Chapter 30 Put It All Out There
PUT IT ALL OUT THERE
“How are you feeling about today?”
Kenzie turned to Nelson when they climbed into his car after getting off the subway. “Relieved now that it’s over. If you had asked me this morning I would have put on a good face and said everything was going to be fine.”
His sigh was loud enough that it could have sent a breeze her way if he had been facing her. “I don’t want you to put any masks on. Why can’t you talk to me like you do Lily?”
“Do you want me to? That’s girl talk. At least most times. She can help because she was in my position once. Being a dude and the one with the money, you can’t really understand it the same.”
“I get it. I do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to tell me.”
After the conversation with her mother yesterday, she’d done some self-reflection of her parents’ marriage.
It was the last thing she wanted in her life and if she couldn’t stand up for herself, she might fall prey to that.
Standing up didn’t mean with strangers or coworkers, it meant her husband.
It also meant she had to let him know her thoughts about her future and wanting to help them.
She had to put it all out there.
“I didn’t know you wanted to know,” she said. “Some guys don’t.”
“I’m not some guys. I’m your guy.”
She laughed at the tone he used. “You are. I know you’ll have to hear more the rest of this week and Monday before I return on Tuesday.” If he went into the office every day, which he didn’t normally.
“I’m sure, but it will die down. As you said, guys don’t normally deal with it as much. No one is going to say anything to me, just like they stopped talking when I came to see you after my meeting with West and Braylon.”
“That’s why I wore my earbuds. I knew they were whispering. There’s always whispering. Maybe not even about me, but I didn’t want it creeping under my skin. If I blocked it out, I could almost pretend it wasn’t there.”
“I have to say, I was proud of your comment when I came down. Really proud.”
“Thanks,” she said. “I told myself that I have to speak up. I’m not normally afraid to do that. I’ve been defending myself for years against judgment, but never when it came to a man.”
Being poor. Religious parents who didn’t follow the dominant religion in Utah, even worked the farm.
All those things caused others to talk behind her back and to her face.
Once she went away to college and made her own decisions in life, she wasn’t judged on her parents’ beliefs and values by strangers. She was judged by her parents.
That was worse, but expected.
She always wanted their acceptance and had to learn it might never come.
“I’m glad you’re good with it. My brothers pointed out that the next few days will have some more talk, but no one will do it to me. For you, it’s another story. I just want you to know not to believe what you hear.”
She lifted her eyebrow, turned her head slowly and gazed at her gorgeous husband who liked to stand out in a crowd and charmingly flirt with any woman in a room. “What is it I’m likely to hear?”
“Put my foot in my mouth there,” he said.
“I need to know,” she said.
She’d want to defend him but wouldn’t want to come off na?ve or look like a fool.
“That I might be a player. I’m not, but I’ve been told that before.”
“I should know this. Have you ever cheated on anyone? I mean, you woke up in bed next to me and didn’t seem all that shocked. Like maybe you’ve done that before.”
It was a conversation she’d buried deep in the farthest corners of her mind. Something she should have faced, but had ignored before deciding to move here.
Everything about her life in the past two months has been scary, but to move forward she had to make a decision and did.
“No. I’ve never cheated. Never even thought of it. I swear. My mother would kick my ass.” She cleared her throat. “My butt. She’d kick my butt from North Carolina to New Jersey and back again wearing sharp pointy heels and making sure each one hit the same spot until I was raw.”
“Ouch. That was oddly specific and descriptive.”
“Because if I picture it in my mind, that’s exactly how it’d be. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m afraid of my mother.”
Kenzie laughed. There he was, putting on the charm again. “I think there is some truth to that statement.”
He turned his head and winked at her. “There is. But it’s the truth. I’ve never cheated and never considered it. Have I dated a lot of women? Yes, I have. I can’t change my past before I knew you just like you can’t either.”
“No, but my reputation with men is nothing like yours with the ladies.”
He sighed. “You’re going to hear that I don’t take relationships seriously. That I go through women fast. That no one lasts that long and you won’t either. But I haven’t been married before so this is going to last.”
She wanted to know how he was so confident of that.
Especially since he’d said it in that playful, teasing tone he always used when he was toying with her.
“So I’m supposed to ignore those comments?”
“I’d like you to, but I’m sure it won’t be as easy as saying that.” He pulled his car into the garage, shut it off and they got out together.
She had to process his words some to figure out her next step.
They got in the house and went to their room. They both always changed after work. She’d go start dinner and Nelson would go to the basement and work out.
When her white summer sweater hit the hamper, Nelson’s hands slid around her waist from behind. His lips found her neck, his breath feather-light against her skin, sending shivers spilling down her chest and pooling deep in her core.
His hand spread across her belly, then dipped close to the button of her trousers.
“Is there something you want?” she asked, turning her head. His lips landed on hers.
“I want to show you my love,” he said.
There he was with the joking tone again. Why couldn’t he be serious when he said that?
Was she supposed to guess if he loved her or not?
He talked about their marriage lasting, but she wanted it to be with someone who loved her, not just made her body sing.
“Can you show it to me slowly?” she asked.
Maybe he’d get the hint. Or it’d allow her to see more into his depths.
Read his mood through his actions?
She didn’t know why she was trying as hard as she was.
Because if she didn’t put everything she had into this relationship, she’d have regrets after.
“I can show you any way you want,” he said. His voice was low, deep, his hands not moving as quickly as his chin rested on her shoulder now.
More a hug than a rush to give her a mind-blowing orgasm.
She turned in his arms, her hands going around his neck. “You say all these words to me, but there are times I think you’re hiding more than comes out. Maybe we can try something different tonight.”
“What’s that?” His eyes were searching hers. Looking for any meaning that she would give.
She had to open up to him if she wanted him to do the same to her.
“Slow. Steady. No rush to the end. No need to impress me with your talent. I know you’re good in the bedroom.”
He laughed at her words. She knew it came from having a lot more experience than her.
Like he’d said, he couldn’t change his past.
“I want to make you happy, Kenzie. In a lot of ways. Not just in the bedroom, but sometimes my words get your back up.”
“It happens,” she said. “And I’m trying to stop that. So no words. Slow, sweet, caring actions. Only if it’s what you feel.”
He swung her in his arms, cradling her as if he was her hero carrying her to safety.
Right now, the only danger was to her heart. And if she spilled the words, would he return them or not?
He laid her on the bed with the care and precision of a man who was putting his all into tender actions. Not forcing it, but being aware.
Awareness was important to her.
His mouth claimed hers. No playful peck, no hungry tangle of tongues.
No. This was pure seduction.
His lips moved in a slow sway, drawing her lower lip between his, his tongue brushing for the briefest taste before retreating. She parted her mouth, ready for more, but he denied her, continuing to tease, kissing her with deliberate, devastating patience.
Her hips lifted to get closer to him, his weight settling on her comfortably. Letting her know he was there, that he wanted her, but he wasn’t going to hurt her.
Those actions she wanted, he was giving them to her as she requested.
She tugged his shirt up and over his head, her hands slipping into the back of his pants, beneath his underwear and cupping his cheeks.
She ground them together, worked her up some more letting him know he was delivering as requested.
His tongue invaded her mouth, she sucked on it some, then allowed him to do the same to her.
She was soaking wet; she was positive.
It felt as if her body was a puddle of sexual sensations crawling under her skin begging for freedom.
She told him she wanted it slow and he wasn’t going to disappoint her.
His hand slipped down her body, between their bellies, then into her pants, under her panties, and found the reaction she was having to him.
The minute his finger slid between her lips, moving up and down, touching her overly aroused flesh, she arched her back and a moan escaped.
“I like it when you’re noisy,” he whispered against her lips, then disappeared down her body leaving a trail of goosebumps from her neck, chest, and belly while his fingers attacked her pants and removed them from her body.
That noise he liked so much, she was giving it to him. There was no holding anything back.
The man sure knew how to make her body sway.
His thumbs were massaging her inner thighs bringing them just close enough to her swollen flesh, then departing again.
She knew he was hovering over her, his breath skimming her skin, teasing, waiting, winding her up until she was on the verge of begging.
It was as if he knew her better than she knew herself.
He plunged a finger inside, stroked her a few times, then removed it.
“Oh, don’t stop,” she complained.
His laugh sent more tingling over her lady parts, his mouth still close by, as if it was waiting for the right time to make her shout.
For agonizing minutes, he tortured her. It was slow, but it sure the heck wasn’t steady.
Her body was all but vibrating with the need for her release.
He brought her right to the edge, the dizzying peak, letting her teeter there, struggling to hold her balance. And just when she thought it was time to leap, he pulled her back, as if to murmur, Not yet.
“Nelson!” she shouted.
He slid up her body, his lips landing quickly on hers. “Yes, dear?”
Her eyes that had been closed popped open. There was a touch of humor in his gaze, but beyond that, something richer, deeper and hidden.
“Make me come. Now.”
He got off the bed, stripped fast, then gathered her in his arms, sank in fast and held her close.
“Open your eyes,” he said.
She did, she had to. His voice was velvety soft like a seduction to his actions.
As his hips moved, his cock pumped in and out of her slowly, softly, steady.
“Yes,” she said. “Just like that.”
“Keep them open,” he said. “You can do it. You’re strong enough. You need to see. I want you to see.”
The urgency of his words resonated with something inside of her. Something she was longing to have break free.
While he made love to her, their eyes remained locked, the gazes holding strong, her heart hammering in her chest.
She was building. Cresting. Ready to take that swan dive off the highest ledge available.
By the gasping of Nelson’s breath, she was positive he was right there with her.
“Together,” she said. “Let’s do it together.”
It was as if they needed permission for it to happen. Or maybe it was her body coming undone that had him following. She wasn’t sure, and it didn’t matter. All that did was that he held her tight cushioning her fall.
Not just from this experience, but from her heart.