Chapter 33
WORK IT OUT
Nelson drew his arm back, ready to put his fist through the wall before he thought better of it.
Instead, he grabbed his key and slammed out the door, driving to Laken’s.
If anyone could understand his situation, it’d be his brother-in-law Jamie.
But when he got there ten minutes later, he found out Jamie wasn’t home.
“Come in and talk to us,” Laken said. “You look like you’re ready to throttle someone. Normally only Rowan could make you react like that.”
“Is that Nelson?” his mother asked, coming into the front of the house holding Calder.
Great. The last person he wanted to confess this to was his mother.
She’d give him shit for the way he’d lived his life prior.
Laken at least would understand some, he was positive.
“Hi, Mom. I was looking for Jamie, but I’ll go.”
“No, you’re not,” his mother said, looking around. “Where’s Kenzie?”
“Home.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his shorts.
“You two had a fight, didn’t you?” Laken asked.
“No shit, Sherlock. Those detective skills of yours are coming in handy.”
Laken only laughed. “It has to be bad for you to come here.”
“I thought Jamie could help.”
“Which means this has to do with another woman,” Laken said. “Because my husband didn’t have the best reputation back in the day.”
There was no use lying. “Yeah,” he mumbled.
“Come tell us what you did,” his mother said.
“Nothing. I mean nothing since I’ve been married. But someone I was seeing a week before I went to Vegas came to the house. I was out getting dinner. Kenzie answered the door.”
“Please tell me it wasn’t someone you picked up at a club,” Laken said. “Those girls all have a look.”
“Guilty,” he said and flopped on the couch in the back of the house.
“Well,” his mother said. “I hate to say the past always has a way of coming out, but in this case, it’s not so much your fault.”
He sat up straighter. “You’re defending me? Taking my side?”
His mother laughed. “I’m not sure I’m doing that. I’m just saying that you made your decisions in your life and you have to live with them. That means they can come back to haunt you too.”
“This one is.”
“Tell us what happened,” Laken said. “No judgment because we all know what you were like before.”
“I’m not like that now,” he said. “I love my wife.”
His mother’s bottom lip came out. “I’m so glad you could finally admit it.
I can see it on your face. I can see Kenzie feels the same way when she looks at you.
And remember this. Love causes people to react the way they do.
If she didn’t care as much for you as she says, then she might shrug this off. ”
“I didn’t think of it that way.”
“And you can’t expect her to not be upset,” Laken said. “Even if this woman was someone you were with two years ago, coming face to face with someone your husband has been with is hard, especially if she’s the complete opposite.”
“Polar,” he said. “Extremely polar. Lexi is fake. Everything about her.”
“Which is normally your type when you’re having a good time,” his mother said.
“Lexi hinted at something more. She’s superficial and all but has a good job. She’s in sales. I think she just wanted more than I was willing to give at the time.”
“It took her long enough to come back if that was the case,” Laken said. “No contact at all.”
He flushed some more. “She might have texted me a few times in the past two months. But I haven’t replied. I really haven’t.”
Lexi wasn’t the only woman who had texted him.
No one got a reply.
He was married and he didn’t cheat.
Didn’t even consider it, like he’d said.
That meant no contact with these women at all.
He just figured they’d get the hint.
Guess he was wrong.
“Nelson,” his mother said, her voice dripping with disappointment. “That’s going to make it worse. I hope you make sure you tell Kenzie that part. Does she know?”
“No. I didn’t want to upset her. I told you I didn’t reply. It’s no different than if one of her exes reached out to her now.”
“I’m sure she’d tell that person she wasn’t available,” Laken said.
“I don’t know.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Sounds like you got yourself in a jam,” his mother said.
“Ya think?”
“I think you need to be honest,” Laken said. “What, did you just walk out on her? That’s not the best way to fight.”
“She left me. She went to our room and slammed the door. Once she did that, it told me she didn’t want to talk, so I came here.”
“Without even telling her you left?” his mother asked, her voice rising. “Never, ever do that. Don’t you dare leave when you’re angry with the person you love. You don’t know if it’s the last time you might see them again and you won’t be able to live with yourself if it’s the last memory.”
“Fuck!”
He didn’t need his mother to say that to him.
That she’d worried for years if his father would come home.
He didn’t that last time.
But the one thing his mother and father always did, was end every call, every letter, every communication with the knowledge they were loved.
“Couldn’t have said it any better myself,” his mother said. “Go home to your wife and work it out. Don’t give in, don’t be weak, but don’t get mad at her for her feelings either.”
“Heard,” he said, his head down as he retreated to his house.
The pizza was still on the counter where he had left it, the house quiet and almost eerie.
If she had her own transportation, he might have feared she’d leave.
Did she feel trapped here? He didn’t want that.
But she wouldn’t let him do anything for her either.
He had to remember that her entire life changed making this move.
She came with several boxes of clothes and books and very little more.
In debt up to her ears and working part time to make those minimum payments.
He knew she hated depending on him, but she ultimately was.
He took the stairs at a slow pace, each step heavy with the dread of the conversation he wished he didn’t have to have.
At least the door wasn’t locked.
He pushed it open, saw her lying on her stomach, her head turned away from him.
He might have thought she was sleeping if she hadn’t turned her head.
Her cheeks were red, her eyes swollen, her hair matted down. She looked vulnerable and shaken, which shook his confidence. That maybe she didn’t have that same level of confidence in him anymore. In their relationship.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Nothing for you to apologize for,” she said. “Like you said, it was before we met.”
“I know. I’m sorry it hurt you. I don’t want that to happen, but I can’t prevent everything that might upset you either.”
“You think I’m being unrealistic,” she said. “You can admit it.”
He sighed. “You’re not. We are navigating a lot. You have every right to your feelings, just like I do. I’ll be honest. I’ve held something back and maybe I shouldn’t have.”
More tears filled her eyes and it broke his heart.
“I need to know as much as I don’t want to.”
He ran his hand down her back, then up some more trying to soothe her.
“It’s not horrible, but maybe not something I should have kept quiet about.
” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it and tossed it on the bed.
“Lexi has texted me a few times in the past two months. A few other women I’ve spent time with have too.
I haven’t once replied to any of them. I meant what I said.
I don’t even consider cheating. To me, that was just ignoring them, hoping they went away. ”
Her hand hesitated as if she was going to check his phone, then dropped it away. He wanted her to do it, to know he was speaking the truth.
“Obviously it didn’t work.”
“No. I can tell you all I want I haven’t talked to nor seen her or anyone else since I left Vegas, but I can’t make you believe me.”
“I actually do,” she said. “Strange, I know, but I do.”
He let out a breath. “Then what’s the problem? Is it because of what she looked like?”
She nodded her head. “I know I’m not your type.”
“You are,” he said. “Lexi was fun. That’s it. Something to kill the time and nothing more. Just like all the other women. No one stole my heart like you.”
“Because we are bound together,” she said. “Legally.”
“Be realistic, Kenzie. I could have walked away and you know it. Right?”
She sniffled. “Yes.”
“But I didn’t. I couldn’t. This pull we’ve got is massive. It’s not letting me go. I don’t want it to. I hope you feel the same.”
“I do,” she said.
That counted for something.
“When we talked the other day, I wanted you to open up more with me. I know you are, but there are still things you’re keeping in. I was thinking driving back here, that if you wanted to leave, you couldn’t. You’re trapped.”
“I’m not trapped.”
“That’s the wrong word. I’m sorry. But you’re... dependent on me. And you hate that. Admit it.”
“I’m not happy about it, but I agreed to come here knowing it would be this way.”
“And it bothers you, I know. If I say I want to get you a car, you argue with me. You take my car, but during the day, you’re here alone without it, unless you drop me off and pick me up at the subway.”
“I know,” she said. “It’s hard. I’m making it work.”
“I don’t want you to make it work so that it’s stressing you out or you’re not comfortable. I want us to continue talking. To let me help you without overstepping. Can you do that?”
“I thought I was. Until I just acted like a baby. But I think the emotions are catching up. I haven’t cried once since this all happened. I’ve felt sorry for myself for brief moments, but never grieved.”
He cringed. “Grieved? That makes me think your life is over.”
“My past life is,” she said. “Not this one. I shouldn’t have made you feel horrible about what happened. It’s out of your control. My reaction was mine and childish. I know.”
“Hey, you’re allowed to have that just as I’m allowed to swear in the heat of the moment.”
She laughed. “I was wrong to tell you that you can’t do that either. I shouldn’t try to change you.”
“All the changes I’m making are good since I met you. I mean it.”
She sat up and hugged him. “I’m really sorry.”
“I’m not,” he said. “These things have to come out. They have to be said. We have to fight and learn how to do it right. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
He held her as she cried. As much as he wanted to speak, to reassure her that everything would be all right, he bit back the words knowing she had to find that place on her own.
Maybe he’d matured more than he thought he had.