Chapter 23
Melanie
Before we left, we arranged for our next sessions. Grief counseling again on Monday, and Tuesday’s appointment would be split. I would start with an individual session for the first half, then Ryan would join us for the remainder of the time.
“We’re going to work on finding your voice, Melanie. That will be the first step to improving communication on your end. Then, we’ll work with Ryan to ensure that he is open and receptive to what you have to say.”
Just as Ryan started to open the door for me, Kim said, “Oh, one more thing. If you two feel up to it, I would encourage you to spend time together. Maybe share a meal or even just grab coffee together. Enjoy each other’s company without heavy discussions or any expectations.
It may help you reconnect a bit and foster a level of comfort and companionship that’s been missing from your relationship for a while. Just something to think about.”
We were silent as we walked out of the therapy offices and started down the hall. When we reached the lobby, Ryan pulled me aside just before we reached the exit.
“Would you be open to that? We could go to Alfredo’s for an early dinner, then maybe grab dessert from that pie place next door?”
I looked up to find him staring at me with an expression full of hope.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I agreed to meet him there.
He smiled then, and his dimples were out on full display underneath the scruff of his goatee.
He hadn’t shaved in a few days, so it was on the verge of becoming a full-blown beard.
His blue eyes twinkled as he looked down at me and thanked me for agreeing to go.
“Drive safely, sweetness. I’ll be right behind you.”
True to his word, Ryan’s black Corvette was in my rear view mirror for the ten minutes or so that it took to get to the restaurant.
Since we were dining so early, we had our pick of tables, and Ryan requested one in the back corner, near the fireplace.
It was a gas unit, so it was more for show than anything, but I was still grateful for the small bit of heat it produced as I took my seat next to it.
Our server arrived almost immediately to take our drink order, and since we had been frequent patrons over the years, we placed our meal orders at the same time. After he left the table, silence reigned for a moment. Just as it verged on becoming awkward, Ryan asked me about my work.
“How is your new contract going?” I told him that Jen and I had begun working on the initial planning phase with our liaison at Godwin.
“Congratulations, Mel,” he said, smiling widely. “I know how hard you all worked for that, and I’m glad they recognized your talent. Will you still have to put in such long hours?”
“Not at this stage, but probably when we get closer to the opening deadline. That’s a long way away though.”
I asked about his work in turn, and he made me laugh as he told me about the Epperson house and all the headaches they were causing at the office.
“So, we had to tell her that no, we couldn’t give her a retractable roof over the primary suite, despite what she saw on that bullshit celebrity housewife show.
That might work in Malibu or wherever, but it won’t work with an Indiana winter.
I swear, if she keeps up with that fuckery, Dave’s going to tell them to take their business elsewhere. ”
Our meal came, and we chatted about Garrett and Tanner, and how their classes were going. Neither one had settled on a major yet, although Garrett had an interest in physical therapy after a shoulder injury playing baseball had necessitated a month of therapy last year.
Both of us deliberately steered the conversation away from any potential landmines, and by the end of the meal, I discovered that I’d actually enjoyed myself.
After paying the bill, Ryan escorted me next door to A Slice of Heaven, and I ordered a piece of my favorite cherry pie, while Ryan selected banana cream.
We settled into one of the few tables they had in the small space and continued our conversation as he asked me about my parents’ visit to Florida. I regaled him with their beachside yoga activities, and Mom’s concern for Fernando.
“Do they know about us? That you’re staying there?”
I paused with my fork midway to my mouth, then carefully set it back down on my plate. “No,” I admitted. “I didn’t see the need to tell them anything, at least for now.”
Ryan’s fork landed on his plate with a muted clank. “Hell, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“It’s OK. It was a valid question, and probably something we should have already discussed. Jen, Mark, Cody, and the boys are the only ones who know, unless you’ve told someone.”
“Aside from Mitch, no, I haven’t told anyone.”
I tried not to react to his name, but I must not have been very successful because Ryan added, “And he’s out of our lives, so he doesn’t count anymore.”
I nodded, then slowly ate the last bite of my pie. Ryan finished his and then helped my into my coat. The silence between us wasn’t awkward this time. It was contemplative, as if he, too, were reflecting on the evening we’d had.
When he walked me back to my car, he surprised me by dipping his head to drop a quick kiss on my cheek before reaching around to open my car door for me. “Goodnight, sweets. Thank you for tonight. Drive safely, and please text me when you get back to the condo.”
“I will, and you be careful, too.”
He started to walk away, then turned back to say a quick, “I love you.” Without waiting for a reply, he strode across the parking lot to his car.
He waited until I turned out of the parking lot before he pulled out of his spot, and I glanced in the rear view mirror to see his taillights as he turned in the opposite direction to head toward our house.
I texted him after I arrived back at my parents’ place, and he responded almost immediately.
Ryan: Thank you again for tonight. I’ve missed that more than I realized.
I debated how to reply, then sent a simple, “I have, too. Goodnight.”
After a busy day at the office on Friday, he called that evening to invite me to breakfast the next morning.
We met at a diner that we’d used to frequent when the boys were younger.
Ryan was already seated in a booth when I arrived, and he rose to greet me and help me slip off my coat before I slid into the opposite side of the booth.
Those gentlemanly touches – walking me to my car, opening doors for me, helping me with my coat – were all things that the “old” Ryan had always done.
Things that had slowly disappeared over the past eighteen months.
They were little things that I was perfectly capable of doing on my own, of course, yet I still appreciated the thoughtful gestures.
As we had Thursday evening, we kept the conversation light, skimming the surface of our lives so that we didn’t wade into deeper, more murky waters.
Once our plates had been cleared and we were enjoying a refill on our coffees, Ryan cleared his throat and leaned forward slightly.
Dropping his voice so that we couldn’t be overheard, he asked if I would come home with him.
“I have some ideas I’d like to run past you, and I think it might be better to do it in private. Nothing too heavy,” he assured me with a quick smile. “Just some thoughts I had for rebuilding our foundation.”
My lips quirked as I replied, “Well, you are the foundation expert.” I paused then added, “Yes, I’ll come to the house for a bit.”
He gave me a wide smile then, the one that showed his dimples, then sat back to finish the last of his coffee.
When I stepped across the threshold a little while later, I detected the faint scent of lemon and subtly glanced around the living room. The wooden end tables and the coffee table gleamed from being freshly polished, and the pillows on the couch appeared to have been recently fluffed.
Ryan hung his coat in the entry closet, then stood next to the couch, rubbing his hands together and rocking back slightly on his heels.
His uncharacteristic nervousness had the reverse reaction on me, and I relaxed a little as I slipped off my coat and draped it over the back of the chair before sitting down.
Ryan dropped down onto the edge of the couch cushion, leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees. He stared at his clasped hands, and I broke the silence by commenting on house nice the house looked.
He glanced around, as if just now noticing the room. “Thanks, I, uh, did some cleaning last night and early this morning. That reminds me that I’ve been meaning to ask you, who did the repairs around here? I got my toolbox out the other night to work on your to-do list, but it was all done.”
I shrugged. “I did most of it, except the garbage disposal. Justin’s nephew is a plumber’s apprentice, and I hired him to replace that.”
His brows rose. “You fixed the toilet in the boys’ bathroom, and replaced the bulb in the entryway?”
I snorted a laugh. “I watched a YouTube video on how to replace the toilet flapper. It wasn’t that hard, and Jen helped me with the ladder in the entryway.”
“I appreciate you doing it, but I’m sorry that you had to. I shouldn’t have kept putting it off.”
Before I could say anything, he rushed into what was clearly a prepared speech.
“So, as I said at the diner, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to Kim’s idea about rebuilding our foundation.
I made a list of some things that we could do that might help.
” He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and tapped at the screen, then swiveled it around to give me a glimpse of the list he’d made on his notes app.
The list was bullet-pointed and highlighted, and appeared to be pretty lengthy.
I hid a smile, because it honestly looked like something I would have written.
“I think we should take Kim’s advice literally and start our courtship all over again. Dates, long talks where we get to know each other again.” He lowered his phone, then looked at me pleadingly. “You feel in love with me once, and I’ll do everything I can to make you fall in love with me again.”
“And what about you?” At his look of confusion, I hesitantly asked, “Do you think you’ll fall in love with me again?”
His eyes closed and he dropped his chin to his chest before looking up and pinning me with a serious look.
“I don’t need to, because I never stopped.
I know I had a shitty way of showing it, but I never stopped loving you.
You mean everything to me. I lost sight of that for a while, but I remember it now, and I’ll never take you for granted again. ”
“I’m still working on forgiving you for going to that strip club.”
“And I haven’t even begun to atone for that. I will prove that you can trust me again, and I’ll keep proving it until you’re able to forgive me and believe in me again.”
He hesitated, then shook his head and sighed.
“I always considered myself to be strong-willed, and I was always a leader, not a follower. I’m having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that I allowed myself to be fooled and manipulated by Mitch, to just blindly follow his lead, especially to the extent that I did.
That’s something I’m going to work on with Kim during our grief counseling.
I know you and she both think that I was using him to fill the space left when Grady died, and maybe there’s some truth to that, but I never let Grady lead me around by the nose, so why did I do that with Mitch, especially when it hurt you? ”
He ran his hands through his hair and sat back on the couch, his gaze focused on the ceiling.
“Maybe because Mitch preyed on your emotions, and your vulnerability after losing Grady? He swooped in at your lowest point and manipulated you – both of us – and created this chasm between us to suit his own twisted purposes.”
“I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why he did it,” Ryan admitted quietly.
“We may never understand it. We may just have to be satisfied with acknowledging that it happened, and that neither of us responded to it in the way we should have.”
“I should have kicked his ass.”
“And I should have helped you,” I chimed in, making Ryan laugh and look at me.
“I’ve missed this. Us, being on the same wavelength,” he clarified. He looked at his phone again and scrolled through his list.
“So, what do you think of my plan? If you agree, I have a great idea for our first official date.”
“I think your plan sounds like a pretty good start. Tell me about this date.”
He scratched his chin, then cocked his head to look me in the eye.
“How do you feel about going to a rage room?”