34
Jo’s cottage was right by the slopes down to the beach overlooking the sea. It was smaller than Robert had thought. Only half the size or less of the house they had been staying in in Brighton. It had a thatched roof and half-timbered walls. Both looked well-kept though.
It was standing at a ninety-degree angle with the sea at the shortest side facing it and the broadest facing the road on one side and the garden on the other. Dog roses were blooming around the entrance door, giving the place a vibrant and colorful look.
Just like Jo, Robert thought.
A prickle of nerves traveled down his arms at being so close to her.
Robert hesitantly jumped from the horse.
There was a small stable off the side of the cottage, but he was not certain whether it was in use.
Jo had ridden in his carriage there, but it was not in sight.
She must send for it, when she needed it, since he had asked his driver and the footman to remain in the area with her.
Robert walked to the stable, but as he suspected, it was empty. It smelled of fresh hay and horse manure though, which indicated that horses did live here. Perhaps Jo was out. He glanced back at the cottage. He could not see anyone, but she had specifically invited him for three o’clock today.
After arriving at the inn two days ago, he had sent her a note telling her that he was staying there and asking whether it was too close and if he should leave.
He had held his breath when he received the first note, dreading having to travel to Riddlesmarsh Hall alone.
The note had, however, only said: You can stay.
Robert’s shoulders had lowered, but only slightly.
He was not being dismissed, but she also did not sound welcoming.
He had spent the day around the inn, going on a ride where he kept as far away from the coast as possible to minimize any chances that he might come across Jo.
He had eaten alone in the private parlor, relieved that he did not have to talk to someone, yet wishing someone was there.
No, not someone. Jo. He had wanted to tell her about the innkeeper who kept saying: “Indeed, Your Grace” to everything Robert said and hear her gush over the puppies who lived in the stables.
Late last night a note had arrived that invited him for tea at the cottage.
Jo had written it; he knew her handwriting by now, but it was in the style of someone writing to a mere acquaintance.
More impersonal even, since she did not even use his title, let alone his given name.
If it had been sent to another, it would have been rude. But perhaps that was the point.
Robert undid the buckles of the horse’s harness and saddle, brushing the horse over briefly with a whisk of hay, before he let it into one of the small boxes.
He slowly walked toward the cottage, not knowing what to expect.
His stomach bubbled with nerves and he felt sick.
This was the most important meeting of his life, and he had no clue what awaited him.
Usually, when entering into a negotiation with an opponent from the House of Lords, he had a good idea of where they stood, what the other party wanted and was willing to give, and what he was.
But now he had no sources and only knew he would be willing to give everything, make every promise, for the situation to be right again.
Grovel, beg, plead, cry, as long as Jo would look at him the way she had previously.
He did not have time to knock before the door opened. Jo was standing there in one of her new dresses, a midnight blue day dress that reminded him of the evening dress that had started everything between them only three weeks ago.
Robert gulped at the sight of her. Her nose was even more freckled than when she left Brighton. Her hair even brighter. She must have spent a lot of time outside. Walking, contemplating the future of their marriage, most likely. And now she was ready to pass a verdict.
“Jo…” Robert began breathlessly as he looked into her eyes.
Jo’s blue-grey eyes held his. He thought he caught longing in them, before she abruptly looked away and stepped back.
“Come in,” she told him and held the door for him. “I have given the servants the day off. It will just be us.”
Even though he knew he was there for another reason, it still sent a thrill down his spine. The two of them completely alone. But Jo had not sent her servants away to be intimate with him. He was there for an entirely different reason, he reminded his body as he walked inside.
“This way,” Jo instructed him and led the way into a parlor on her right.
Robert stopped on the threshold to the room.
It was not particularly large: It spanned the width of the cottage and had a window toward the sea and one toward the garden.
There was a desk by the window toward the garden, a chair by the fireplace in the middle with a basket of some kind of handiwork in it and built-in shelves on the wall next to the window with a view of the sea.
A high-backed chair was standing in front of it and a small sofa was pressed into the space between the wall and the fireplace.
Both had upholstery in a pine green color.
The room was so Jo it made his heart clench: The blue tapestry on the wall.
The arrangement of stones on the mantlepiece just like in her room in London.
The same slight disarray as well, with a book placed on the seat of the high-backed chair, a shawl thrown over the back of the lounge chair, and a pair of gloves on the desk.
There were paintings on the walls: a bouquet of flowers and two children playing in a meadow on one wall.
Above the sofa was a painting of a young couple with a small blonde girl between them in a white dress.
Both parents were looking at the girl, while she was looking directly at the viewer with her blue-grey eyes that spoke of a curious mind.
A young Jo and her parents. Below it was a smaller painting of an older man.
The resemblance to Mr. Hawkins was striking and Robert instantly knew it was Jo’s uncle.
It looked like the canvas had been bent at one corner at some point.
The room was like stepping into her mind. All of the most important things in her life were here.
And him too, Robert hoped.
“Why don’t you take the chair?” Jo said, gesturing to the high-backed chair, then hurriedly walked around him to retrieve the book.
Had she been reading while she waited for him? His stomach dropped at the thought. If she was calm enough to read, this meeting could not be as important for her as it was for him.
Robert squared his shoulders as he walked toward the chair. He was not one to give up without a fight. Jo would have to listen to him. He would make certain that she did.
Suddenly he understood exactly why Jo had been so agitated when they were fighting.
Just the thought that he might not be able to reason with her felt infuriating.
Blast it, he had been a fool for trying to keep his emotions in check.
He should have given in to his desire for a heated argument, then perhaps she would not have ended up leaving.
Jo settled on the small sofa opposite him, as Robert stood in front of the high-backed chair and waited for her to sit.
“Tea?” she asked, already holding the pot above a cup.
Robert nodded appreciatively as he sat down. He watched in silence as Jo poured a cup for them both, adding a squeeze of lemon and a little sugar to his and a splash of milk in her own.
They sipped the tea in silence and Robert fought with how to begin. Nerves prickled under his skin. He was so close to having all that he wanted, yet he wanted so much more with Jo than a stilted conversation across a tea table. There was nothing to do, though, but to throw himself right into it.
“I would like to apologize again, Jo,” he told her earnestly.
He tried to gain eye contact with her, but when she only briefly looked at him before looking away again, he decided it was better to say what he had come to say.
“First, I want to apologize for calling you ridiculous. Or rather, your plan to come here ridiculous. I was scared because you were leaving and what it would do to us. But I know – and knew at the time as well – that it was the wrong choice of words. And I know you, Jo. When you said you needed time alone to think, I should have allowed it without hesitation.”
“Thank you,” Jo told him quietly. She looked up as she spoke and her eyes remained on him. Her gaze was still tentative, but Robert took it as a huge win that she was not breaking eye contact with him.
“Secondly, I would like to apologize for speaking to the solicitor in the first place. I did it to spare you. My explanation that I was afraid it might raise gossip was what I told myself at the time. The underlying reason was that I hate that you have to deal with your cousin, and I will do anything so that you don’t have to… ”
He could tell that Jo was about to interrupt him and made an urgent motion with his hand, hoping to silence her without seeming too demanding.
“If you would allow me to finish?”
She nodded mutely, and Robert went on:
“I know you want to deal with him, though. If it is regarding your money. Probably also in other instances as well… and I should not have tried to interfere. I want you to know that I only did so out of concern for you. Because I care about you, Jo. Deeply.” Robert gulped at the words.
He was not ready to launch himself into a declaration. Not if she did not accept his apology.
“I care about you too,” Jo told him quietly. “I am glad that you realize you should not have interfered.”
She paused as she regarded him.
“Ambrose was here a couple of days ago.”
Robert felt his blood boil at the words.
“He wanted a few possessions he thought I had stolen from him,” Jo continued. “I sent him away. Told him to never enter my home again. To never come near me.”
Heavens, he wished he had seen it. His brave, beautiful Jo standing up to her cousin.
“I learned all of this by interacting with my cousin,” Jo told him a bit smugly as she leaned against the back of the sofa. “It was not pleasant and I would rather that you had been there, but it had to be done, and I sense that you understand that now.”
Robert nodded and looked down at his hands. He had been thoroughly chastised, he sensed.
“I do understand,” he said and looked at her briefly, then out the window.
The sea was not visible through it when you were sitting down.
Just the blue sky and the dark green shrubbery.
If Jo allowed him to, he would like to rectify it so she could see the sea from what was clearly her favorite room in the house.
He looked back at her again. “I think that it was good that I was not there. I would never have listened to him long enough for him to tell his story.”
Jo smiled, and for a minute or more, their eyes locked on each other and they simply stared.
Hope spiraled in Robert’s chest. It was the first time it felt possible that maybe, just maybe, everything could go back to the way it had been.
No, even better, because Jo would know where he stood.
And he would hopefully know she was on the same page.
Or believed she could get there at least.
“Jo,” he breathed and placed his cup back on the low table between them.
It did not seem right to declare your love across a tea table.
“Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
Jo looked hesitant, before she scooted to the corner of the sofa. Robert hurriedly moved to sit beside her. The sofa was so small that their thighs were almost touching. It was more like a wide high-backed chair than a sofa really.
“Jo,” Robert repeated and reached for her, palm up, hoping she would place her hand in his.
When Jo tentatively did, Robert felt a frisson of warmth shoot through his body.
Once again, he reprimanded himself. Even though he might still desire her desperately, it would take time before she felt comfortable sharing a bed with him again.
And he would wait. However long it took.
“You asked me to figure out what I want out of this marriage. And I have.”
He heard her swift intake of breath at his words. Her eyes were on their hands, not on his face, but Robert’s gaze remained on her as he spoke.
“I want everything, Jo. I want us to spend as much time together as possible. I want us to share a bed. I want the five children that we raise together. I want…” he took a deep breath, “…us to be partners. And I realize that means I cannot go above your head, not even when I think it is in your best interests. I do. I really do. I…” Robert paused again, steeling himself, since Jo was still not meeting his eyes, only casting furtive glances his way.
“I love you, Jo,” he told her gently. “I am in love with you.”
She gasped at his words, and her eyes were full of tears when she looked at him.
“I am glad that you have given us this time apart, since it might have taken me much longer to realize it otherwise.” He huffed a self-deprecating laugh.
“I… I love you too,” Jo breathed, before she hurled herself into his arms.
Robert squeezed her tightly against him, feeling determined to never let her go.
Jo’s back shook against his hand, but he could not determine whether it was from laughing or crying until a grin escaped her. But when she looked at him, tears were streaming down her face as well.
Robert smiled tentatively as he smoothed the curls back from her face.
“How is it possible?” Jo whispered in a hoarse voice. “I am so strange and unwomanly.”
“You are anything but,” Robert told her fiercely. “You are everything. You are perfect.”
Jo bubbled with a sound somewhere between a sob and laughter and her mouth crashed into his a moment after.
Robert kissed her desperately and urgently, matching the ferocity in Jo’s kisses.
Her tongue was in his mouth as she crawled into his lap, straddling his thighs.
Robert ran his hands up her back, wanting nothing more than to take the dress off and feel her skin against his again.
Jo was clearly thinking the same thing:
“Let’s go upstairs,” she breathed against his mouth.
“Not yet,” Robert told her in a hoarse voice and pried his mouth away. “I have something for you. Something I want you to sign.”
He reached between them into his jacket pocket to find the new contract he had made.
“Oh,” Jo breathed and then sprang from his lap. Robert was afraid that he might have offended her, but then she started rummaging through the drawers in her desk. She held up a slip of paper triumphantly. “I have something I want you to sign too.”