28. Rafe
RAFE
“I’ve been saying for years that you need to find a decent wife. Haven’t I been saying it?” Silas gives me a smarmy look and drinks his pretentious cup of coffee.
The hotel bar is quiet on a Thursday morning. There must not be any conferences going on. Outside, downtown Philly crawls like always, people moving, cars and buses grinding past. The skyline is a hedged bet against the clouds. I drum my fingers impatiently.
“Can we skip the part where you take credit for all my good decisions?” I ask, annoyed.
“No, I don’t think so.” Silas checks his phone and places it face down. “Seriously, she’s a good one. When all this shit’s cleared up, you’re going to keep her, right?”
“She’s not a stray dog I took in.” He arches a brow. “Yes, fine, I plan on staying married to her.”
“Good. That’s good. It’ll make the Capos happy, at least.”
“Please. Half of them won’t care. And the other half is getting retired soon enough.”
“I think you’re wrong about that.” He speaks quietly and thoughtfully.
“In our modern world, people tend to think in terms of dollars. If it’s not money, what’s the point?
But there’s power in family. Children are continuity and the future.
Wives are stability. It shows you’re a serious man.
Even the people who say they don’t care do when it comes down to it.
Look at us. Mom and Dad sure as hell would’ve agreed. ”
I grunt despite myself. “Six kids. Can you imagine?”
“Back then it seemed so normal, but no, I really can’t.”
“One’s hard enough.”
“At least Hattie seems like a solid girl. You should be proud.”
“That’s all because of June.”
Silas asks for more hot coffee. “I’ll get the Capos on board and start getting a feel for how they’ll vote. I’m partially with Kellan though. I worry it’ll backfire.”
“We need to know how deep the rot goes.”
“I’ll find out, one way or the other.”
“Just don’t kill anybody.”
He climbs to his feet and knocks his knuckles on the chair. “I kill one lieutenant by accident and that’s all you ever talk about.”
“You strangled him for looking at your date sideways.”
“What? It was rude!”
“You didn’t even like the girl.”
“And your point?”
We banter together as we leave the hotel.
It’s past eleven in the morning. Silas will start making housecalls soon.
I’ll hit the phones once I’m back in Jersey.
I’m already thinking about June, her mouth on mine, holding her in bed, sitting with Hattie in front of the TV or watching my little girl make pony drawings?—
“The fuck is that?”
It’s the tone in his voice. The uncertain fear.
I jerk sideways as a gun goes off.
Silas saved my life. The bullet would’ve hit me in the face. Instead, it pings off a sign behind my head as the masked man adjusts his aim.
“Mother—“
I don’t even get to finish the curse. The bullet takes me right in the chest. It’s like an elephant charging. I grunt, falling to a knee.
Silas throws his to-go coffee cup at the masked shooter. It hits and the lid bursts off. The shooter screams, stumbling, and fires wildly. Nearby people are shouting now, freaking out, but I can barely keep it together.
My brother leaps on the attacker, a knife in his hand, a three-inch blade. Hardly more than a pocket protector. But he jabs it into him with precision. Neck, chest, groin, slicing arteries. Blood flows in thick rivers.
“Rafe!” He rushes to my side and grabs my arm. “Fuck, are you hit?”
“The bastard—got my—“ I take a deep breath and rip open my shirt to show my vest. “God, that fucking hurts.”
“Thank Christ you’re still a paranoid bastard.” Silas helps me to my feet. Getting shot in ceramic isn’t deadly, but it sure as fuck still hurts. “Come on, we have to go.”
“Who? I need to know who.”
“Hired hand. I don’t recognize him.” Silas kicks the body. The mask was shoved up. It’s a white guy, young, long nose. A face I’ve never seen before. “Come on, damn it. You get in the car. I’ll call Theodora.”
“It’s always the lawyers,” I say wearily, stumbling down the block. “I swear they’re worse than the murderers.”
June holds an icepack against my chest. “How many more times?” she asks quietly. “Seriously, Rafe, how many more times are you going to come home like this?”
“Three. Maybe four.”
“I’m not in the mood for jokes.”
“I know, baby.” I twist to look at her. We’re in our room sitting on the edge of the bed. My clothes are on the floor. She’s in workout gear and Hattie is with Priya. “Will you believe me if I said it’ll be okay?”
“You almost died, so no.”
“Silas liked your idea. Which means this will all be over soon.”
“You’re not going to distract me.”
I tug her close and kiss her. “This is the deal we make. I put myself in danger so that others don’t have to.”
“They’re trying to kill you over this stupid merger. Can’t you let it go?”
“No, baby. If it’s worth shooting me for, it’s worth following through.” I gently disentangle myself from her and get clean clothes.
“You should be resting.”
“Come with me.”
“Rafe—“
“Humor me. When I’m done, we’ll sit out back and you can admonish me all you want.”
She tosses the icepack aside. “Fine. Let it swell. I don’t even care.”
“There you go, that’s my girl.” I take her arm and lean into her as we walk back through the house.
A clarity hits me. It’s strange, almost dying. So much of our time is spent worrying about possible futures, possible failures, but when the ultimate end is staring right at you, the important stuff shines through.
Like Hattie. And June.
They’re all I could think of when that bullet hit me.
I lead June out back and into the garden. She protests a few times but I keep going toward the trees where some more wild bushes are growing. I stop at one of them, reaching out to lightly touch a thorn.
“Are those roses?” June asks, sounding surprised.
“They are. Pretty, right?” I lean forward and smell one. “I haven’t come here in a while.”
June’s quiet a moment. “It looks different. Most of the woods areas are pretty wild, but this?—“
“It’s usually cleared. I’ve been a little lax in my duties. I hope she’ll forgive me.”
“She?”
“My sister.”
I brush my fingers down a blossom. It’s the end of the season and it won’t last much longer. Beauty comes, it fades, and it falls apart. But the nice thing about plants is they grow back. The cycle continues, stretching long into the distance.
“Her name was Leanna. She looked so much like Hattie it would take your breath away.” I don’t look at June as I talk.
It’s hard, speaking of my baby sister at all, but it’s important.
I want her to know this part of me. “She was young when the fire took her. Much, much too young. I think that’s why she didn’t make it out.
The smoke was heavy and her little body couldn’t handle it.
Sometimes I wake sweating and crying with the vague hint of terrible dreams. Leanna begging for my help.
Leanna whispering how much burning hurts. That sort of thing.”
“Oh, Rafe, I’m so sorry.” Tears fill her eyes. “It’s awful, what happened. Is she… buried here…?”
I shake my head. “No, she’s with my parents in a graveyard in the city.
But this was her bush.” I touch my thumb to a vine.
“She was odd for a little kid. I always loved that about her. Unapologetic. She liked the thorns. She said the roses are super pretty but she liked that they could cut you too. That was Leanna. Always adorable and ruthless.”
“She sounds amazing. Like Hattie.”
“This bush was Leanna’s. I had it dug out a few days after the fire. Wasn’t easy taking care of it, but I’ve worked my ass off to keep it alive in her memory.”
“That’s amazing, honestly.”
“I don’t have much left of her except for memories and these flowers. But I wanted you to see them so you understand how important family is to me.”
“I know that. I’ve heard what you did with your brothers. You raised them, didn’t you?”
“I tried my best. I was never their father though. We were all wounded and ruined kids. Fucked up at best. Monsters most of the time. But we survived.”
“And here you are.” She stands on her toes to kiss me. “Thank you for showing me this.”
“I love you, June. That’s what I brought you out here to say. I’ve known for a long time how I feel, but love doesn’t come easy to a man like me. Love has always felt like a chain. Or worse, like a rope around your neck. But it doesn’t have to be, does it?”
“Not at all,” she whispers. Tears roll down her cheeks. “I love you too, you know. I didn’t know I would. I thought I’d always despise you… but that’s not what happened. It scares me, letting you in.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“But you almost did.” She touches my chest, tears falling faster. “What would Hattie do if we lost you? What would I do?”
“My brothers?—“
“Aren’t you.” She kisses me again and this isn’t how I thought this would go. “I love you, Rafe, and that’s what scares me the most. That I could love you and risk so much.”
“June—“
“It’s okay. It really is. I’m so happy you showed me this, and I’m so sorry about what happened to your family and your little sister. I wish I could take that hurt away. I would if I could. But all I can do is say I’m here now and so is Hattie, and we don’t plan on going anywhere else.”
I hold her tight. I wish I felt more settled, but what more could I have asked for? She’s afraid and I can’t blame her, not after everything.
But I know for certain now. Like back when I first swore I’d give my life for my brothers, I have purpose, and it’s bigger than me. It’s darker and stronger. There’s Hattie now, and June, and I can’t only win for myself.
It has to be them too. It has to be for them.