Chapter Eleven
Cedar
My heart hammered against my ribs, and I couldn’t ignore the warmth radiating from his body. It was as though the rest of the world had fallen away—until Nelly’s voice pulled us back to reality.
One moment, everything about Flynn’s nearness felt safe and charged; the next, I was blinking under the harsh fluorescent lights, scrambling to mask my disappointment.
“Sorry to interrupt, sir,” she said, her voice hesitant. “Something urgent just came up.”
Flynn’s gaze lingered on me, torn between following Nelly or staying by my side.
“Give me a minute, Nelly,” he finally said, his tone firm.
I placed a gentle hand on Flynn’s arm. “It’s okay. Go ahead and sort this out. I’ll be fine.”
In truth, I wasn’t so sure I’d be “fine.” My nerves were still singing from the almost-kiss, and I kind of wanted him to stay and just… finish what we’d started. But I wasn’t about to admit that out loud, so I folded my arms and tried to look calm.
But Flynn’s expression turned resolute, his eyes never leaving mine. “Whatever it is, Nelly, it can wait. If it’s that serious, email it to me, or leave it on my desk for tomorrow.”
Nelly opened her mouth as though to protest, but closed it just as quickly. She nodded. “Yes, sir.”
As Nelly retreated, the tension between Flynn and me became palpable. The almost-kiss hung in the air like an unspoken promise.
Flynn cleared his throat and glanced away. “I, uh, I guess we—”
I interrupted, my voice barely audible. “We almost—”
We both stammered at once, our words tangling in the silence. Then Flynn’s deep, rich laughter broke through, and I joined in, our giggles mingling until they filled the space. Somehow, laughing with Flynn felt like stepping onto steady ground.
Everything else in my life—Ciara’s death, the hospital, this sham engagement—loomed like a storm cloud on the horizon.
But here, in this instant of shared laughter, it was as if we had our own private island of calm.
As it subsided, Flynn’s gaze softened. “Have I told you how beautiful you are when you laugh?” he asked quietly.
Heat crept into my cheeks, but I couldn’t look away. “Only about a thousand times,” I whispered.
The air between us seemed to vibrate with unspoken emotions. Flynn’s eyes flicked to my lips, and for a moment I thought he might lean in and make the kiss happen. I steeled myself, expectant. But without another word, he offered his arm.
“Let’s get you home.”
“Good idea,” I replied, letting him help me to my feet.
We walked close together, his body’s warmth enveloping me as we stepped into the night. The breeze carried the faint scent of night-blooming jasmine, and the city lights shimmered in the distance.
I wasn’t sure if the trembling in my legs was from the long day or from the weight of everything left unspoken between us. Maybe both.
This new silence felt more like anticipation than uncertainty, like the quiet before a storm. We both knew we’d come dangerously close to crossing a line we weren’t sure we had any business approaching. We didn’t need to talk about it right away, but we couldn’t avoid it forever.
Just as we neared Flynn’s car, Heather rushed over, concern etched on her face. “Cedar, are you okay?” she asked, her voice gentle.
I smiled, touched by her worry. “I’m fine, Heather. I was just a little overwhelmed.”
Heather’s eyes narrowed. “It’s all Flynn’s fault. You shouldn’t have let this dummy, fiancé—stray too far from your side.”
It was oddly comforting, listening to Heather’s mock scolding. She and Flynn bickered like siblings who’d mastered the art of teasing, and I found myself smiling.
A part of me envied that ease—they had a bond I’d never quite had with Ciara, though we’d been close in our own way.
Her remark made me chuckle. “Well, he’s making up for it now.”
A mischievous sparkle lit Heather’s eyes. “You two are ditching the event for a date?”
A grin spread across Flynn’s face. “That sounds like a good idea.”
“Wait, wasn’t that the plan to begin with?” Heather teased.
I shook my head. “Not really. I just want to go home. It’s been a long day, and I’d like to call it a night.”
I caught the slight fall in Flynn’s expression, but I couldn’t handle any more emotional entanglements tonight.
“Oh… that’s a bummer…” Heather started, but Flynn cut her off gently.
“Heather, I think it’s best we let Cedar rest.” He slid his hand into mine, and I squeezed it lightly in gratitude.
Heather nodded, stepping back. “Goodnight, Cedar. I should get back inside.”
“Yeah. I’m sure Officer Devan is waiting for you,” Flynn teased.
Heather wrinkled her nose. “What are you talking about?”
“You and Devan are…?” I ventured, but Heather cut me off hastily, leaping into defensive mode.
“What? No, I don’t know what your boyfriend is talking about!” she insisted.
Flynn chuckled. “First, fiancé, not boyfriend. Second, come on, Heather, I’m not blind. I saw the way you smiled when he came over. I’d bet a thousand bucks you two have been talking, and something’s brewing.”
Heather’s cheeks colored. “No one is cooking anything! We only introduced ourselves.”
I jumped in, trying a gentler approach. “Maybe Heather just isn’t ready to share yet. Let’s give her some time.”
Heather groaned, sounding betrayed. “Cedar! I thought you’d be on my side.”
Flynn pressed on. “Heather, stop playing coy—”
“I’m only going to say this once more. There’s nothing between Devan and me.”
Just then, I spotted Devan heading our way and lowered my voice. “Speak of the devil…”
Heather and Flynn turned around.
Flynn’s grin widened. “Looks like your ‘nothing’ is headed over.”
Devan approached, his gaze flicking to Heather before settling on me. “Hey, Cedar. Just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay.”
I gave him a grateful smile. “I’m fine, Devan. Thanks for checking.”
Heather’s curiosity flared. “What’s going on between you and Cedar?”
It was obvious Flynn had been right—Heather had eyes for Devan, and she’d never been good at hiding her emotions. She said exactly what came to mind, without skirting around awkward topics.
Flynn couldn’t resist teasing. “Why, little sis? Would it bother you if something was going on between Cedar and Officer Devan?”
“I never implied that,” Heather snapped. “It was a simple question. You know what, it doesn’t even matter.”
Devan’s expression grew serious. “Nothing’s going on, Heather. I… uh… asked Cedar out a while back, and she said no. She’s engaged to your brother now. I’m just looking out for her.”
“That’s true,” I affirmed.
“Oh…” Heather said quietly.
Turning to Devan, Flynn seemed to soften but still spoke with a hint of amusement. “So, is Cedar the only reason you came out tonight?”
Devan hesitated, then admitted, “No. I was looking for Heather, actually.”
I already knew Devan was honest to a fault—he couldn’t lie if he tried.
“You were?” Heather asked, glancing at Flynn. For a second, she’d forgotten Flynn and me entirely.
Devan nodded, rewarded with a smile from Heather that could make a man’s heart skip a thousand beats.
Flynn’s demeanor grew a bit more serious. “Then you have my blessing. Take care of my sister’s heart; she’s fragile.”
Heather huffed, face flushing. “We’re just talking, Flynn. Mind your business.”
He chuckled. “I’m just looking out for you.”
“This conversation is ridiculous,” she muttered.
With one final glance at Devan, she stomped off, heels clicking in annoyance.
“Good luck with that one,” Flynn said with a laugh, then turned to Devan. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Cedar,” Devan added softly.
***
The next day I visited Ciara. I stepped out of my car at Nuuanu Memorial Park. I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling creeping up my spine; during the drive, I could’ve sworn a black sedan was following me. Each time I glanced in the rearview mirror, I half-expected to see headlights right behind me.
Now, the lot appeared empty, but the memory left me on edge, as though someone might still be watching from the shadows. I pulled my bag from the passenger seat and headed into the cemetery.
I was wearing a simple white sundress that Ciara had given me months ago—one she’d ordered for herself, but by the time it arrived, she’d lost so much weight that it no longer fit.
I had on strappy sandals, my hair tied in a loose bun, and no makeup. My eyes were still red from crying. I looked like I’d been through a war, and in many ways, I had.
The cemetery was quiet, with only a few visitors paying respects to their loved ones. I gave a polite nod to the caretaker, Mr. Kahale, who was tending a nearby grave.
“Aloha, Cedar,” he said gently, his gaze sympathetic. “Visiting Ciara again?”
I mustered a small smile. “Yes, I just need to tell her something.”
He returned my smile knowingly. “Looks like Ciara’s getting lots of news these days. Your parents were here a few days ago, and Flynn Jefferson came by earlier.”
A lump rose in my throat. “Mahalo, Kahale.”
I continued on, exchanging soft greetings with a few visitors until I arrived at Ciara’s gravesite. Her tombstone read Ciara McCarthy Rowan, with “Beloved sister, daughter, and friend. Forever in our hearts.” etched beneath her name.
Running my fingers over the lettering, I closed my eyes. Memories of Ciara’s bright smile, her infectious laugh, and her endless kindness flooded my mind.
A flash of her old advice came back to me—she used to tease me whenever I got attached too quickly, warning that love had a way of derailing the best-laid plans. Right now, my plans felt more derailed than ever.
Suddenly, I felt as if someone was watching me. I scanned the area but only saw a few people minding their own business. Still, the sensation of eyes on my back made my skin prickle. Trying to brush off the nagging feeling, I inhaled deeply and refocused on why I was here.
I placed a bouquet of white ma?o hau hele on Ciara’s grave. Next, I took out a small bag from my purse, retrieving a silver locket with a photo of the two of us inside, a cup of mint-flavored ice cream, and one of her favorite books. Settling beside her grave, I tucked my feet beneath me.
“Hey, Ceecee,” I murmured. “I hope your neighbors have been nice to you. I’m a little jealous of all the time they get to spend with you.” I paused, swallowing hard as tears threatened my voice. “I miss you.”
I smiled wistfully, remembering how she used to act during her chemo sessions. “You won’t believe what’s been happening at the hospital.
There’s a new patient who’s even more stubborn than you were.” I chuckled, feeling a pang of sadness. “You two would’ve gotten along perfectly.”
After another pause, I took a breath. “Mom and Dad tried to set me up with Officer Devan. Can you imagine? They insisted he was perfect for me.” I shook my head, recalling the awkward dinner. “Total disaster, Ciara. I think we both left traumatized.”
I gently arranged the locket next to the flowers, the metal catching a glint of late-afternoon sun.“Remember how you told me to always keep my heart guarded?” I whispered, my chest tightening. “I tried. But I guess love has a mind of its own.”
A small grin curved my lips. “Anyway, you probably want to know why I’m really here.” I realized how odd that sounded and winced. “No pun intended, Ciara,” I said with a quiet laugh. “I know you’re… well, gone. But talking to you like this feels normal. I hope that’s okay.”
My thoughts drifted back to Kahale’s comment. “He said Flynn was here. I wonder what he told you.” I frowned slightly, my curiosity piqued.
Gathering my courage, I exhaled slowly. “You know about the engagement, right? Flynn and I are getting married soon—for complicated reasons. Trust me, you’d probably smack some sense into me if you could. It’s a sham, but… that’s not even the real problem.”
I lowered my head, unable to meet her invisible gaze. The weight of the confession pressed on my chest like a physical burden, but I forced myself to say it out loud. “I think I’m falling in love with Flynn Jefferson.”
A rush of emotion surged through me—relief, fear, maybe even a touch of excitement. Would Ciara laugh if she were here? Would she scold me for letting a pretense turn real?
Part of me imagined her shaking her head and telling me that sometimes, when the heart speaks, we have no choice but to listen.
Another part of me felt raw and vulnerable, as if confessing out loud made it impossible to hide behind our arrangement anymore.