33. June
JUNE
Light streams down through a small tree. Vines on the back wall flutter in the breeze. Hattie laughs, running in circles as Priya pretends to chase her.
I stretch my back, my shoulders getting tired from being tense all the time.
Byron’s dead. I wanted to go to the funeral but Rafe wouldn’t let me. I understood but it still hurt. Rafe swore he’d take care of Byron’s family and would always honor his name, since he was the only one who tried to save me.
Hattie’s been having bad dreams. I sleep in her bed most nights now.
I miss Rafe’s warmth, his arms around my body, but we both know Hattie comes first. In the morning, when she wakes with tears streaking her face, she always asks why I seem upset.
When I try to explain about her dreams and her thrashing, she looks confused, like she has no idea what I’m talking about.
I hate what this has done to her.
Rafe does too. I can see how heavy it hangs in his chest.
Knowing we might’ve scarred our daughter.
At least Priya stuck with it. She’s full-time now and doing what she can to work through Hattie’s trauma.
There are fewer guards here at the townhouse.
I don’t know how I feel about that. Since it’s smaller, Rafe says it’s slightly easier to defend.
I still shy away from the men when they’re around, and Rafe makes sure to order them to be as unintrusive as possible.
The guards are polite, but I don’t know what will make me trust them again.
I’m not sure anything will.
“I had a feeling about that fucker,” Marnie says over the phone a few hours later. Priya’s giving Hattie math lessons in the basement while I sit in the kitchen. “Nunzio was so fucking creepy, we should’ve known from the start.”
“Rafe put his faith in him.”
“Yeah, and maybe your husband doesn’t have the best taste in people.”
“He married me, remember?”
“Broken clocks are right twice a day.”
“Marnie.”
“Okay, okay, I’m just pissed, that’s all. This place is so boring without you guys. At least Birdie came back to work. And the physical therapist…”
“What about him?”
“The guy’s hot as hell. I don’t mind when he tries to stretch me out. Honestly, I wish he’d stretch more than my muscles…”
“Marnie!”
I feel unmoored as the days crawl past. It’s like I’m slipping down a vast ravine, tumbling over and over, but I don’t seem to be going anywhere. I should be falling—I should be hurting—and instead I’m only trapped.
Rafe makes it feel better. When he’s around my shoulders can ease and my jaw unclenches. I feel safe, but only when he’s in the house.
Which is less often right now.
About a week after Nunzio’s attack, I come downstairs to find Rafe in the kitchen with Hattie.
I pause, quietly watching, as my massive, tattooed, scarred, terrifying husband whistles and cooks her pancakes.
She keeps asking him questions about which ponies he likes best, which unicorns would win in a fight, and he dutifully answers.
He’s always wrong, but he never loses patience.
It’s perfection. For a brief moment, I can forget the pain we’ve gone through lately.
Rafe even laughs like Hattie does. Her head bobs side to side when she cackles, and Rafe does that too. They have so many matching mannerisms and it shocks me, how alike they are. How much they seem to love being around each other.
This is what I’ve always wanted.
Hattie’s happy. Her father’s here and taking care of her. Even back before Rafe came storming into our life again, I had daydreams about this. What it might be like if things had been different.
If we’d been married.
Now I’m the monster’s wife, and that’s not even the worst part.
“Are you going to stand there and stare at us all morning?” Rafe says it casually without looking in my direction.
But I grin sheepishly. Hattie waves at me. “Hi, Mommy.”
“Good morning, bug.” I walk over and kiss her hair. “What’s Rafey making today?”
“Banana pancakes.”
“You like those now?”
She makes a face. “Only because he made them.”
God, if my heart could swell, it sure as hell would.
“Good morning to you too,” I say, going over to kiss my big husband on his neck. “How’d you sleep?”
“Bad and never enough.” He tugs me against his side and bends down to kiss my ear. “How about her?”
I glance over my shoulder. “Better last night, but still not great.”
He nods grimly. “We’ll deal with it.”
“I know. We will.”
He pauses to kiss me. His taste is comfort with a sharp side of excitement.
We sit and eat as a family. I drink coffee and watch them joke and laugh with each other. They tend to gang up on me when they’re together but I don’t mind one bit. Hattie hugs me when she’s done eating and asks if she can go find Priya.
“Shouldn’t we give her a break?”
“Nope!” Hattie rushes off to the basement where Priya’s been staying in a guest suite.
“It’s fine, let her go.” Rafe absently puts his hand over mine. “Priya doesn’t mind. Besides, I told her I’d give her a thousand dollars every time Hattie bothered her outside of work hours.”
“Wow, she’s going to be rich by the end of this.”
“And you wonder why she took the job?” His fingers stroke the back of my hand. “I missed you last night.”
“I missed you too. I’d come back to bed, but?—“
“No. You’re needed with her. I can wait.” His eyes are serious and deep. “I can wait as long as she needs.”
Fuck. This man.
Something in me finally thaws. I didn’t know it was there. I hadn’t noticed until now that I’d been holding back. But his words, his gaze, his touch?—
It crumbles the last of my defenses.
“I love you, Rafe. You’re a good father to her.”
He seems surprised, but also delighted. “I don’t feel like I’m that good.”
“You are though. You’re doing your best. And I love you for it.”
“Do you love me for anything else?”
I laugh despite myself. “A few things.”
“Like what?”
“If you want to turn this dirty, you’re going to ruin it.”
“Me? Dirty? Never.” He leans down to kiss my lips. “I love you too, by the way.”
“You didn’t have to say it.”
“I know, but I like to. It’s been hard lately. With everything going on?—“
“What is going on, exactly?” I know I shouldn’t ask him about this side of his life. He tries to keep a wall between Rafe-the-crime-lord and Rafe-the-husband, but the two bleed through to each other.
And besides, I nearly got killed the other day.
His expression hardens and I think he’s going to change the subject, but he blows out air instead. “With Nunzio dead, Denning’s much more willing to move forward with the merger. Nunzio was the one threatening him and scaring him off.”
“What about the guards?”
“Any of the men working that day were demoted. I don’t think they were involved. Nunzio ordered them to take an early lunch, and none realized they’d be leaving the place unmonitored. They were following orders like they’re supposed to.”
“That seems like we’re in good shape now though, right? If you got the traitor?”
He lifts his coffee and sips it, glaring at the table.
“Ignazio’s still alive and I don’t think his influence is entirely gone.
The other Capos are afraid now that Nunzio’s dead and none of them are speaking out, but that doesn’t mean they don’t agree with Ignazio’s viewpoint.
Unless I can completely root them out, there will be problems again in the future. ”
“What are you going to do?”
He shifts slightly and touches my wrist. “I’m going to handle it.”
“Rafe—“
“It isn’t your problem to worry about. You have Hattie to watch over. You have the house to deal with. One day soon, when this is all over, you can go back to work with Beth?—“
“About that.” I clear my throat and take his hand between mine. I lift his fingers to my lips and kiss the letters on his knuckles. A. S. H. E. S. “Have you thought more about my suggestion?”
“The vote.” He purrs as I keep kissing his hand. “Careful. You’re going to distract me.”
“Yes, the vote, and you’re too easily distracted then.” I nibble his thumb. “I was thinking. What if me and Beth helped?”
“I don’t see how.”
“Well, you need the vote to look legitimate, right? And it will be, basically, even though you know how it’ll go before everyone shows up.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“Then let me and Beth plan it. I’ll use the same venue where we got married?—“
“Absolutely not.”
“Rafe—“
“You’ve been in too much trouble already. I won’t put you in that position again.”
“Rafe!” I bite his index finger. He grunts, glaring at me. “I won’t be in the room, okay? I’ll only plan it. Make it look real. Whatever else you do will be your business. I’ll take care of the catering, the logistics, that stuff.”
He studies me for a long moment. I watch him in return. Something shifted inside me back when Nunzio took me. Back when I watched Byron get killed.
There’s still fear. Mostly for Hattie.
But I want to hurt the men who hurt my friends even more than I’m terrified of them.
“How far are you willing to go, love?” he asks quietly, voice a velvet whisper. He grabs my wrist suddenly and tugs me toward him.
His lips find mine. I return his feverish, hungry kiss.
“As far as it takes.”
“Are you sure?”
“I can’t live in fear my whole life, Rafe. I need to do something to take back control.”
He presses his forehead to mine. “Alright, love. I understand that better than you’ll ever know.”