Chapter 6 #3
“I didn’t ask whether it would be hard.” The words came out sharper than I’d intended. “You keep saying that like I haven’t thought this through.”
“No one’s saying that,” Tate replied evenly.
“Then what are you saying?”
Emmy’s expression softened. “Shannon, taking care of Lori isn’t the same thing as helping raise a toddler. Lori’s an adult. You love her, sure, but it’s still a job, and she understands that. A kid... that’s different.”
“I know that.”
“We know you do,” Daisy said. “That’s exactly why we’re worried.”
I crossed my arms. “Because you think I can’t handle it?”
“No,” Emmy said. “I think you’d throw yourself into it so completely you’d forget about yourself.”
The room fell quiet.
“You’ve spent months taking care of Lori,” Stevie said. “Before that...”
“My dad,” I finished for her.
Stevie nodded. “You’ve always had someone who needed you, whether or not they deserved it.”
“You’re the first one to help,” Emmy said. “We love that about you. But helping others doesn’t have to come at the expense of your own life.”
Tate leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees. “What do you want?”
My mouth opened, but nothing came out.
A year ago, the answer was easy.
Denver.
My fellowship.
A career I’d worked my ass off for.
A fresh start somewhere no one knew my last name.
But somewhere between Pilates, breakfast queso, and a group of women that refused to let me push them away, the finish line I’d run toward didn’t look the same anymore.
I still wanted to be a speech pathologist.
I still wanted the career.
What I couldn’t seem to figure out was why I’d convinced myself getting those things meant leaving all of this behind.
Harper squealed as another tower of blocks crashed to the floor, the sound breaking the silence before I had to answer.
Stevie pointed a tortilla chip at her daughter. “See? Even Harper thinks this conversation has gone on long enough.”
“I’m only slightly alarmed that mass destruction is what that child finds amusing,” Emmy said.
“You and me both.”
A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.
Tate walked across the room and snagged a breakfast burrito, handing one to me on her way back. “What we need is some data. You said Mikko wants you to travel with the team, right? So he can see you in the stands and not panic about Leena?”
I wasn’t following yet. “Yeah, and?”
“School’s out today and tomorrow, so the Mayhem are at the rink this morning. Ten bucks says Mikko is there with the guys.”
Emmy sat up straight, grinning. “If the panic attack this week was because she wasn’t there...”
“...then today should be different,” Tate finished.
No one spoke for a beat.
It was such an obvious test that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it myself.
“Anxiety is weird,” Daisy said. “Maybe having her there will help? It could make it worse, though. No way to know unless you try.” She trailed off with a small shrug.
“Exactly.” Tate pointed at her. “So we test this hypothesis before we base major life decisions on a hunch.”
The room fell quiet again, and I chewed my lip as I thought this through.
The Linwood Rink wasn’t an NHL game. It was a construction zone full of a bunch of teenagers chasing a puck around. But if Mikko couldn’t handle a Mayhem practice while Leena sat safely in the stands, what chance did he have in front of twenty thousand fans?
Emmy looked at me carefully. “You don’t have to decide anything today.”
“No,” Tate agreed. “But the girlies love data.”
And dammit, I hated how reasonable that sounded.
Thankfully, Stevie changed the subject, asking Emmy if she’d started any wedding planning yet. All too soon, my time was up, needing to hit the road.
Emmy handed Kai back to Daisy and pulled me into one last hug. “We’re going to miss you.”
This time, I hugged her back. “You text me all the time.”
Stevie wrapped both of us in another hug before Emmy had even let go. “Can I cry now?”
“No.”
“What if I do it quietly?”
“Especially no.”
Daisy laughed, bumping my shoulder when they finally let go of me. “Text us when you get to Denver.”
Harper wandered over, her arms already stretched toward me. I scooped her onto my hip without thinking, accepting the sticky kiss on my cheek. “Love you, Nannon.”
“See ya, little bestie.”
I kissed the top of her head before setting her back on the floor, refusing to acknowledge the ache settling in my chest.
“Drive safely,” Tate said, holding the door open.
I slung my backpack over one shoulder. “I always do.”
The cool October air hit my face the second I stepped outside, taking in my hometown for the last time.
Denver was east. The rink was west. I climbed into the rental and sat there for a moment, running a hand along the leather steering wheel.
This wasn’t making a decision.
This was collecting information.
If seeing Leena in the stands stopped him from spiraling, then maybe this whole fake marriage wasn’t as insane as it sounded. And if it didn’t help, then I could walk away knowing no matter what Mikko said, it wasn’t me that made the difference here.
It was him.
Decision made, I turned the key in the ignition and backed onto River Street, headed west.