Chapter 25 #2
With a nice screech of tyres, I pulled a one-eighty in front of the horn-tooting driver, tipped her a wink, and burned rubber.
The long road north took us away from the rolling green hills and craggy edges of the Peak District and into the industrial outskirts of Manchester.
Navigating the ring roads and busy junctions demanded my full attention so, the next time I took a peek at James, he stared out of the window.
No distraction, no conversation offered.
I knew my being behind the wheel alarmed him.
I asked if he wanted to talk, and he said, “Not yet.” He muttered something about taking it in turns to drive, but I told him to trust me and to rest his head.
He complied. Good. I wanted him to relax.
The satnav told me we’d be on the road for a long time—seven hours, at least—so I settled in for the long haul.
Lorries menaced us, their rumble vibrating up my jigging leg, and I wove across the lanes to overtake them.
Overhead, the sky darkened and the temperature dropped.
I eyed the ominous gloom then found the controls for the heat and the Jeep’s lights.
We were cocooned in a private, cosy space.
The rhythmic sounds of the road served, maybe, to soothe us both.
In all the fear and hustle of getting James away, only now did it truly occurred to me what had happened, beyond the physical.
Why he was silent, protecting himself by blocking out the world.
James had rejected his uncle. He’d refused the man and had been about to walk away.
He’d given up the relationship. Maybe even his inheritance.
All, or at least partly, because of me.
The solid car devoured the miles and, past Preston, I took the M6 and opened up the engine, speed in my veins and under our wheels. Flying away. The countryside alternated from urban outskirts to flat expanses to rolling patchwork valleys.
Rugged hills lined our route where a sign told me we were between the Lake District and the Yorkshire Dales. One hundred miles done. Stupendous views either side. Still, we barely spoke.
Then the growing storm broke, making the day look like dusk. Fat splodges of rain hit the windshield, and I flipped the wipers on fast.
In minutes, a deluge commenced. Rain drummed on the roof, and red light trails lengthened from the cars ahead, reflecting on the wet road surface and lighting up the exhaust smoke.
Thunder rolled, and bolts of lightning shot across the sky.
James stirred, stretching out his legs. “Beth.”
Thank God. Despite him being awake, I’d gotten so lonely waiting for him to be ready to talk, and I really wanted to know what was on his mind. Maybe he regretted it. Maybe he resented me. The part of me that always anticipated rejection had grown in strength, its voice unreasonably loud.
“Hey,” I said, casting a rapid look his way before returning my attention to driving.
James shifted in his seat, settling into a position where he could watch me.
I sensed his fervent attention, his gaze taking in my movements and the road ahead, and I guessed why.
A dark sky. Heavy rain. Someone else behind the wheel of a speeding car.
He’d seemed numb outside the hospital. Now, I felt a rising energy. It came off him in waves.
“We should stop,” he said.
Traffic on the motorway had thinned, and the speed reduced because of the weather. I wanted to keep going, because moving felt good, but I instantly agreed. “There’s services coming up in a few miles. We’ll take a break. I know you want to get off the road.”
“I’d trust you to drive me in a snow storm. That wasn’t why I made my suggestion.” He leaned over and gestured at the dash. “We’re almost out of fuel.”
Shit. So we were.
I took the slip road into the services, heading straight for the fuel station.
Before we’d left Belvedere, I’d parked up behind the summerhouse and darted in to get our bags, and I was glad I’d taken the risk.
There was enough money in my account to cover the trip, and I didn’t let myself think about work. How I’d replace it.
But, at the pumps, James took my hand before I could climb out of the car.
“Don’t be daft,” he said and jumped out of his side.
I watched him move. His black hair fell into his eyes, and he pushed it away with the side of his hand, his lean body showing no sign of fatigue despite the red mark at his temple.
Illuminated by the fluorescent lights over the garage forecourt, he set about his task, and I let myself take a breath, my anxiety over any lingering effects after his fall lessening.
With the refuelling done, James waving off my attempt to pay, I drove us across the car park to the restaurant.
We ran together in the hammering rain, dove through the automatic doors, then found a booth inside the building.
I shivered and rubbed my bare arms, cold from the chill spring rain, and lifted my nose to smell baked bread and coffee. God, food. I needed some, pronto.
My stomach woke up and growled.
“You haven’t eaten today,” James said, his eyebrows raising. “Have you? You must be starving. Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
“I’ve been in escape mode. All adrenaline. I didn’t even think about it until now. You haven’t eaten either.”
James leapt up and took my order. He returned a few minutes later with hot coffee and a large pizza to share. Without pause, I crammed a slice into my mouth, dying with pleasure over how good it tasted. Melted cheese, rich tomato sauce.
I couldn’t spare a second to be embarrassed by my enthusiasm. James’s lips tweaked in amusement, but he took his own slice, and we ate in comfortable silence.
When we finished, I sipped my coffee, unsure where to start the conversation. Luckily, James chose for me.
“I don’t know what you must think of me, but I need to apologise.”
I blinked. “Why?”
“You shouldn’t have had to experience any of that this morning.
I knew the moment I walked around the corner that my uncle hadn’t listened when I told him about you.
Or if he’d listened, he certainly hadn’t understood.
He has his unshakable view of the world, and I needed to change it.
Out of respect for him, I chose privacy to call him on the root of his problems but I should never have left your side. ”
A moment passed, and James seemed to make a decision.
“My uncle was born before my grandparents married, leaving him ineligible to inherit. I found out a couple of days ago, and suddenly his obsession with duty and history made sense. All his life, he’s been brooding on his bad luck, how he’d been cheated. ”
I wrinkled my nose. “None of that gave him a reason to treat you the way he did.”
“Agreed.” James tilted his head to one side. “Aren’t you going to ask what I told him about you?”
I was dying to know but I was also scared. I gave him the smallest of nods.
“I told him I wanted to fall in love with someone I chose myself. Then, that I’d found someone.”
That word, the L word, hung between us.
I squirmed on the fake leather, not wanting to fixate on that word. Failing.
James ducked his head to chase my gaze. Reluctantly, I looked into his eyes.
“You’ve lost jobs because of me, risked everything to drive me from danger. Are you going to let me say it to you?”
“No.” But my answer was a lie said with a tiny smile. I couldn’t help myself because I wanted it, his love. The devil on my shoulder, the one who told me I was unlovable, and I didn’t deserve this man’s care, couldn’t beat the compulsion I had to hear James declare himself.
It felt wrong. Selfish.
I rubbed at the sudden pain in my chest.
“I’m in love with you.” James took my hands, and the restaurant clamour vanished. “From the moment I first saw you, you stole my breath, and today, I finally get to tell you. Falling for you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
The strong beat of a pulse at his collar fixated me, and I swallowed. I had the terrifying sense that he was about to propose. And worse, that I’d say yes.
He continued, “Don’t look so scared. I don’t expect anything in return. But I needed you to know. I’m yours, Beth. Mind, body, and soul. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
A woman in a green blouse bustled up to the table next to us. In brisk moves, she cleared the clutter left by its previous occupants, sprayed the table, then wiped it over.
James huffed a laugh, his eyes dancing with humour. “I had one chance to declare my undying love, and this is where I thought best?”
Now my mouth worked. “Undying?”
“Forever and eternal, until my last breath. And after.” He gave me an easy grin, the weight gone from his shoulders, and pulled my hand to his lips for a kiss. Then he stood, taking me with him. “Let’s go. We’ve still got hours on the road.”
We made our way back to the car, and I tried to push the words forwards in my mouth. I love you, too. I love you, too.
“Are you happy if I drive?” was all I managed to say.
“I’ve got a couple of calls to make, then we can switch, love.”
Love. If I lived to a hundred, I would never get used to him calling me that.