Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
SOME HURTS NEVER WENT AWAY
Wasp
“Twice today I’ve seen your lily-white arse, and that’s two too many. What happened to your boxers?” Ally approached, a hand over his eyes and another extended, like he was afraid of what he might see. “Wait, maybe I don’t want to know. You decide.”
I snorted a laugh. “Moron. I kicked them off. They’re floating out there somewhere.”
Ally dropped the act then joined us, sitting at our lazy perch. “Symbolic.”
“Aye, exactly. As I swam, in my head they became the constraints I’d been under. Now they’re fish food.”
My brother’s smile dialled back, and his swift gaze took me in. “You seem happier already. You’d normally be at the grunting stage and disappearing off to be alone.”
I glanced to where Taylor finger-combed the tangles from her hair, and then to my twin. “Nah. Not from you both. The rest of the world can keep its distance for a day or two more, but you two can stay right here.”
“Good to hear,” my lass said.
Her blue eyes held mine for a moment, and my heart skipped a beat.
There was far, far too much still buzzing around my head to make clear sense of everything that’d gone on, but I knew one thing for sure. She cared for me. To some extent needed me.
She’d asked me to keep her. Aye, lass. Watch me.
I sensed Ally’s gaze on me and instantly felt bad for his worry. “Did ye hear from your agent?”
He stared out over the water. “Not yet. But she thinks it’s in the bag, thanks to you.”
“So have ye been sitting in the car and moping?”
“Ha. A wee bit.”
“Moping over what?” Taylor asked.
“He feels guilty over my meltdown. Like it was his fault that I took it upon myself to go to his audition.”
Ally’s silence confirmed it.
Taylor tilted her head. “Can I ask a question?”
We both nodded, probably looking ridiculous now I’d undergone my shave and haircut. We hadn’t looked this similar since we were lads.
“Ally, you said earlier that you felt guilt over the Wasp nickname. I don’t even know how it came about.”
Ally sucked in a breath. “Ah, that. Bro? Care to explain?”
“I copped a beating for him,” I said starkly.
I had no problem with Taylor knowing this, though it wasn’t my favourite topic of conversation.
Depending on who was asking, I told different versions of the story.
Taylor could have the facts. “Da got drunk and grabbed me, thinking I was my brother. He whipped me, screaming shite about how dense I was. How I’d failed at a test and needed good sense beaten into me.
I remember wondering what the hell he was going on about, then he called me ‘Alasdair’, and I got it.
Eventually, Callum stopped him, broke the fucker’s nose, but I had a back covered in black and blue lashes to show for it. ”
Taylor’s mouth gaped open, her expression one of shock. Ally had closed his eyes.
I continued, “Gordain put ointment on the cuts and commented how I was striped like a wee wasp. It made me laugh, and from there on in, I used the name.”
Darkness gathered around us, night replacing the evening. Even so, tears were plain on Taylor’s cheeks. Ah, Christ, I hadn’t wanted to upset the woman.
“How old were you?”
“Eight.”
She gave an unhappy little gasp.
“That’s why he,” I indicated my head at my brother, “carries around this permanent guilt. Despite us all knowing it was Da’s fault. Callum and Gordain talked to us both about it, over and over. Making sure we understood how neither of us had done anything wrong.”
“Ye didn’t stop him, though,” Ally said to the stars. “Ye could have just told him he had the wrong one of us. It would’ve stopped it.”
Ah fuck, he was breaking my heart.
Some hurts never went away. This was ours.
For over fifteen years, this argument remained.
“Then two of you would’ve been beaten by that motherfucker.” Taylor rose from her position and sat between me and my twin. She put an arm around his shoulders then leaned against me.
Such a simple gesture, but it broke the invisible barrier between me and him. I’d say it was okay. He’d still look sad. Taylor’s move changed up our dynamic.
I wrapped them both in a hug, taking their weight.
“She’s right,” I told Ally. “And she’s smarter than me, so you should listen.”
Ally huffed, letting it all happen. Letting Taylor hold him. The tender moment stretched out, and around us, the calm lake air seemed to gentle further.
This time, no jealousy struck me.
Everything felt right with the world.
“Love you guys,” Ally murmured.
A loaded silence met his words. I loved them both, too. But this wasn’t the time to say it. Not to one of them, anyway.
Under my arm, Taylor tensed.
My brother sat up and gave an amused chuckle. His eyes sparkled. “I just made this super awkward, didn’t I?”
Taylor didn’t move, and I hugged her a little harder, just in case she wondered.
Ally leapt to his feet and planted his hands on his hips. “Well, it’s getting late, and we have another long drive tomorrow. I booked us into a hotel. One room with a king-sized bed for all of us, aye?”
“Shut the fuck up.” I aimed a kick at his leg, but he danced away.
“What? I’m trying to lighten the atmosphere.”
Taylor’s delayed laugh startled us both. She held out a hand to Ally, and he helped her to her feet. Then she slapped his chest. “You might look like your brother, but don’t push your luck.”
Chuckling, I joined them, and we collected our items and left the dock.
Emotionally, I had bruises, sustained in the water and shaped like Taylor’s heart. I needed more food, sleep, and a couple of days of relaxation.
Then we’d see about that whole love conversation.
At the car, I retrieved my phone from where I’d stashed it in the bottom of my bag. I hadn’t had the brain space to handle the callbacks from Freddie or Reportage One so hadn’t checked it since the morning.
The screen lit. Missed calls and voicemail messages loaded.
Ally drove us back towards the town. Taylor placed her hand over mine. She’d taken a seat with me in the back, just like before.
“Want me to make any calls for you?”
Freddie liked Taylor. He’d happily added her to the tour lists for things like backstage passes. He’d probably be fine talking to her on my behalf.
Not that I would go there. I had to reclaim my pride somehow.
If I was lucky, this event would be it for a while. It sometimes went that way with maxing out. I’d be steady for months until the next episode.
Squeezing Taylors’s fingers, I gave her a soft smile. “I’ve got it. Thank ye.”
First, the voicemails. Amongst much humming and hawing, Freddie told me that he was going to talk to Rex, who’d apparently left the club in a temper. His second message was even vaguer. He said Rex had punched me first, which made no sense, and they’d see me in Berlin for the evening performance.
Reportage One’s message was curter. “Mr McRae, you’ll no doubt be aware that the incident you have reported breaches our terms and conditions of service. We’ll be discussing the matter further and will be in touch to advise of the action we’ll take.”
How ominous.
I relayed the messaged to my brother and Taylor.
“If they don’t need you until the gig,” she mused, her gaze on the road ahead as my brother made a left into a square, “we have time to kill. All tomorrow and until the following evening, right?”
I confirmed it.
“Then tomorrow, we should do something spectacular. We’re in the middle of a huge country. We have the time, and it’ll be better than hanging out in Berlin worrying about the band. Agreed?”
“Aye,” Ally and I replied in unison again, though I had a small blip of apprehension. I still craved isolation but I’d fight my way through it if she wanted to have a good time.
My brother parked the car outside a small hotel. In the reception, he checked us in and gave me our key, then told us goodnight.
We made our way upstairs.
“What did ye have in mind for tomorrow?” I stole an arm around Taylor’s waist, pulling her close.
She grinned. “Let me worry about that. It’ll be outdoors and in peaceful surroundings. The rest will be my surprise.”
My concern dissolved, and happiness replaced it. I needed a shower, room service, and a hot date in bed with my lass. One who knew me, despite the short time we’d been together.
Then I needed sleep. Hours and hours of deep sleep.
The next morning, while I showered, babbling noise filtered through the bathroom door.
My brother’s and Taylor’s voices. When I emerged, a towel around my waist, the two of them were sitting in bed, the blanket over their legs, Ally at the bottom just like me and him would chill in our rooms at the castle when we were kids.
They had the TV on and were cackling over a reality show.
Taylor swept her gaze over me. We’d woken up naked and entwined and fallen into a slow, semi-awake, highly pleasurable screw.
Christ, did I need the lass. All the time.
“Ally’s made a decision.” She shook off her open lust and gestured to my twin. “He says he’s going home.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “That so?”
He stretched his arms over his head. “Aye. I already booked a ticket from Stuttgart. It’s only an hour away and in the right direction for ye. If ye can drop me there this morning, I’ll let you love birds continue on alone.”
“I already told him I didn’t mind him being with us.” Taylor shook Ally’s foot.
“Eh. You two need time together. I have stuff to get on with. Callum and Gordain are busy with a project, and they could do with another pair of hands.”
I loved my brother, but this news meant I had two days alone with Taylor before I needed to work again. I grabbed fresh underwear and joined them in their den. We ordered breakfast to our room, and it wasn’t hard to picture this becoming a regular thing.
It was all I could do to stop my mind moving Taylor into the crofthouse with me and having Ally stay over sometimes.
Taylor drove the stretch to Stuttgart, and we dropped my brother at the airport. Outside the car, he hugged me then pulled me back a few steps. Concern filled his gaze.
“Will ye be okay on the flight?” I asked.