Chapter Sixteen #2
“This is my business, Jules, and you would be best to be out of it—what do you think you’re doing, walking down Grapes Alley!” Lawrence snapped. “Your brother isn’t wrong, you know, you are too casual in your consideration of your own safety!”
Julia’s jaw dropped. Now that, she could never have predicted. Her brother and Lawrence, agreeing with each other?
Where was his appreciation of her spirit? Where was his trust of her—why did he not explain why he had punched a man so brutally—
“I think you need to tell me what this is all about,” Julia said stiffly, pointing at the unconscious man. “Why have you taken it upon yourself to be judge, jury, and if he does not see those cuts seen to, exe—”
“Damnit, Jules, I cannot tell you, so do not ask me!” Lawrence glared, his manner surly. “You don’t understand!”
Julia blinked back tears. It was all too much: the shock of seeing Lawrence here, the fight, the blood, the vicious anger she had seen in his countenance…
He had enjoyed punching this man, she had seen that. He had never enjoyed violence before—at least, not that she had noticed.
Was this to be the beginning of their marriage? Complete honesty was what she had expected, yet she was supposed to accept random acts of violence, with no cause, no explanation?
“Of course I do not understand,” she said quietly, grateful they were alone in the alley as they had this ridiculous argument. “How can I understand if you do not explain it to me?”
Lawrence made an irritated noise in the back of his throat and turned away, as though even looking at her was out of the question.
Julia swallowed. The panic in her stomach was growing now, climbing up her chest and into her throat. What did she know of this man? She had thought she knew him, thought she understood him. But there was evidently a part of Lawrence unknown to her. Was this the only part?
“I demand that you tell me.”
“You don’t get to make demands in this quarter,” Lawrence said quietly, turning back to her, eyes haunted. “No one does. This is between me and—”
“Mortimer.”
Lawrence swore quietly under his breath. “I should not have said—”
“Please, tell me,” Julia said, reaching out her hand to splay it against his chest. She needed to be close to him. Perhaps their connection would return if she could just—
Lawrence pulled away. “Do not ask me of this, Jules, I beg you! You don’t know what you’re—”
“Then how can we get married?” Julia asked helplessly, hand falling to her side. “If you don’t trust me?”
The words hung in the air, once said unable to be unsaid. Julia could hardly believe they had come from her mouth, but they had come from her heart.
It was unbelievable, this whole situation. She could almost laugh at the absurdity!
One moment, arguing with her mother about walking home, the next…
Coming across her betrothed violently attacking a man who appeared to have done no wrong but get caught in Lawrence’s path.
“You are the one not trusting me,” Lawrence said darkly. “You have to believe me, Jules, that when I tell you—”
“I cannot, I will not be told I am untrustworthy when I have not punched a man’s lights out for no cause!” Julia hissed, pointing at the man.
Lawrence laughed. “Oh, there’s cause.”
She started, absolutely unable to take in what was going on. Cause? What possible cause could there be to be treated in such a way?
Julia had met her fair share of unpleasant gentlemen. The ton was full of them. Sometimes she’d had the misfortune to be placed by one at dinner, which was irritating to the extreme. A few times she had been forced to clear her throat loudly to prevent further insults.
Once, she had stepped very hard on Mr. Lister’s foot. It appeared to be the only way to prevent him from leaning ever closer.
But never before had she encountered a soul that deserved such brutal treatment!
Julia glanced once more at the ashen-faced, blood-splattered man who had not regained consciousness.
If Lawrence had merely apprehended him, if the stranger had…oh, fixed a boxing match, perhaps. Stolen something. Then she could have understood. Then perhaps, Julia thought wretchedly, she may have been impressed. Marveled at his restraint, at his sense of justice. But this?
Julia turned her gaze back to Lawrence who blanched. “I trust you, Lawrence. At least, I trusted—I thought we had an understanding.”
“We do—”
“We don’t,” she said simply. “Not if you can go around attacking men without cause. What is to stop this happening again? What if…”
The thought was so terrible, she could not even form words, but it did not appear necessary.
Lawrence stumbled back as though she had launched herself at him. His face was pale. “I would never, never lay a finger on you, Jules! How could you even think—”
“I never thought I would see you lay a finger on anyone outside a boxing ring!” Julia said desperately. Why couldn’t he see? “Lawrence, if you can’t tell me what this is all about, I-I can’t marry you.”
He stared, silent and unmoving.
“Well? Are you going to tell me?”
The time Julia waited, in the silence and gloom of the alley, could only have been about a minute.
Yet every second eked out as long as a century. She could feel her breathing, sense the rise and fall of her chest as she waited. She fixed her eyes on Lawrence’s, begging him silently not to abandon everything they had, everything they wanted, merely for the sake of keeping a silly little secret.
Panic continued to rise in her chest. Lawrence looked wretched, but he looked no closer to opening his mouth than the man to her left was about to awake.
Eventually, Julia’s shoulders slumped. She blinked back tears as everything she thought her life would be crashed down around her.
She had been a fool. Donald had been right.
“Fine,” Julia said quietly. “Mr. Madgwick, please consider this engagement to be at an end.”
“Jules—”
She slipped past him, feet rushing forward as though the very hounds of hell were snapping her ankles. Almost slipping as she turned a corner, Julia pressed on down the alley with only one thought on her mind—to get home as swiftly as possible.
“Jules! Julia, wait!”
But she had waited, Julia thought wretchedly as she dashed tears from her eyes, rushing past the women and into the safety of the main street. She had waited, given him a chance to tell her the truth, and he would not. He would not tell her.
And now all their chance of happiness was over.