26. Carina
CARINA
Maksim was a strong man, both in mind and body. He was a fighter, a killer, and a protector. Yesterday, he showed me how he was all three of those at once, unafraid to risk himself and put all his efforts into slaying any threat.
Although I recognized how tough he was, I assumed when we went to bed that he would take it easy for one day.
Maybe half of one.
Or at least a morning.
Recovery was mandated after injuries. While he was a stubborn man who wanted to solve problems and address challenges head-on, I truly thought that he’d be in bed with me when I woke up the day after that failed last-minute smuggling request that had been concocted as a way to test my brother’s intentions.
I rolled over, finding the other side of the bed empty.
I put my hand out and found the sheets cool, too.
He must have gotten up earlier than usual.
I smirked.
So much for him taking it easy.
As I lay back and stared at the ceiling, yawning while the last threads of sleep vanished from my mind, I reminded myself why he likely wouldn’t have wanted to sleep in at all.
No wonder he got up so early.
He had to have been eager to question that man we’d captured.
I felt confident in claiming that as we, not they.
I’d been there on the run. I had been included in that crash and the fight that followed it.
And it felt so good not to be on the sidelines.
Participating in the action was what my father had ultimately trained me for.
Now, though, as I lay in bed alone and knew that my husband had to be off questioning and perhaps torturing that man for answers, I felt left out.
Oh, be real.
Maksim wouldn’t have let me down in any dungeon or holding cell. I couldn’t wait to tag along literally everywhere. That just wasn’t realistic. Not being included in this part of the operation wasn’t an action of Maksim excluding me, though. I was included. He called me his strategist.
I do have a place here.
Thinking back to my lunch with Elena, I realized that this Bratva would never cease to surprise me. The Volkovs had yet to treat me like I was dainty little thing, something to look pretty and be fucked when the mood struck.
I was valued and respected and sought after for my skills and intelligence.
Men listened to me about the plans and warnings I could point out about smuggling routes and placements of federal surveillance.
The soldiers were coming to rely on me to instantly know the topography and navigational details of a region.
As I sat up slowly and felt like I was dealing with a recurring bout of reflux and indigestion, I wondered how long it had taken Elena to grasp the fact that she held a specific role in the organization.
How did she come to the acceptance that she wasn’t just Adrik’s wife and broodmare, but a trusted financial investigator and accountant?
“Ugh.” I rubbed my stomach and winced.
What if… I’m not just Maksim’s wife or smuggling strategist?
There was only so long that I could reasonably avoid the fact that I hadn’t had my period yet.
And there was only so much stretch to my imagination for reason it would be almost a week and a half late—an oddity that never happened.
If I weren’t so regular, my late cycle wouldn’t be anything worth stressing about.
And if I weren’t so addicted to making love with my husband so often, with zero protection, the unknown of a pregnancy wouldn’t even be on my radar.
“I can’t be.” I frowned as I stared at the blankets covering me. “Can I?”
Yesterday, when I realized it was the third time this week that I’d woken up kind of queasy, I kept the thought and worry in the back of my mind.
However, when we were pushed off the road and I’d been a passenger in the car that had rolled over, it was impossible to dismiss the chance that I could be pregnant.
I got out of bed in a hurry, too bothered and uneasy to sit there and be idle, to let my mind race and wonder.
If I was carrying a child, I had to know.
I had to do all I could to protect this precious life, but in accepting that role, it would change who I was, too.
And I had already endured so many shifts to who I was supposed to be.
I was no longer Miguel Garcia’s strong daughter who could pull her own weight on smuggling runs.
I was also Maksim Volkov’s wife. I would no longer be able to be looked upon as the smuggling runs expert in the Bratva.
I would also be the pregnant woman who had to be sheltered and protected, told to relax and not exert myself.
No. That doesn’t have to be true.
I didn’t want to believe that being pregnant would be a weakness.
As I got dressed and hurried to leave this room, I couldn’t escape the terror that my value would be challenged.
That I’d only be seen as a thing, as a broodmare like I had viewed Elena as when I arrived.
I didn’t want to only be a woman expected to bear a child—no matter how excited I would be about that prospect.
I wanted to still be treated as an equal and partner and a real contribution to the Bratva.
If I were cut from the chance to be in on important decisions and lead the smugglers, I’d feel like I was stripped of my purpose.
Stuck in my head and wishing that I was worrying for nothing, I drove over to speak with Elena. Even if she wasn’t pregnant already, she was the only other woman here whom I could talk to about this. On the ride there, I respected how that novel idea was a blessing.
I had a sister-in-law. I had a friend. All my life, I’d struggled to have a support system of my own, and now with this meek and quiet accountant, I had someone to lean on with specific worries like pregnancy.
The urgency to be with Maksim while he interrogated that man faded.
The desire to check on his injuries and make sure he was healing fell to the backburner.
A pressing need to know if I was pregnant took over all my other worries at the moment. So when I parked and rushed inside to find Elena in her favorite spot on the shaded patio, I exhaled a huge sigh of relief.
“Did you hear?” she asked as a greeting, sitting upright when she spotted me. She slid her laptop aside and lowered her sunglasses.
I shook my head. “I overslept this morning. What should I have heard?”
This didn’t feel like gossip, like the young women who lounged around the pool at the Cartel villa, the girlfriends and wives who liked having it made.
This felt like intel, and I had to reshape my lingering first impressions about Elena. She was well-versed about the Bratva affairs. If not for her, this entire investigation into Gregori’s network never would have become what it was.
“He mentioned Yusef Antonov.” She pursed her lips and shook her head. “He’s the man Adrik suspects is Gregori’s lieutenant.”
I sat and blinked, taken aback. “Who mentioned him?”
She furrowed her brow, as if confused about why I wasn’t keeping up.
“Oh, the man we captured yesterday?”
She nodded. “I’m… surprised you would’ve forgotten about that.” She added a light chuckle.
I slumped forward to rest my elbow on the table and set my face in my hand. My hair fell forward, but I wasn’t trying to hide from her. “I’m distracted.”
Her frown was sympathetic. “I can see that. Can I help?” She smiled quickly, as if the chance to be helpful would please her.
“You’re the only one who probably can,” I admitted.
After a quick glance around to make sure the guards weren’t within earshot, I cleared my throat and felt a smidgen of guilt that I was being this secretive.
“I know we’re not really that close, and neither of us seems to get the whole concept of what counts as normal girl talk. ”
She huffed a little laugh. “Not when we just end up talking about business most of the time.”
“Yeah. That. But um, I’m hoping you’ll be a good sounding board for my concerns. Especially since you’re…” I cringed and weakly gestured at her adorable baby bump.
She let out a tiny squeak of surprise as her eyes popped open wider.
“Shh!” I shushed her and glanced around again.
“Oh, Carina. Really?” She beamed again.
“I don’t know yet. And that’s part of why I don’t want to broadcast my suspicions or anything like that.”
She nodded sagely. “Okay. I get that. But take it from me that it really doesn’t do you any favors to try to hide it. Adrik knew right away. I’m willing to bet Maksim is just as attuned to you as Adrik is to me, too.”
“I know. But please, don’t tell anyone.”
She winced.
“Not yet.”
She sighed and nodded slightly. “Not yet,” she agreed. “Not until you know. I can’t keep secrets from Adrik, Carina. I won’t.”
I licked my lips. “I respect that.”
She asked me what made me suspicious and she listened without judging or butting in with how she first knew she was pregnant.
After talking with her for a few minutes, she assured me that she still had a test that I could use.
She led me inside the house and quickly found a pregnancy test in her bathroom.
“Please don’t tell anyone yet,” I said again after I stowed the kit in my purse.
“I won’t. Yet.” She arched a brow at me.
“And thanks for… well, for being here for me like this.”
Her smile turned sweet and tender. Holding her arms open, she beckoned me closer for a hug. “Just imagine, though. More Volkov cousins in the family.”
When I pulled back, I relaxed to smile back at her.
I was already vulnerable as it was, talking to her about this and dealing with the worries about how my identity would change if I were to become a mother now.
But if I could let myself be sappy and confess how much she was helping me, I’d be fully honest that it was a good blessing to not be so alone in this man’s world.
A violent world, one that I’d always been a part of.
It looked like I’d need to adjust my view on that now, though, if I were to bring a sweet new life into it.
“Go on. Go home and see what that says,” she urged.
“I think Maksim’s meeting with Adrik soon, and I’m sure that’ll take a while.
You’ll have some privacy to start accepting whatever that test says.
” She frowned suddenly. “Or would you rather not be alone? You can take it here and I’ll be on standby. Whatever you need.”
I hugged her again. “I’ll do this at home and report back to you.”
Home.
Maksim’s house wouldn’t feel like somewhere I was a guest any longer.
Not if I was going to be raising our child there.
A thrill for the future made my pulse race, and I hurried out of there to find out whether my suspicions were accurate.