Chapter 23
vera
Night was heavy on the manor. I sat in the library, looking at the blade Petra had given me.
Whitecliffs’ mark, right there on the hilt. A good find on her part. Only the top operatives would have something like this, a status symbol.
Perfect to plant evidence with. Perfect to frame them for what I was about to do.
I didn’t want to.
It sat like a stone in the pit of my stomach, and I pressed my forehead against the glass, looking out at the gardens below, where rain had picked up again, a distant thunderstorm rumbling. The part of me that felt nothing…
She wasn’t coming out today.
Again.
My father’s voice hammered in the back of my mind.
Again, Vera.
Try harder. Do it again.
It’s like you’re trying to disappoint me.
Again.
Again.
I could do it again. I’d killed before. I’d killed someone I loved before, if you could call what my father and I had love.
Again.
I pushed away from the railing, striding through night-drenched halls to the primary bedroom. My stomach lurched at the sight.
Elaine. Looking perfectly well, perfectly beautiful, dressed in that long, silken nightrobe I’d given her, soft white like that dress she loved. She lay sleeping soundly, still wearing the ring.
First my father. Now my wife.
The world was a cruel place. In no small part because of people like me.
I drew the knife, and I stalked silently across the room. It gleamed in the flashes of lightning as I held it in dagger grip over her, watching… waiting. Waiting for certainty that would never come.
I waited too long. A sound broke the air.
Something scratched at the door—the quiet mewing of the damn cat—and Elaine stirred underneath me.
One movement was all I needed—I just had to act, drive the knife down, end it—but invisible threads tied around my wrist, and Elaine opened her eyes, flickering awake at the sight of me, gasping.
“Vera?” She sat up, her hands to her chest, just as lightning struck close by, illuminating the jagged outline of the blade against the darkness of the room, but Elaine’s eyes weren’t afraid.
No. She looked… worried.
For me.
“Vera, what’s going on?” she said, reaching up and caressing my cheek, and I didn’t realize I was crying until she brushed my tears away. “Are you okay?”
Again.
I flashed with anger, and I grabbed Elaine by the shoulder, shoving her down into the bed and positioning myself over her, the knife raised. I gritted my teeth, clutching the knife until my knuckles burned.
“You should be screaming,” I heard myself rasp. “I’m here to kill you, Elaine.”
Her lips parted, eyes quivering. “Vera… why?”
Why? She looked like she cared more that I would have to kill again than that she was going to die. Dammit. What the hell was wrong with this woman? No wonder her mother had walked all over her. Did she have no self-preservation? Nothing?
“I have to,” I choked. “I lied to you. We’re the ones who want the South Yard.
We’re the ones building the project. The Whitecliffs wanted to kill you to stall us from it.
I was sent to get it from you. I said we’d get married to protect you, so that if you died, it would be transferred to me.
Couldn’t you see it? Wasn’t it obvious the whole time?
I’ve been waiting to kill you, Elaine. This whole time, I’ve been laying a trail.
You’ve followed it. Unquestioningly. You’re a damn fool, Elaine, and you have no one to blame but yourself. I’m here to kill you.”
She was quiet, looking up at me for a long time, before she whispered the small words that broke me.
“Then why haven’t you?”
I shattered, choking on tears, my knife arm growing tired now.
Every part of me was tired. I wanted to collapse into her.
“Fuck, Elaine,” I rasped. “I’ve never killed someone like you before.
They’ve been mobsters. Cheating business partners.
Murderers and thieves. They’ve deserved it.
Every last one of them. Even my own father.
I didn’t think twice. But you, you… you… ”
She pursed her lips, tears dancing in her eyes. “So you do… care for me, then, I mean.”
“I wish you weren’t like this. I wish you were… as cruel and selfish as everyone else.”
She brushed her hand over my cheek, wiping the tears away. “I won’t try to stop you.”
“What?” I snapped, shaking my head. “What is wrong with you?”
“I wouldn’t be able to, anyway. Just… well. If it hadn’t been for you, I’d have been dead anyway. I at least got to live a few better days first. Days of having someone see me. Just… promise you’ll give my family the help you said? As long as they’re all safe… I’m okay.”
“You’re going to let me kill you? Just lie there and smile at me like that while I fucking slit your throat?” I choked out the words between angry tears, and she nodded.
“Maybe after this, you can escape,” she whispered. “Maybe you can find a way to change it. To not have to kill people.”
“There is no escape, Elaine!” I choked. “Do you hear me? I can never escape. This is who I am. This is all I am! This is all I ever will be!”
She put her hands up, cupping my face. “No,” she whispered, the most powerful sound in the universe. “This is who you’ve been until tonight. Tomorrow, you can be whoever you need to be. It’s never too late to fly, Vera.”
“Elaine.” I strained her name through gritted teeth, and I lowered the knife to the top of her chest, pressing into the skin there until she gasped quietly and a small drop of blood began to bead. “Dammit, Elaine. Damn it all.”
She closed her eyes. “Tell my family I love them. And tell your younger self… the one who was trapped and had no way out but to hurt… tell her that I love her too.”
I let out a horrible, angry scream as I pulled the blade away, and with all my might, I drove it down.