20. Lauren
LAUREN
Lauren woke up with her head on James’s shoulder and his arm around her.
For a few moments, she didn’t open her eyes.
She just listened to his heartbeat and the soft ebb and flow of his breathing as memories from the night before washed over her.
The night they’d spent together had been nothing like she expected.
Not that she’d expected it to happen at all.
While James was often arrogant in day-to-day life, he’d been exceptionally attentive and responsive with her.
Lauren would always remember the way he’d breathed her name like an incantation, like she was the most important person in the universe. She’d felt so seen. So beautiful.
Perhaps Lauren should have felt regret. After all, the night they’d spent together, and the feelings blossoming in her chest, could very well endanger their business arrangement and their plans going forward.
But she didn’t. She couldn’t regret the magical night they’d spent together.
Maybe James didn’t feel the same way, but that was a problem for later.
Right now, she’d just enjoy her memories.
Lauren slipped out of bed, freshened up, and went to make tea and coffee. When James came into the kitchen, he pulled her into a gentle kiss, and Lauren melted into him. It was a clear sign that he’d treasured their time together, too.
Just this week, she told herself. I’ll only let this happen until the honeymoon ends.
And so, she did.
Each day of their honeymoon, she and James went to restaurants, had picnics, hiked, snorkeled in the ocean, and went for boat tours, with plenty of pictures taken of them at every activity.
At night, they fell hungrily into each other’s arms, unable to keep apart a second longer once the door of their bungalow closed.
And they talked. Lauren shared details of her past she’d never mentioned to anyone.
James told her about his mother, about his childhood, about his dreams for the future.
He was like a completely different person now, far from San Valentino and the pressures of their work. Lauren felt different, too.
And then, the final day of the vacation arrived.
They drove to the small airport where James’s private jet was waiting.
Lauren stared out the window the whole way, already missing this place and this time.
They boarded. As they sat down, Lauren looked across at James, and her heart ached.
It was the end of the honeymoon. When they returned to San Valentino, everything would go back to the way it had been.
It had to.
Or did it? Despite her best intentions, hope began to grow in Lauren’s chest. Maybe there was some way, somehow, that they could keep their newfound closeness back home. Maybe they could balance work and some kind of relationship.
“What are you thinking about?” James asked as the flight attendant handed them each a glass of champagne.
“Just what we’ll do when we get back home,” Lauren said.
“Me, too,” James said. “I have a business meeting first thing tomorrow.”
“So do I,” Lauren said. “With Missy, about her nonprofit.”
“It’ll be a busy week,” James said.
“It will,” Lauren agreed.
“Oh, and I won’t see you much this weekend,” James added. “I’m taking some clients to the San Bernardino Valley for wine tasting.” He paused, then, almost as an afterthought, added, “You could come.”
“I can’t,” Lauren admitted. “I have way too much work. I’ll be in the office all weekend, I think.”
Her heart sank. Even if they both wanted to spend time together and explore their feelings, it would hardly be possible. They were both too busy with work. And neither could prioritize the other over their job.
They chatted a little on the rest of the flight, but the closer they got to San Valentino, the less they spoke.
Lauren could almost feel a shift in the air between them.
Already, foreboding crept in, past the magnificent happiness that had carried her through their week in Mexico.
James must have felt the same way, because he ended up looking at his phone and not at her.
By the time they landed, Lauren knew that the surety she’d felt on the honeymoon had been nothing more than delusion.
James was amazing. She’d always cherish the week they’d spent together at Floriela.
And she’d treasure his friendship, too, for as long as it lasted.
Yet, at the same time, she knew that she couldn’t continue what they’d found in Mexico.
It could put their agreement at risk, because they might break up for any number of reasons, throwing Lauren’s visa status into peril.
She could end up with a broken heart, no visa, and no professional future.
Not could. Would. James wasn’t the kind of guy who could commit to a serious relationship. Lauren couldn’t, either.
Even worse, what if they didn’t break up?
What if they stayed together, and Lauren became reliant on James instead of on herself?
The thought was terrifying. She’d worked hard never to rely on anyone who could let her down, and James had been honest about not dating because he knew he’d let his partner down by working all the time.
What if she ended up like James’s mother, miserable while he worked constantly?
They drove home mostly in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. When they returned to the penthouse, Lauren and James had barely taken off their shoes and put down their suitcases before they turned to each other.
“Can we—” James started.
“We need—” Lauren said at the same time. They both laughed a little nervously.
“You first,” James said gallantly.
“I think — I hope — we may be wanting to talk about the same thing,” Lauren said. “Come on, let’s sit down.”
They went into the kitchen, as always, and Lauren absentmindedly started tea for herself and coffee for James.
“I had such a great time in Mexico,” she began.
“And now that we’re back…” James trailed off, and Lauren nodded as relief flooded her.
“Exactly. Now that we’re back, we can’t continue like this. We’re both way too busy with work. Plus, I wouldn’t want a relationship between us beyond friendship to put our agreement in danger. What happened in Mexico can’t happen again.”
A shadow flickered across James’s face. Lauren bit her lip.
“You agree, don’t you?”
“I—” James cut himself off and nodded. “Of course. You’re right. ‘No positive feelings’ was our big rule.”
“Exactly.” Lauren nodded, too. “I’m so happy that we can be friends. And I’m so thankful for your help. I just…”
“No, I get it. I already told you that my business has to be the most important thing in my life, and I know the same thing is true for you. In fact, I’m going to go right now and get some work done.”
“Oh.” His words slammed Lauren in the chest. Even though she was the one who’d said they shouldn’t let what had happened in Mexico happen again, she was disappointed. She’d hoped they’d fall back into a rhythm of companionship, at least. “What about your coffee?”
“I’ll get it later. Have a nice afternoon.”
And with that, James was gone. Lauren slumped against the counter as the coffee machine beeped to say it was ready. That had been harder than she’d expected, even though it was absolutely the right call.
She lifted a finger to her mouth and traced the outline of her lips, where James had kissed her. Her heart ached. That week had been the closest she’d gotten to a real relationship in her life, and she’d liked it. She’d liked it way too much.
If only things were different. If only she could trust James completely, trust him not to let her down and not to hurt her.
If only she could trust herself to stand on her own two feet, even with James by her side.
If only she were the kind of person who could topple headfirst into love without thinking about the consequences.
If only, if only, if only.
Over the next few weeks, both Lauren and James worked a lot.
They had a few dinners and breakfasts together, but it wasn’t as frequent as before, and when they did eat together, the conversations were only surface level and were often stilted.
For Lauren, it was confirmation that she’d made the right choice.
The distance hurt, and if they’d continued to have a romantic relationship, she would have been even more hurt by it.
A few days after their honeymoon, the first images of the two of them at Floriela started to appear online.
Lauren spotted a picture of the two of them walking on the beach, hand in hand, and another of them sitting at a table.
In the second picture, they were both laughing and leaning toward each other, their eyes meeting.
More and more pictures came out, as well as a few articles.
Lauren saw herself and James lying on the sand and knew they’d been having their tender conversation about their childhoods.
She saw a picture of them kissing on the yacht, and her heart raced when she saw how in love they’d looked.
She saw a picture of them on a boat tour and knew it had been the morning after they’d spent the night together.
It hurt to relive those memories, knowing that moments like that would never happen again, but it was a good thing. With the many pictures and articles, no one was doubting the validity of their marriage anymore. They’d done what they wanted to do.
And if the consequence was going back to a distance between her and James, so be it. Lauren didn’t need him. She only needed herself.