Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
YOU’RE NEVER LEAVING
Mathilda
Low-growing heather spread over the open slopes leading up Callum’s mountain, springy under my feet as I navigated the overgrown track.
Where Bristol was surrounded by green fields, the McRae Estate had an abundance of this tougher plant that would burst into colour—lilacs and purples—in a couple of months’ time.
Hardy yet with hidden beauty. It reminded me of a certain laird I knew.
Ahead, farther up the slope, the twins disappeared into the tree line, their loud conversation easy to track. Callum and I followed hand in hand through the warm spring day.
I’d asked for a hike to see the land, and Callum had delivered.
We drove to a wide glen then climbed the slopes into the foothills of the mountain.
A wild and romantic place, deer herds thundering away at our approach, birds of prey soaring overhead.
Perhaps being alone would’ve been better, but I enjoyed the company of the two boys and wanted to get to know them, too.
They were such a big part of Callum’s life it made them a package deal.
Though sixteen, his youngest brothers stood two inches taller than me but lean in the way of thoroughbred colts.
Nothing of the muscle bulk their older brothers carried.
Ally was also as enthusiastic as a puppy.
Where his twin seemed more in Gordain’s image, quieter and stoic, Ally came across as impulsive and a little wild.
More like his oldest brother in being led by his heart.
There was something about him I couldn’t put my finger on. A vulnerability. Maybe in the way his brothers seemed overprotective of him. Even Wasp who was identical in almost every way.
My repressed maternal instinct stirred.
“Come on!” came a shout from the trees, and I pressed on, supported by Callum, clambering uphill through the copse of spiny trees. We weren’t even close to the top of the mountain but, as I emerged onto a plateau and looked back, the view took my breath away.
The McRae estate sprawled for miles. Open, rich with life, and glorious.
Callum strode over to stand on a ledge. Whoa.
With his back to me and the castle and loch beyond, he stole my attention.
No sight in the world could compete with the picture of my massive, powerful Highlander overseeing his land, heavy boots on the rocks where generations of lairds before him would’ve surveyed their property.
It wouldn’t have surprised me if a kilted battalion marched over and reported to him for duty. His troops, awaiting his orders, off to fight some battle.
“Stunning,” I mumbled at the sight.
“It’s not bad.” Ally scampered back to join me and laid his head on my shoulder like an affectionate pup. “If we climb to the top, ye can see all the way up the river to Braithar.”
“Is that a town?”
“No. It’s another McRae castle.”
Reaching out, I tousled his silky hair. The brothers hugged one another all the time. They were a very physical family, bonding constantly with thumps to each other’s shoulders when they passed or impromptu wrestling matches.
With Ally cuddling up, it was all too easy to see how I could find a place with them.
I’d grown up in a fractured home with an imbalance of power.
Mom’s over Dad, then vice versa. Everyone McRae had a role and knew what they were doing.
All equally valued. Over dinner last night, Gordain had talked about his job in the military and his eventual plan to pilot for the local Highlands mountain rescue.
The twins had school but both worked on the estate in their free time.
I’d seen workers and locals pop by the castle with questions any of the brothers seemed able to answer, and it had made me appreciate just how much a way of life it was, living on the estate.
The community living on Callum’s fifty thousand acres was tight.
The strength to which I wanted to belong staggered me.
“The McRae’s built more than one castle?”
“Aye,” Ally replied. “Braithar is still owned by one of us. It’s our relative’s, but we’ve always thought of it as Gordain’s. He wants to own it someday. Unless you fancy the climb now, you’ll see it tonight.”
“We’re not climbing to the top.” Callum turned to face us. His lips curved as he took in his brother and me.
“Wasp!” Ally suddenly blared, and I jumped. “Get over here.”
His twin jogged over, leaping over a craggy rock. “What?”
“Get on Mattie’s other side and cosy up. Woman sandwich.” They’d heard Beth use my nickname and copied it.
Callum hadn’t followed suit, and I was glad. The way he said my name in that soft lilting accent sent tingles up my spine.
“Why?” Wasp obliged regardless, and I laughed as the two young men linked arms around me, squishing me. Ally raised his phone and took a picture, all of us with big grins.
“Would ye look at Cal’s face,” Ally said, his voice a little lower. “That smile. He’s happy.” To me, he added with a blissed-out sigh, “You’re never leaving.”
The smile dropped, and Callum’s grumpy frown returned. He gestured at the boys to go away, and they took off, chuckling. His tone with me, though, remained gentle. “I like seeing you with my brothers.”
“Where did Wasp get his nickname?” I’d worked out ‘Fitz’ for James, as it was short for his surname, but nobody called William ‘Will’ like they abbreviated the other family names. These were the little details I wanted. Small insights so I didn’t feel such an outsider.
Callum gestured for me to come to him. Like a gentleman, he slid his jacket from his shoulders and laid it on a damp rock. Then he put his arm around my waist and we sat. I leaned on his shoulder.
The fresh air had me giddy.
“I’d tell you it’s because he was a pest, but that’s not the truth. It’s for a shite reason, and I’ve told you enough miserable tales.”
“Don’t hold back. I’d like to know everything about you.”
He kissed my hair, and I sensed his pleasure in my words. A chill wind rose, and I huddled closer.
“I told you Da was violent, aye? He used to go after my brother.”
“One of the twins?”
“No, Gordain.”
I blinked, not expecting that answer.
“A story for another time, why Gordain was the target.” Callum’s hand found mine, and he linked our fingers over my stomach. “I’m only sorry I couldnae help him sooner than I did. But the twins, I could. Ally is dyslexic, did anyone mention that?”
I shook my head, a number of things making sense. The headphones Ally always wore. The text-to-speech I thought I’d heard him listen to at the breakfast table. One of Beth’s foster siblings was dyslexic, so I knew a little about the condition.
“He used to get the most shite reports from school before we realised. I’d hide them from Da and sign them off myself, but once, one somehow got into his hands.
Da went on the warpath after Alasdair, saying he’d beat sense into him.
He grabbed the wrong twin into his office as he was drunk, then whipped William with a cane.
The ‘Wasp’ nickname is from the stripes he had across his back when Gordain and I treated him later that night. ”
My blood froze and, open-mouthed, I twisted around. Callum’s expression was stoic, but his blue eyes were fathomless.
“First and last time Da hit either of the twins. That was the night he died,” he said simply, and I shivered.
I pictured the scene, trying to work out what to say. An eighteen-year-old Callum finally losing it and punching his father, breaking the man’s bones in order to protect his brothers. The boys would have been eight. So young.
“It was Wasp’s choice to use the nickname. Something about being fierce. Maybe he and Ally found comfort in creating a positive from it all. Gordain has a tattoo to represent the night. I had one, too.”
“You turned it around and created this incredible world,” I managed, hurting for the way this family had. “I wish it hadn’t been like that.”
Callum smiled now, and I loved the change.
The crinkling at his eyes and mouth, the way he glanced between my eyes and my lips like he wanted to kiss away my sadness at his story.
“Life is what you make it,” he said. “We’ve made a good home.
I’ve raised my brothers to be good men, and they have everything they need. ”
Callum had already told me his mother had died of cancer when he was six and Gordain a toddler. The resilience of the man astounded me. His size, the spread of his shoulders, held up a world. Alone.
In telling me his stories, he laid himself bare. Built up my trust so much I wanted to tell him more about myself. But the fragility of the moment scared me.
I blinked and looked away, scurrying for a subject change as I kicked at a stone with my shoe. “Does Ally get good support at his school?”
Callum huffed. “No. There’s no need for them to know.”
“They don’t know he’s dyslexic? Why not?”
“Because he’ll be judged and labelled, and it’s no one else’s business. We’ve found ways for him to cope. We help him with homework.”
This felt off. I knew Beth’s foster sister had a support worker in lessons and was permitted extra time in exams. “What about in tests? How does he manage?”
Silence for a moment, then, “Alasdair and William dinna take the same courses. If needs be, William can sit in on exams. In contrast, he can learn anything in five minutes, so it’s nae bother.”
Jesus. “You mean he cheats for Ally?”
Callum sighed. “After Da’s death, the boys were bullied.
Kids can be wee arses, and they were already targets for who and what we are.
Gordain got into a lot of fights trying to protect them, and it all became a mess.
In the end, Patricia and I moved them to a new school, and I decided not to have Ally tested so that the bullying didnae start up again.
It might not have been the best decision, but in a couple of years he’ll come and work for me full time, so it doesn’t matter. There’s no problem with my thinking.”
I bit my tongue because I didn’t agree.
A weighty silence held the air. “If you have a different opinion, tell me.”
“How does Ally feel about his condition?”
Callum shrugged. “He doesn’t talk about it. Except to Wasp when they have arrangements to make.”
“He’s ashamed?”
“I wouldnae put it like that.”
“Are you ashamed of him?” The words fell from my mouth, not sounding at all how I meant them.
“Christ, no.”
“Does he know that?” Callum had told me the family discussed everything openly, but that relied on there being an audience. Carefully, I added, “If Ally feels his brothers don’t want to talk about his dyslexia, he’ll suppress it. That isn’t healthy.”
The moment strung out, and Callum tightened his arm around me.
We’d been speaking to the open air, but a pang of guilt tripped me, and I glanced back at his face.
How could an eighteen-year-old make all good decisions?
And who the heck was I to judge him? The boys weren’t mine, and it scared me to even think that they could be part of my life.
“I’m sorry, I spoke out of turn. It’s none of my business. ”
“Aye, maybe not, but I told you all the same, so you have a right to reply. Now I want to say I’m sorry because you’ve tensed up like I’m about to lose it. I dinna want you to be afraid of being honest with me. Actually, I’m thinking about what you said.”
My shoulders sagged, but the strange state I’d got myself into persisted. Trusting someone was hard, but I’d pushed my opinion far past being diplomatic…and had been heard.
“What is it you need? What are you looking for in a girlfriend?” I straightened the sleeve of my light sweater then entwined my fingers. “Not the laird of all these people, the mentor, or the oldest brother. Just Callum.”
“I need someone of my own. For me.”
“But you aren’t available. Whoever comes to you becomes part of a family. Of an estate as well. How do they fit in?” I was pushing and I wasn’t sure why.
He frowned and pressed his lips together, maybe trying to stop certain words escaping. “You come to me as mine. I can’t move house, but you can, and you bring a career with you. It’s a perfect fit. Family…is more, aye? A different conversation for another time.”
The fragile moment and Callum’s openness pulled at my soul. He’d gone through hell and high water to safeguard all he loved, and the walls around that were steep. Sharing that meant letting go of some of his controls, and it made sense why he was holding back about his family.
He watched me, determination in his eyes, like he was testing me. “What’s your plan? You want your girl, aye? How are we going to get her?”
I’d been prepared to enter a sham marriage for Scarlet, but that was so far from my radar now, I couldn’t believe I’d considered it an option. “I’m going to find a way to talk to my dad.”
“We’ll go together and present a united front. Demand he release her into your care. Tell him how he’s messing her up.”
Shifting, I drew up my knees and hugged them. “Mom begged me not to. Last time I did, Dad became difficult for weeks. He’s not aggressive but he does have problems and he can be hard to live with. Mom’s already vacant half the time.”
I took a deep breath, not wanting to paint Dad in a bad light. “It would hurt him, and when he’s hurt he feels challenged and overreacts.”
Then I went all in. “Dad never knew his parents. He was an orphan, found in a group of migrants when he was a small boy. He doesn’t even know his own birthday.
Dad has no ties to anyone but us. Not one.
I don’t want you to judge him. He’s so fiercely loyal but he’s got demons, and letting Scarlet go means acknowledging what Mom did… ”
I trailed off.
“He chose his own name, Callum. No one knew his. For a man like you, whose name and history is everything, try to imagine what that was like for Dad.”
Callum blew out a breath. “And you mean to tackle it gently. What if it doesn’t work? The direct approach breaks the bad situation enough that it can’t go on.”
I tried to picture challenging Dad directly, and my stomach shrank to a cold, hard ball. I couldn’t answer.
“The last thing I want,” Callum stood and pulled me with him, “is for you or your sister to suffer more. But your parents made their own decisions, and they can deal with the fallout. Either way, I’m here. I want you to let me help.”
He dipped his head and laid a gentle kiss on my cheek, bringing a roar of mock-horror from the returning twins.
The morning had left me confused. Callum’s world was almost all so perfect. But I wasn’t sure he could help in the way I’d hoped. Callum’s bullheaded, bone-breaking approach directly opposed what I knew my family needed.
In a decisive move, I changed the subject to new territory. Not about the unique, happy appeal of Callum’s family group, or my own family plans where his idea couldn’t work, but one where I at least had a head start.
“Let’s talk through the wedding venue proposal.”
Callum sighed and directed me back down the mountain. “Aye, lass. We’ll do that.”