17. James #2
“Not as much as I’d like to be,” Lauren admitted.
“I keep in touch through emails and calls, but they’re on their own paths now and don’t have much time.
I helped my sister, Lucy, pay for college.
She’s a nurse now, and I’m so proud of her.
We keep in the best touch and call pretty often.
Louis got married young, like my parents did, and has a few kids now.
He seems happy, too. He’s a mechanic at a local auto shop and does a great job.
Logan joined the military, but I don’t know where he’s stationed these days. He doesn’t write much anymore.
“I try to be there for them. I tell them I’ll do whatever I can for them. But Logan still blames me for leaving to come to San Valentino, and sometimes I think the others do, too.”
“You had to go,” James said. “It sounds like you’ve done right by your siblings, and at some point, you had to follow your own dreams, too. What about your parents? How are they now?”
“They’re the same as always,” Lauren said. “They work a bunch of odd jobs, never the same ones for very long. Sometimes, they ask for money. Sometimes, they just don’t talk to me.” She met James’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I never talk about this. I don’t know why I’m telling you.”
“I get it,” James said.
“Do you?” Lauren nodded. “I think you do. I haven’t wanted to pry, but I’ve been wondering about your childhood, too.”
“Yeah.” James paused for a long moment, then he sighed.
Part of him wanted to keep his own past a secret, but Lauren had been so brave to open up.
He didn’t want her to feel alone. “My dad took over Pembrook PR from his dad in his early twenties, just like I did.
He and my mom had just gotten married. He spent every second at work, just like I do, but the difference was that he had a wife and kid at home.
A wife and kid he never saw, because he was always working.
“My mom resented that. And my dad resented that she wasn’t happy. He always said he had to work to keep the company afloat and pay for things. And he always told me I needed to get excellent grades in school, go to a great college, and be the perfect son so I’d be ready to inherit the company.”
“That sounds like a lot of pressure,” Lauren said. She took James’s hand, and he didn’t pull away.
“It was. And then, it got worse. My mom got sick. She was in and out of the hospital for a few years, but still, my dad just worked and worked. I think he buried himself in his job to avoid facing his feelings. I did as much as I could for my mom, but I was just a teenager. Finally, my dad agreed to take some time off work to be home with her, but by then, it was too late. She passed away when I was a teenager.”
“Oh, James.” Lauren squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I,” he said. “After that, it was just me and my dad. No more of my mom teaching me how to cook or telling me how to be a good person. Just my dad, telling me to be the perfect son or not to bother trying.”
“And I bet you never felt like it was enough,” Lauren said.
“Exactly. So, I decided the best thing I could do was bury myself in work but avoid having a family of my own. That way…” James trailed off, and Lauren nodded.
“I get it now,” Lauren said softly. She let go of his hand so that she could sit up, cross her legs, and look at him.
“You know, I think we just found our biggest similarity. Our childhoods were different, but they were also very similar. We both had difficulties with our parents. We both had to grow up too fast.”
“We did,” James agreed. “As hard as it was for me, though, I can’t imagine being responsible for my younger siblings while my parents were working. That must have been so hard.”
Lauren nodded. “But at least neither of my parents got sick.”
“I still count myself lucky,” James said. “At least I got a few good years with my mom. It’s thanks to her that I’m the man I am today. Or, the good parts are thanks to her, anyway.”
“What’s your relationship with your father like now?” Lauren asked.
“He handed the company over to me when I turned twenty-five,” James said.
“It was hard for him to give up control, and we clashed a lot in the early years. I tried to do everything he’d told me: lead with an iron fist, keep a short leash on clients and employees, do everything important myself, all that.
But it was never enough. Finally, I told him that he’d given the company to me and that he needed to step back.
After a while, he did. We haven’t talked much since. ”
“I’m sorry.” Lauren bit her lip.
“No, it’s a good thing. My father and I are better with a little distance between us.”
Lauren smiled very slightly. “I can completely understand that.”
“Well.” James smiled back. “I had no idea we were going to end up talking like this. I truly thought we’d be discussing broccoli the whole trip.”
Lauren laughed at his halfhearted joke. “I don’t know if this is better. I just… don’t tell anyone about my family, okay? I don’t bring it up with most people because I know it would change how they see me.”
“Likewise,” James agreed. “Let’s just make a deal that whatever we talk about on this trip stays between us.”
“Agreed.” Lauren held out her hand to shake his. “This is an even more important rule than the no-work rule.”
“We sure do have a lot of rules.”
“We do.” Lauren smiled as she recited them. “No telling secrets to others. No work. No interfering in each other’s companies. Only a year of marriage. No feelings.”
“No feelings,” James agreed. Their eyes met, and something flared in his chest, as warm as the bright noonday sun overhead.
“Maybe we have too many rules,” Lauren said quietly. The teasing tone had left her voice, and her eyes were now fixed on James’s.
“Do you think so?” he asked, and his voice was lower, too. Now that he knew more about Lauren, he felt even closer to her than he had before.
Just then, a camera flashed, and they both straightened, raising their hands to shade their eyes from the flash and the sun. A guy in khaki shorts with a large professional camera waved at them before heading off down the beach.
“Well.” Lauren stood, brushing sand from her legs. Her tone was back to business-like. “We got our picture. I guess that’s our cue to head back to the resort.”
“Should we get something to eat on the way?” James suggested.
“Like at that corn stand?” Lauren grinned. “Sure.”
A few minutes later, they were walking back toward the parking lot, their steps slow, as they munched on spiced corn and sipped a lime-flavored Mexican soft drink.
Lauren chatted about the ray they’d seen in the water and the flavor of the soda, while James chimed in with commentary on the corn and details of their evening plans.
Neither of them mentioned their families or the moment they’d almost shared.
Still, as they drove back to the resort, James couldn’t help feeling that he was closer to Lauren than ever. He understood her better now, too. Now, her comments about relying on herself and her fierce independence made sense.
Part of him wanted to regret opening up about his family. He hadn’t talked about his mom in years. But a stronger part felt relief at finally talking to someone about the emotions he’d kept bottled up inside since he’d been a teenager. It felt good to see Lauren. It felt good to be seen, too.