Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
LONG-HELD FEAR
Gordain
Callum and I exited the hangar at the helicopter school, and I jangled a set of keys in my hand. It had taken far longer than expected to carry out my task. For one, Mack loved to talk, and he proudly showed us every heli and explained the facts about the business.
He wanted me to buy the school. I wanted to buy the school. Callum wanted me home.
But would Ella want to live in Scotland?
“You’ve always been one for saving your pennies.” My brother eyed the view across a heavily wooded glen. You could see Mhic Raith, our mountain, from here. “Can ye afford it?”
I’d done the calculations. There was enough saved in my bank account for the down-payment, and I’d be able to raise the rest with a business loan.
“Aye.” I kicked a stone and waved off Mack as he drove away. “It means sacrifices, ye ken.”
Callum grunted, understanding my meaning. Buying this place meant forever giving up my dream of owning Braithar.
That was a bitter pill to swallow, and it pulled at a thread of security I’d always carried, but with Lachlan wanting to go, and me needing to do the responsible thing, running a business made greater sense.
No matter how wealthy Ella might one day be, I had a duty to her. Who knew if her uncle had another trick up his sleeve? Or some other reason why things could go wrong with her inheritance.
“Ye never know what life will bring.” My brother clapped me on the shoulder, and we strolled to his car. Something in his tone gave me pause, but he continued before I could land the vague idea.
“In the meantime, you’ll live with us. We’ll take out the gym from the tower and make more space. Anything ye need.”
“I really appreciate it. But I’m jumping the gun. I need to discuss it with Ella.”
First, Ella had to want to live with me. We’d talk about it—I wouldn’t make any decision alone. Hopefully ever again.
“Aye, I get it. I’ll see you back at the house.” Callum raised a hand and clambered his huge frame into his car. “Fly carefully.”
“Always do.” I saluted back, a painful reminder that I hadn’t made the RAF hearing, then boarded the heli.
One thing was for sure, I wanted to impress my wife like never before.
Ilanded on the beach at the side of the loch, just down the slope from Castle McRae. Mathilda’s car drew to a halt at the same second I jogged into the car park.
Ella sat in the passenger seat.
Opening her door, I lifted her out and brought her legs around my waist, carrying her back a couple of steps. “Hello, wife. Missed you.”
An amused smile took her mouth. “Hey, husband.”
I nuzzled her neck, taking in a deep breath of her unique scent. “Did you go for a drive with the bairns?”
Ella raised my chin with her finger. Her gaze held mine captive. Heat, thrilling and fierce, shot through me, lust dancing in my veins. I would never get enough of this woman. One look from her, and I was a goner.
“Later,” she said, “I have something to talk to you about. But I want to do it when we’re alone, in bed, with the door locked. Just you and me and all the time to make plans. Is that okay?”
Plans. Good. I managed a nod, and she snickered at my hazy expression.
A small wail came from the car’s back seat. A second joined it.
Mathilda opened the door her side. “They’ll be hungry. Can one of you please grab Lennox? I’ll get Skye. We better hustle. By the look of those black clouds, it’s about to rain.”
Ella slipped down my body, and we jumped to help, darting back into the castle.
One round of goodbyes, including a selfie with the twins, Ally immediately uploading his congratulations post online, and we were ready to go again.
We ran through the downpour to the heli and threw ourselves in, laughing. A quick report to air traffic control on our route and a check on the increasingly bad weather—still safe enough, I’d never risk Ella’s wellbeing—and we lifted off.
Silence claimed the first part of our journey, down country and over the Lowlands.
I concentrated on steady flying. Ella’s attention flitted, something clearly on her mind. Rain and wind buffeted the heli, the storm chasing us south, but as soon as we crossed over the border to England, we outran it, clearer skies giving me a breather.
“I’m sorry if that got intense.” I glanced at Ella who stared through the glass at the rolling green hills below. “We were safe, though. Out at sea, it can get horrible. Particularly at night.”
She shivered and reached out to take my hand. “I wasn’t afraid. But I really don’t like the thought of you flying those oversea trips.”
Yeah, maybe I wouldn’t be doing much more of that. I opened my mouth. “Can I ask you a question? An us-type question. Maybe something about how much time we spend in Scotland.”
Ella blinked and seemed to hold her breath. I took a quick look at the view then back to her.
“Not now,” she said, her voice crackling in the headphones. “All the stuff on where we live is a tonight-in-bed conversation. Deal?”
My lips twitched, sheer joy trying to beam out of my face. I loved it, the fact we were talking about us. That there was an us.
“Deal. But only if you tell me how much you love me.”
Ella gave a happy laugh. “You have no idea. A life-changing amount. The sort of big love that makes me want to give you everything.”
I held her gaze for a moment. “Yeah? I can’t wait for this chat. But I have to warn you, there’s going to be a whole lot of naked time before that.”
Her eyes widened, like the idea wasn’t a bad one.
My cock grew heavy, an ache starting in my balls.
Fuck.
“Change the subject, sweetheart, or I’m going to touchdown in a field and take you right there in the seat.”
Her lips curled at my gruff voice and my coarse words, but an intensity remained in her gaze. We were closing in on Belvedere. Minutes to go. “I have a question, but it isn’t a nice one.”
“If it stops me getting overexcited, go for it.” I had to drop her hand to flip a switch, but I grabbed it right back up again.
“In the hotel, our wedding night…”
“Ella! You’re meant to be cooling me down.”
“No condoms. We went bare.” Her cheeks flushed red. “I get that you’d never done it before.”
I winked. “You took my virginity.”
“But there was something else there. You panicked. About me getting pregnant.” She broke our contact and pressed her hands to her cheeks. “I don’t want a baby, but you seemed terrified of it.”
Ah, that.
I wanted honesty with Ella, in all things. I’d told her about the incident that had lost me my job, but I hadn’t told her the thoughts I’d had that left me cold. All linking back to a crappy childhood.
“You remember the reason I left the RAF? I had these panics for months after. That I had no idea if—” I broke off and shook my head.
“I knew there was little chance that anything had happened between me and the woman. I was almost certain of it. So I worked back to what I was really worried about. What my mind had fixated on.”
Ella’s eyebrows drew in. “You were worried about her being pregnant?”
I nodded, my throat suddenly thick. “I’d been an unwanted child. To be so irresponsible traumatised me.”
“Oh, G.” She drew a deep breath. “I met her, I think. Autumn, right? She asked me about you when we were at the base.”
“That’s her.”
“She certainly wasn’t pregnant.”
I swallowed, the long-held fear dissolving. “Good to know. You didn’t say at the time.”
“I know. I wish I had. Things were a little tense between us. I’m sorry.”
Ahead, the craggy edges of the Peak District marked our path. A pretty wilderness.
“Can we agree to always share information? Big deal or small. We include each other in the important shite.” I couldn’t look at her now, as I had to watch my controls and the ground.
“After tonight, I agree one hundred percent,” Ella said carefully.
Her tone niggled at my attention. Belvedere came into sight, and I angled the heli to take us around the front. Making small nudges at the stick, keeping us even as we coasted in to land.
“Why do I get the idea I’m not going to like this discussion?” I said.
“I made a decision without you and now I’m worried,” she blurted. “It was meant to be a surprise. A wedding gift.”
Shutting off the urge to question her, I set us down on the lawn, then powered down the craft. We undid our restraints.
“G, if you want to know, I’ll tell you now. I hate the idea of you not trusting me. But this is a big subject, and we need time to discuss it. My brother and Beth are going to want to talk, and this is huge.”
I stared at her, all manner of thoughts intruding.
She said she wanted to talk to me tonight about where we stayed.
Christ. What was it she had to say?
Behind Ella, figures appeared in the entrance to the house.
I opened my mouth. “Don’t leave me,” I said, right as Ella almost yelled, “I bought Braithar!”
We gaped at each other.
“You did what?”
“Why would I leave you? I love you!”
One of the figures closed in on the aircraft. James.
“Ella, Gordain!” he shouted over the racket of the slowing rotor blades. “I need help! It’s Beth.”
Ella dragged in a shocked breath and leapt from her seat.
Cracking open the doors, we jumped down to the grass, ducking as we ran to James. He carried Sebastian in his arms, the bairn crying.
“Beth’s ill. She has some sort of infection, and it’s getting worse. I need to take her to hospital.”
I reached out for Ella’s hand, and we jogged to the house. Fat raindrops hit the ground, the edge of the storm catching up with us.
In the vast marble hall, Beth waited on a chair, a woman next to her, a small child over her shoulder. I barely spared the second woman a glance, but Ella gasped.
James handed Sebastian to his sister. “Can you take care of him? I’m not sure how long we’ll be. Mrs Hinchcliffe will be home in an hour if you need help.”
“Of course.” Ella collected her nephew and hugged him close, her features pinched in worry.
I was all action, ready to help James. He stooped to pick up his pale, faint-looking wife. Beth gave us a wave, but it was weak, and she dropped her hand quickly.
I picked it up and took her pulse, my training kicking in. “I’m not second-guessing you,” I said to James. “I just want to make a couple of checks. Beth?”
She cracked open an eye.
“Talk to me. How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been hit by a truck. Multiple times.” Her head bobbed against James’s chest, and her eyes closed again.
“She’s on antibiotics for a postpartum infection. They said to bring her in if she got worse. This has happened in the last thirty minutes. She nearly fainted, and her fever is back. I was about to carry her to the car when we heard the helicopter.”
Her pulse raced; she was tachycardic. Maybe a response to the medication.
I jerked my head up, my rapid assessment enough.
“We’ll take her in the heli. It’s nae distance by air to Manchester Royal Infirmary.
I’ve landed there a number of times, taking doctors for surgery. We’ll get her to A&E in no time.”
“I was hoping you’d say that. Let’s go.” James held his wife close, then we started to move.
Then another voice rang out. “This is a really bad time. I’m so sorry I intruded. I’ll leave.”
I paused, recognition dawning.
From the military base. From polite conversations held before that day.
Autumn Phillips.
I twisted and glanced at her. What the…?
She was here with a baby.
A baby.
James continued to the door, and I took a half step after him, torn down the middle and confusion reigning.
“I’ve got this, G. Go, help Beth.” Ella’s words centred me.
I closed my jaw. “But—”
“G, go!” Ella prompted.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Then I sprinted across the lawn, pushing everything from my mind so I could fly safe and get back to my wife.
And whatever the hell else was going on.