Chapter 37
“Beckham Lawrence. Been a while since I’ve seen you in here,” an older man says as I approach the counter of the hardware store.
Now that I’ve temporarily moved back into my old townhouse, I have time to make some of the repairs I’ve been putting off. Like fixing the loose faucet in the kitchen and replacing the doorknob leading out to the back porch. I’ve also been giving the place a fresh coat of paint to get it ready for whatever’s next.
Right now, I’m not sure what that is.
When word spread that Grady would be retiring, I started receiving quite a few offers from vineyards up and down the west coast. Initially, I ignored them, hoping I’d be the one to buy the vineyard. Now that I won’t be, I’ve been reaching out to some of them to see what they have to say.
I hate the idea of leaving Sycamore Falls, but the more time I spend here, the more I realize it’s probably the best thing for me.
And Haley.
“I’ve been busy,” I tell Mitch Howard, who’s owned the local hardware store here for as long as I can remember.
“Married life can do that.” He winks. “How’s Haley?”
I do my best to hide the sadness washing over me at the mere mention of her name.
This is why I need to get out of this place. Go somewhere bigger. Where no one knows who I am and my history. Have the fresh start I’ve needed for years. Where my mistakes can no longer haunt me.
“She’s busy, too,” I reply as I insert my card into the reader on the counter. I don’t know what else to say. I haven’t seen Haley in over a week now. Anytime I’ve needed to grab something from the house, I made sure to sneak in when I knew she wouldn’t be around.
Jude’s right. I am a fucking coward.
I spent a year in prison surrounded by men who committed far worse crimes than me. Yet I’m more petrified of a petite redhead and her daughter than I ever was of any of those men.
“Just be sure you make time for each other,” Mitch advises. “Work will always be there. Time… Well, that you can’t get back.”
I take the bag he hands me. I know more than most how fleeting time is.
“Thanks, Mr. Howard.”
“Sure thing, Beckham.”
I turn and head out of the hardware store, the downtown area busy with a mixture of locals and tourists soaking up yet another beautiful spring day. The sky is a brilliant shade of blue, dotted with a few fluffy white clouds.
It’s the kind of day that I would have taken Maggie to get ice cream after picking her up from preschool. The thought brings a sharp pang to my chest.
Even though she’s not mine, I loved our afternoons together while Haley made a cake delivery. Loved spoiling her with ice cream. Loved watching her play. Loved hearing her giggles fill my otherwise empty world.
“Maggie, watch where you’re going, sweetie.”
At the sound of the familiar voice, I’m ripped out of my memories. I suck in a deep breath when I see Haley and Maggie come out of the ice cream store, Maggie’s sweet face already covered in chocolate.
The instant the little girl sees me, her eyes light up. “Beck!”
Not even caring that she’s holding an oversized ice cream cone, she rushes toward me. Instinct takes over, and I crouch down to her level, deftly grabbing the ice cream from her hands before wrapping my arms around her. I close my eyes, basking in her unwavering affection.
“I’ve missed you,” she says softly against my t-shirt.
I don’t even care that it’s probably stained with chocolate.
“I’ve missed you, too.” I brush a kiss to her head.
“Then why don’t you come home?”
I pull back and meet her gaze, unsure of what to say.
“Sweetie, we’ve talked about this.” Haley touches a hand to Maggie’s shoulder, and I drop my hold on her, pulling myself to my full height. “Beck and me, we’re not together anymore.”
She’s not telling her anything new. But hearing it out loud still stings.
“I found a new place to live, so we’ll be out of your house by the end of the month,” Haley states, her expression even and devoid of emotion. “Figured that would help with the physical separation requirement.”
I hand Maggie her ice cream, then step toward Haley. “You don’t have to rush anything.”
“I’d rather not stay in that house.” Her voice rises in pitch, and she glances at the sky, unshed tears glistening in her eyes.
It would be so easy to beg her to stay. Tell her I was an idiot. That it killed me to push her away. That I did it for her own good.
But I don’t.
Because like Jude said… I’m a fucking coward.
“Understood. I’ll let you get on with your day.”
I continue down the sidewalk, each step I take away from Haley and Maggie requiring immense effort. Like some force is trying to keep me here. With them.
“Beck! Wait!”
When I hear Maggie call out to me, I stop and face her, watching as she trades her ice cream for her favorite stuffed animal, an elephant named Fred.
“What is it, pipsqueak?”
“Mommy said you’re scared, and that’s why you’re not living with us right now.”
“She did, did she?” I steal a glance at Haley before refocusing my attention on Maggie, her gray eyes filled with sadness and innocence.
“Do you know what helps me when I’m scared?”
“What’s that?” I manage to say through the lump in my throat.
“Fred.” She looks down at the weathered stuffed animal, its color faded and trunk wrapped in bandages from when Maggie played doctor and he was one of her unfortunate patients. Then she extends him toward me. “I want you to have him. Not for keeps, but for borrows.”
“I don’t want to take your stuffy.”
“Can you at least try, Beck?” Her expression falls as she looks at her feet. “I don’t like hearing Mommy cry.”
I dart my eyes toward Haley again, a single tear sliding down her cheek.
“Please?” Maggie begs.
Pushing out a long sigh, I take Fred from her. “Okay. I’ll try.”