Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
PENELOPE
M y heart pounds as I stare at our joined hands, feeling sparks at every point where Nick’s skin touches mine. I’m breathing hard, almost panting, as if I’ve just run to get here and be in this moment with him. The world around us fades away, leaving only the warmth of Nick’s hand and the rush of memories flooding my mind.
Suddenly, I’m transported back in time. Nick’s arms around me, strong, warm, and comforting. He’s always warm, always a safe and secure place to lean into—which I never do.
His lips on mine, so full of love and passion that I drown in him. I want to kiss him forever and never stop.
The way he smiled at Noelle with all the love of a father.
Each memory hits me with a force that leaves me dizzy and disoriented .
A sharp knock on the door shatters the moment. “Ms. Caldwell? The meeting is about to start,” my assistant’s voice calls through the door.
I jerk my hand away from Nick’s as if I’ve been burned, the loss of contact leaving me feeling strangely bereft and instantly chilled. Without a word, I turn on my heel and march out of the office, desperately trying to regain my composure. My heart is pounding so loudly I’m sure everyone can hear it as I enter the meeting room.
The familiar sight of the utilitarian space, with its long table and uncomfortable chairs, helps ground me somewhat. But then my eyes land on Noelle, and my breath catches in my throat. She’s perched happily on Harvey’s lap, her little face alight as she chatters away to him.
Harvey looks exactly like I’d imagine Santa would if he decided to take a vacation in Founder's Grove. His white beard is neatly trimmed, his eyes twinkling with mirth behind wire-rimmed glasses. But instead of a red suit, he’s wearing a button-up red shirt and khaki pants, giving him a charmingly casual air.
For a moment, I consider going over and pulling Noelle away. But the way the Kringles are looking at her, with such genuine adoration, stops me in my tracks. My daughter is clearly in her element, surrounded by these warm, loving people. She accepts their attention and adoration as if it’s natural and I envy her that ability. She’s never been jilted, never left pregnant and alone by the man who was supposed to love and care for her. The sight makes my heart ache in a way I can’t quite explain.
Forcing myself to focus, I call the meeting to order. As committee members begin reporting back on their assignments, I try to push thoughts of Nick and the Kringles to the back of my mind. But it’s like trying to ignore a fireworks display - impossible.
“...still don’t have a big draw for this year’s Bazaar,” one of the committee members is saying, pulling me back to the present. “The train is fantastic, but we haven’t been able to replicate the light show from the first year.”
The light show Nick’s sister put up. Lux? Was that her name? It seems fitting for someone who works with lights.
A heavy silence falls over the room as we all stare at our papers, racking our brains for ideas. From the corner of my eye, I see Hazel bump Nick’s arm, urging him to speak up. He shakes his head, clearly reluctant to say anything.
Hazel nudges him again, nodding in my direction. I pretend not to notice, keeping my eyes firmly fixed on the papers in front of me. But my entire body is attuned to Nick’s presence, waiting to see what he’ll do. How can I not? The man just said he loves me—always has. Am I supposed to leap into his arms and have him carry me off to his North Pole home?
It sounds so stupid, but the image stays strong.
Finally, with a roll of his eyes that I catch despite my best efforts not to look, Nick speaks up. “How about a live reindeer?”
The suggestion sends a ripple of excitement through the room. Committee members perk up, intrigued by the idea. As they begin to discuss the logistics and possibilities, I find myself only half listening. My mind is still reeling from our earlier encounter, and my emotions are a tangled mess that I can’t begin to unravel.
“What do you think, Penelope?” someone asks, pulling me back to the present once again.
I blink, trying to focus. “I... I think it’s a great idea,” I hear myself say. “The children would love it.”
The Kringles immediately jump in, assuring everyone that they’ll handle all the details. As they discuss the reindeer’s arrival, care, and presentation during the Bazaar, I feel a strange mix of relief and apprehension. On one hand, I know I can trust them to handle this - if anyone knows about reindeer, it’s the Kringles. On the other hand, this means they’ll be even more involved in the Bazaar than I’d anticipated.
“A real reindeer?” Noelle leans over and grabs Nick’s face between her hands. “Like Rudolph?”
Nick chuckles, the sound sending a shiver down my spine. “Well, not quite like Rudolph,” he says.
Not quite—as in it can fly, but its nose doesn’t light up or what?
As the meeting continues, wrapping up other minor details, I find my mind wandering back to Nick again and again. The warmth of his hand in mine, the sincerity in his eyes when he said he still loved me - it’s all too much to process.
Finally, mercifully, the meeting comes to an end. As everyone starts to gather their things and file out, I see Nick making his way towards me. He’s stopped by his nephew, Rye, who grabs him into a hug. “I got the job.” The Kringles offer him a hearty round of congratulations.
“I’m officially on the bottom rung—the mail room.” He beams as if this is a major accomplishment. “I can’t wait to tell Aunt Frost. She’s going to flip out.”
I hesitate. Part of me wants nothing more than to stay and join the Kringles in their moment. I can see myself in this family, being a part of their joy, and it’s like offering me salted caramel—too good to resist.
The other reason to stay is to talk to Nick and figure out what all of this means for us—to figure out my own feelings. They aren’t as cut and dry as I made them out to be. I moved on in the sense that I’m dating, but no man holds a Christmas candle to Nick. I’m not serious about settling down with them. Which is why the relationships pitter out.
But the part that’s been protecting my heart for the past three years screams at me to run.
In the end, self-preservation wins out. “Come on, Noelle,” I call, my voice sounding strained even to my own ears. “It’s time to go home.”
As we make our hasty exit, I can feel Nick’s eyes on me, but I don’t look back. I can’t. Because if I do, I’m not sure I’ll be able to leave at all.
The cool air outside the building is a shock to my system, helping to clear my head a little. As Noelle skips along beside me, chattering excitedly about the reindeer and the Bazaar, I try to sort through the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me.
Nick is back .
He still loves me.
And despite my best efforts to move on, to protect myself and Noelle from further heartbreak, I can’t deny the way my heart raced at his touch, the way his presence filled a void that’s haunted me ever since that fateful Christmas Eve.
As we step into the warmth of the bakery, greeted by Grandpa Henry’s cheerful hello, I realize that I have a lot of thinking to do. One thing is clear—with Nick Kringle back in town saying things like he loves me, I’m not going to be able to stay bottled up like I have been for the last three years. I’m already unraveling like a spool of ribbon.
And I’m combining metaphors, which is not a good sign.
“Mamma,” Noelle tugs on my hand, pulling me from my thoughts. “Can we make Christmas cookies tonight? Like the ones Nick used to make with us?”
I freeze, caught off guard by her request because she’s asking for more of Nick, and I’m trying to have less of him. “Of course, sweetie,” I manage, forcing a smile. “We’ll make them after dinner, okay?”
It would be easier to figure this all out if I didn’t have to live with Nick’s fan club.