t get to withhold the truth or censor it to suit your purposes, then tell yourself that you’re doing it to protect me.
How am I supposed to forgive you if I don’t know exactly what you’ve done? ”
I swiped an angry tear from the corner of my eye, and Ryan leaned forward to grab the box of tissues from the coffee table. He sat it on the couch between us, and I pulled one out and dabbed at my eyes.
“What do you think about what Melanie’s just said?”
Kim’s tone was neutral as she prompted Ryan for a response.
He gave a small laugh, but there was no humor in it. “I think Melanie’s being more generous than I deserve.”
He shifted on the couch so that he was facing me.
“You are absolutely right that I broke my vow to you, and I regret it more than anything I’ve ever done.
I’ve told you absolutely everything. No more secrets, no more half-truths.
” He paused for a second before adding, “I know it probably doesn’t help, but that was the first time I’ve set foot in a strip club since long before we met.
I don’t have any excuse or explanation, so I won’t even try to offer one. I fucked up.”
“I know why you did it,” I said bitingly.
“You’ve become so selfish and so used to disregarding my feelings that it became easy to forget about your promise, or at least to ignore it for a night.
You took the easy way out, because you didn’t want to argue with Mitch about it and you figured I’d never find out. ”
He winced, as if I’d scored a direct hit, but didn’t say a word to defend himself.
“But I did find out, and it hurts, Ryan. I never dreamed you would hurt me like that, despite everything that’s happened and how much you’ve changed. I feel foolish for placing that kind of blind faith in you now.”
In the silence that followed, Kim asked softly, “Melanie, you said that Ryan needs to become the man you fell in love with again. Can you tell me about that man, that version of Ryan? How did you two first meet?”
I thought back to the very first time I met him. “Tanner was in the same kindergarten class as Garrett was, and they’d become best buddies on the very first day. They still are.” I smiled softly as I thought of our sons, who were as close as two brothers could be, regardless of DNA.
“The class went on a field trip to the zoo about a month into the school year, and I volunteered as a parent chaperone. Ryan volunteered, too. Each parent volunteer was assigned three kids to be responsible for – our own child, plus two others. Tanner and Garrett were bummed that they couldn’t be in the same group, so Ryan suggested we join forces so our two groups could explore the zoo together. ”
“I would have suggested that even if the boys’ hadn’t cared about being separated, because I wanted a chance to talk to you,” Ryan reminded me.
“Ah, very sneaky,” Kim mused, and Ryan chuckled.
“It was probably for the best that we joined forces, because our boys plus one of the little girls in our combined group wanted to visit the reptile house, and I’m terrified of snakes.”
“She practically fainted at the thought of going in there,” Ryan told Kim with a laugh.
“I wasn’t that bad,” I protested, and Ryan looked at me and arched an eyebrow in challenge. OK, so he wasn’t exaggerating by much. I really did hate the slithery things.
“Anyway, I waited outside with the other three kids, while big, brave Ryan took the others through the exhibit. When they finished, the little girl spent the rest of the field trip talking about the giant anaconda, no matter how Ryan tried to distract her.”
“I made sure to get Melanie’s number and called her that night to make sure she’d survived her ordeal.
We talked for almost an hour, and I asked her out to dinner the next night.
We’ve been together ever since,” he finished huskily, looking at me with such sadness and regret that I had to look away so I wouldn’t cry.
“How long did you date before you got married?”
“He proposed when we’d been dating for four months, then got married a little over a year later.
” An image of that night popped into my mind.
Garrett had spent the night with Ryan’s dad, and Tanner was with my parents.
Ryan and I had gone out for a romantic dinner, followed by a walk along the canal downtown.
We went back to his place afterward and had made love for hours.
The next morning I woke up to find him propped up on one elbow, staring at me.
He’d cupped my cheek and told me he wanted to wake up next to me for the rest of his life and then asked me to marry him.
“Four months…that was quick,” Kim observed, drawing me back to the moment.
“I knew I wanted to marry her by the end of the first month. I made myself wait another three before I asked her because I didn’t want to scare her off,” Ryan told her.
Kim smiled, then flicked her eyes to me. “Melanie, what drew you to Ryan initially?”
I took a second to think about it. “I noticed his blue eyes first, and his smile. He was grinning at something Garrett had said, and his dimples were showing. He was so handsome, and I was afraid I’d make a fool of myself drooling over him.
Then, on the field trip he was incredibly patient with the kids.
He had a great sense of humor and made me laugh the entire day.
He was considerate, and thoughtful, and when he spoke to someone, whether it was me or one of the kids, he gave you his full attention.
As I got to know him, I realized it wasn’t just an act, or him being on his best behavior. He really was that person.”