Chapter 18
Friday rolled around before I knew it, and two home games were under my belt with no panic attack in sight.
Since I knew Shannon and Leena were in the building, maybe I shouldn’t have turned to look for them as often during last night’s game, but I couldn’t seem to help it. Not when every time I looked up, my girls were cheering me on.
Today was our first travel day with the team, and this was a different test. I packed enough diapers and snacks to survive a month instead of a few nights, plus my own travel necessities.
Leena spent the morning babbling in the living room while Shannon shoved my daughter’s favorite toys into a carry-on.
Everything that had sent me into a panic a month ago had been solved, so naturally, my brain had found something new to worry about.
Shannon was quieter than usual after Tuesday night.
Not distant.
Not angry.
Just quieter.
She still smiled at lunch when Leena smeared yogurt across my shirt. She still showed up at my game, not quite wearing Yeti gear, but color-coordinated enough to know she’d done it on purpose. Still wedged herself into the corner of the couch each night with a book.
But I couldn’t seem to let go of the fact that she seemed distracted, like part of her mind was somewhere else entirely.
It went against everything Kevin and I talked about daily, but still my mind jumped to conclusions, telling me that this was my fault.
I kept my hands to myself after last night’s game. Made sure I made it in the shower before I moaned her name again. But maybe the damage was already done.
It wasn’t like I could apologize for showing her how hard I was. I wasn’t even sure I was sorry about it—only about making her uncomfortable.
If she’d heard me.
But maybe she hadn’t.
Surely she had?
Before I let myself spiral into thoughts that I’d already ruined whatever was going on between us, Kevin’s voice rang through my head.
Feelings aren’t facts.
So, what were the facts?
Shannon hadn’t said anything, and she didn’t shy away from difficult conversations.
She wasn’t avoiding me, not when she sat in the living room every night instead of in her own bedroom.
So was I making it up?
As if summoned by my thoughts, she walked into the kitchen with Leena balanced on one hip. “I think we’re packed. You’re sure it’s okay if we bring the stroller?”
The words were normal, not any different than a thousand other conversations we’d had over the last month, but still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.
When I didn’t answer, she looked up at me, and it was the first time I noticed how tired she looked. Like maybe all of this was asking too much of her.
“Do you want to quit?” I asked, shocked that the words had left my mouth. “Us, I mean. Not your job.”
Shannon jerked her head back. “What? No. Why would you think that?”
“Because I…” I was a grown-ass man, and I couldn’t even finish the sentence without turning bright red. “Made things weird. After the game on Tuesday.”
She set Leena down on the floor, then turned to face me. “Your body had a reaction to the adrenaline still in your system. That’s not something to be embarrassed about. And no, I do not want to quit.”
I frowned, not expecting her to downplay the fact that I’d shown her I had a raging erection while we were sitting on the couch doing literally nothing together.
“I mean, I’m not stupid. I know the reputation athletes have, especially with that much adrenaline in their system. A different woman in every city, right?”
“That’s not—”
“Actually,” she cut in. “We’ve never discussed this in our agreement. What are the rules for us sleeping with someone? Am I supposed to turn a blind eye if you sneak a woman up after a game?”
“I would never.”
The words came so fast that she blinked in response.
“Okay. That solves that, then, I guess.”
This entire conversation was so far from what I expected, my mind couldn’t even determine which way was up, but the thought of my wife with someone else made any sort of restraint I had dissolve into nothing.
“Don’t get it confused, wife,” I leaned in to whisper. “You’re the only one in my head.”
She leaned back to look at me, those pretty lips open. Her dark eyes were dilated like a few nights ago. So even when my mind began screaming the alarms that I’d fucked up this time, I ignored it.
Instead, I focused on the way her tongue came out, wetting her lips.
I put my hand under her chin, then swiped a thumb over that bottom lip I couldn’t look away from. “So if you need someone, needing anything, you come to me. You let your husband take care of you. Understood?”
Her breath came in little rasps, eyes darting all over my face, but with my hand under her chin, I felt her little nod.
Good.
I stepped away before I pushed this any further, giving her space to think over my words. My heart was racing, my hands flexing at my side with as much adrenaline as a post-game high from the images flashing in my mind.
But I didn’t regret it. Not when I wanted her to know that anything she wanted from me was hers for the taking.
“We leave in an hour,” I said over my shoulder.
“Understood.”
It was probably in response to our departure, but I couldn’t help but smile.
Couldn’t stop myself from twisting it into a new sort of agreement.
Couldn’t avoid yet another cold shower at the thought of my wife.
I carried Leena across the tarmac toward the team plane, her diaper bag on my shoulder and our suitcase in hand.
Shannon walked a step in front of us, head turning in every direction to take it all in.
Her hands were pinched in the straps of her backpack, pulling it taught against her body.
It looked like a nervous gesture, even if her face was calm.
Traveling on a private plane wasn’t the same as flying commercially.
There were no gate attendants, no lines as we waited to board, no paging systems sending travelers into a panic over delayed flights.
Instead, we got off the team bus on the tarmac, then walked the short distance to a set of metal stairs leading up to the plane.
“Shannon!” Logan called as he weaved between our teammates and headed toward us. “Wait up!”
My wife turned to look over her shoulder at him, his hair flopping all over the place in the cool breeze.
“Do I no longer matter to you?” I asked.
“Psh. I see you all the time. These guys, though.” He leaned in and tickled Leena’s belly, making her giggle even as she pulled into me. “You didn’t sit by me on the bus.”
Logan turned to Shannon, hands outstretched like he was about to tickle her too.
Shannon shoved right in the middle of his forehead, pushing him out of reach. “Touch me and die.”
Frankie boomed a laugh at the top of the stairs, arms crossed while he watched us board the plane. “Oh, I like her. Good choice, Meeks.”
Richard stood next to him, busy on his phone, but looked up at the sound of my name.
Shannon boarded first, and I pointed toward the last row in the back corner. “You pick—window or aisle. But that row’s ours.”
“Window.” Shannon pulled her backpack even tighter.
Leena gripped my shirt as we walked through the rows of my teammates toward my row in the back, hiding from all the attention she was getting from everyone.
“She’s cute, man,” Kozy said with a wave. “Looks nothing like you.”
I knocked the hat off his head, then waited while Shannon got settled in her seat. As soon as she sat down, she held her hands out to Leena with a smile, and my daughter practically leaped out of my arms. When Shannon looked at her like that, how could I blame her?
Instantly, the girls snuggled each other, and I was so caught up in how precious this view was, I almost forgot what I was doing.
“Are you going to put your bags up or stare at those pretty girls of yours the entire flight?” Nolan said from the back galley where he was busy mixing drinks.
“Don’t give him too much shit,” Carter said from his side. “The Silent Giant’s finally back. We need that temper on the ice, not on the plane.”
Mixing drinks was about as far from Carter’s job as he could get, and yet almost every flight he helped Nolan in the galley before taking the last seat in the row across from me.
Nolan handed Shannon a Diet Coke before she even asked for one, delivering it with a wink. “For the lady.”
“I knew I liked you.” Shannon grinned before Nolan walked down the aisle to get the rest of the team settled for takeoff.
I sat back in my seat, feeling at ease for the moment. “Have you ever been to New York City?”
Shannon took a sip of her drink, then set it in the cupholder between us. “I’ve never even been on a plane before.”
I looked over at her in surprise. “Seriously?”
“Closest I’ve gotten was watching them land at the regional airport.”
Something about that hit me harder than it probably should have. But after seeing where she grew up and meeting her alcoholic father, it wasn’t hard to piece together.
“Then I’m glad I get to be your first.”
The words left my mouth before my brain approved them.
Shannon slowly turned to look at me, one dark eyebrow lifted.
Logan made a choking sound from the row in front of us, once again abandoning his typical card game to sit by me.
“Oh, damn,” he whispered loudly enough for half the plane to hear. “He doesn’t even know he did it.”
Heat rushed up my neck. “I meant—”
“I know what you meant.” The corners of her mouth twitched, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh.
Logan twisted around in the seat, looking between us. “No, no. Please explain it. I want to hear this.”
Carter slapped Logan on the back of the head. “Leave the poor Finn alone. English is his second language.”
“That wasn’t an English problem,” Logan shot back. “That’s a he’s thinking about boning his wife problem.”
A chorus of “ooohs” echoed from somewhere farther up the cabin.
“Sit down,” Coach Tremblay called without even looking up from the paperwork in his lap.
Logan held both hands up innocently before turning back around. “I’ll be quiet.”
That lasted almost five whole seconds.