Chapter 8
EIGHT
THAT KISS
Taylor
After an hour or so of unsuccessfully trying to sleep, I rolled over to find William’s eyes open. In the starlight, he watched me, his head on his hand.
“Can I ask you something?” I said. A number of things were bothering me. I wouldn’t give air to most of them, but a sense dogged me, an insidious voice in my head that told me bad things. It had always been there, but I’d learned to ignore it.
Mostly.
It said I was ugly inside. It said I was unlovable. It said I wasn’t good enough.
Maybe on some level I believed that voice; after all, my parents hadn’t kept me around. But being with William had always silenced it. Every time.
Tonight had been the first time I’d heard it in his presence.
“Anything, lass.”
“Why did we go downstairs to have sex?”
He drew a breath. “That was to do with this house.”
“How?”
“I had my eye on this place since Ally and I discovered it when we were about six. It has stood here for three hundred years but been empty for God knows how long. Even as a boy, I wanted to strip it to its bones and make a home of it.” His voice grew earnest. “It would be my space. Maybe living here first with my brother but then, eventually, I’d raise a family, ye ken. With my lass.”
I blinked, not quite understanding.
“It felt wrong having sex where I’d be sleeping with the woman I loved,” he finished.
Oh.
Right.
The picture became crystal clear. In a rush of mortification, I rolled to my back, feeling cheap. The second time I’d become emotional in his presence. Why did I care? What the fuck was wrong with me?
But wasn’t that the point he was trying to make?
William was a good man. He’d be an excellent husband and father, when he was ready. He even paid respect to that imaginary family long before they existed.
Then there was me.
Pretty enough to mess around with, but even my presence put a stain on a happy future. I could be a trophy wife, valued only in how much I’d been bought for. Not beloved or cherished or enough to build a life around.
Breathtaking, really, in how different the two roles were.
A startled laugh left me, like a small animal scared from its hiding place.
“Ah fuck. I just realised how that sounded. I didn’t mean it like that.” A rustling of sleeping bag came, and William bundled me into his arms. “That came out wrong, I hear it now.”
He tucked his head down against mine, aligning our bodies. Where my sleeping bag was zipped up, cocooning me, his had been open, acting as a blanket. It allowed him now to throw his knee over my hip and pull me into his space.
We lay together for a minute, just breathing. Him holding me tight.
He spoke in a whisper. “For a long time, I had you in my head when I thought of living here. You were my bride.”
“You did not imagine me here,” I disagreed, my voice shaky in a way I hated.
“Fact. It only changed when you stopped seeing me on your visits to Ella. I figured you’d moved on so I had to as well.”
“What does your wife look like now in your vision?” I managed.
“I’m not answering that.” His voice dipped lower still.
Soft lips landed on my hairline.
I tipped my head up, and William’s hot mouth carefully took mine. It was an apology kiss, I guessed, but in the dark, with the warmth of his body finding its way to mine, it became the most sensual kiss I’d ever had.
We moved together, mouths fused, keeping it slow but oh so tender.
I stretched out against him, and he held me close, but this wasn’t about sex or our bodies. It was something else I couldn’t name.
God, I envied that future wife, getting this kiss every night. To have his full care and attention; even the friendly edge I’d had filled me up to overflowing.
If I’d been the type of person who could love, I’d have fallen head over heels for that kiss. I think I even whispered the words to William, earning a fresh surge and a harder hold.
But I wasn’t a normal woman and I wasn’t made for anything good.
At some point, wrapped up in William, I fell asleep, dreaming of a sweet and happy life I could never have.
“Uh, guys?” Ally’s voice woke me with a start.
I opened my eyes to William blinking back at me, inches from my face.
“Yeah?” He raised his head and called to his twin.
“What did I say about picking up your clothes?” Ally said from downstairs, laughter in his tone.
“Oh shit. My bra. Your sweater and belt,” I squeaked.
Not that I was bothered about Ally seeing my underwear, but I suspected William might be.
He kissed me on the nose then pushed up to sitting, grumbling as he found his feet.
My gaze locked onto his crotch, and I stifled a laugh. “You might want to wait a second before you go down.” I pointed at his prominent bulge.
William glanced down then snorted. “I grew up with three brothers and, after Ma left, no women around for most of it. Dicks do this in the morning. None of us care.” He trod into his workman boots and strode down the stairs.
A laugh bubbled up. Unwittingly, he’d painted a picture of four men in the castle, all with erections, bleary eyed and ignoring the others while they made their morning coffee.
I added kilts to the image and cracked up.
“You sound chirpy, Tay,” Ally hollered from the bottom of the stairs. “Good night, was it?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I replied.
“Aye. Give me details. I’m sex-starved.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
William returned, our clothes clutched over his middle and a flask of coffee in his hand. “Shite, Ella’s down there. Lucky she wasn’t looking.” He politely turned away, and I reinstated my bra while he poured a cup.
“Nectar of the gods,” I muttered, taking the offered coffee and burning my lips in my eagerness.
“Morning, Ella. Hi, everyone,” I called to the newcomers.
“Hey, Tay,” Ella yelled back. “I’ll give you a lift if you’re coming back to Braithar.”
“I will, give me a minute.”
A variety of Morning, Taylor and Hey, lass floated up from William’s brothers. I grinned, for the first time feeling that they didn’t all hate me.
William took a deep pull of coffee, and I admired the line of his throat under the overlong scruff.
“We’re putting the tiles on today,” he said, pointing at the open framework of the roof above our heads, daylight highlighting the carefully made structure.
Following his gesture, I gazed up with interest. “I can’t believe you’ve done all this.”
“Fits and starts. I’ve been away a lot so it’s only now that it’s house-shaped again.”
“You never did say where you’re going next. Or when.” If we could have a few more nights like this, I’d be in Heaven.
He passed back our shared coffee. “I leave tonight for work. I’m away for a few weeks.”
Oh. I took a drink, concealing my disappointment by twisting to disentangle myself from the sleeping bag. Well, what had I expected? He wasn’t mine to follow around.
Ella was busy recording for the next week. I could stay with her but I’d be in the way.
I’d have to ramp up my ideas and start my bucket list. Today, even.
“What are your plans?” William asked.
“Is it safe to go up on the roof? We don’t want to accidentally see anything we shouldnae through the skylights,” one of William’s older brothers called.
“Go for it, G. We’re decent,” he shouted.
“I’m going to Europe. I have some travelling to do.” I put the cup on the floorboards and slipped on my shoes. With the crofthouse having old windows and gaps in the roof, the cold of the morning enveloped me. I shivered and took up my jacket.
William watched me. “Alone?”
“Yep. But I’ve been catching flights alone since I was eleven. It’s no biggie. I’m happy on my own.”
Overhead, bootsteps clopped on the roof. Male voices called instructions, and I took my cue to leave.
Fifty different ways of saying goodbye passed through my mind.
I wouldn’t see William again now until after I was engaged.
He had work booked in for the entirety of my month of freedom.
Maybe it would be better this way, but that didn’t explain the strange pang in my chest or my entire inability to put voice to my farewells.
So, instead, I leaned in and kissed him.
His lips took mine, hunger and a new kind of possessiveness in his move. “Talk to me later. Don’t go anywhere without speaking with me first.”
I should nod and leave but I paused, desperate for crumbs. “Why?”
“What is the first stop on your travels?”
I plucked a location from Charity’s itinerary. I could go anywhere, in any order, but I opened my mouth and said, “Paris.”
William’s dark-blond eyebrows drew together in a deep frown. Someone shouted for him again from the roof, but he ignored them. “I am, too. Tonight. Same place.”
He dragged his fingers through his hair and took a step back. “I need to finish this roof today, but wait for me, aye? Travel with me. Like we did before.”
The day after we’d first met, after I’d taken his virginity, we’d flown to the US together, separate destinations but together through the flight across the Atlantic.
He’d held my hand, chatted happily, this fresh-faced tall teenager.
He’d changed so much, whereas I was the same selfish, awful creature I’d always been.
Still, his orders… I could never ignore them.
The relief of having more time with him washed over me like a gentle wave on a beach. “I’ll wait.”
William kissed me square on the mouth. “Book your ticket or change it to match mine. I’ll text you the details.
” His eyes lit, and he shone, effortlessly handsome and good.
He bounced over to the nearest skylight, boosted himself on the windowsill, and peered up.
“Cal. Give me hand. Let’s get a roof on my house. ”
A thick arm descended and hauled my laughing Highlander through the gap. I gaped at his disappearance then descended the wooden stairs to where Ella waited.
For the first time in forever, my smile was genuine and my step buoyant. If I had a heart, it would be hopeful.
If I was anyone other than myself, tonight could be the making of something wonderful.