Chapter 17
“God, I love this,” Tommy shouted over the roar of the crowd.
He stood beside me, bouncing on his toes, his face split into a manic grin while his sweat soaked hair clung to his forehead. We were only two shows into the tour but this was a routine I could get used to. I had just as much fun watching Tommy dance around like a man possessed by the music as I did witnessing Rhiannon pump up thousands of fans.
We were tucked just out of sight in the wings, close enough to feel the heat of the lights, to see the sweat glistening on Ryan’s brow as he gripped the mic. While the band lost themselves in their music and the crowd, Nia wove around the stage, shadowing all of the guys with a camera in hand and another hanging from a harness strapped to her chest.
She’d given me a peek at her shots from last night and I couldn’t wait to see what she did tonight.
The crew shuffled around us with an almost eerie synchronicity, checking wires, signalling cues, preparing instruments. It was chaos, but a carefully orchestrated sort of chaos that I would never get tired of experiencing.
Alys joined us, bumping me with her shoulder to get my attention. I smiled at her and she took my hand, just as the tempo notched up and Ryan started jumping.
We jumped with him while Alys sang along to the songs, her blue eyes bright with delight and a huge smile stretching her lips. I couldn’t help but grin back, caught up in her infectious joy.
“Can you believe we get to do this every night?” I shouted over the music, my voice giddy.
“It never gets old!” She laughed, squeezing my hand. “I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.”
Would Lewis and I still be like this, two years down the line? Would the music still set our souls on fire, or would the pressures of fame and fortune slowly erode the magic?
I hoped I never got so used to this that I couldn’t feel the joy of it, the rush of adrenaline, the pulse of the bass in my chest.
My gaze drifted back to Nia, darting along the back of the stage, camera glued to her face. She moved like she was part of the music, her shutter clicking in perfect time.
She passed James and he winked at her. Dan walked over to him, grinning and raising his eyebrows in silent communication. James’s smile grew and the pair of them started showing off for the camera, lining up to play a riff in time, leaning against each other’s backs.
Nia shook her head but never lowered her camera, capturing every second until the song changed and something else caught her attention.
Ryan moved towards an amp and she sprang into action, rushing towards him and the edge of the stage with a determined furrow to her brow.
Unease prickled along my spine as I watched her navigate the narrow space. The stage was slick with sweat and spilled beer, the lights disorienting in their intensity. One wrong step, one moment of distraction…
She’d barely crouched down when Ryan leapt atop the amp, teetering precariously as he belted out a high note.
Several things happened at once, too quick to process or predict.
The crowd surged forward, security gathered beneath him and girls in the front row screamed, their arms outstretched, desperate to touch him.
Nia leaned out, the stage lights glinting off her lens. Then I don’t know what happened. Did her foot catch a cable? Did she lean too far? Was the stage wet?
My imagination, I know, but time seemed to slow to a crawl as I watched in growing horror.
“Nia!” The scream tore from my throat as she fell, plummeting out of sight.
James swore, the sound catching on his mic. He rushed forward, but no one was fast enough to catch her.
“No, no, no,” I chanted under my breath, my feet moving before my brain could catch up. “Please be okay, please be okay.”
I ran, shoving past the roadies working at the side of the stage. I jumped down the steps and rounded the speakers, pushing a security guard out of my way, my heart in my mouth.
Blood roared in my ears, my pulse a deafening drumbeat. I hit the barricade and a distant part of me startled when Tommy and Alys shoved it out of the way for me. We continued on, pushing through more security guards.
“Medical emergency in front of the stage security barrier,” one of them shouted into a radio.
On stage, Ryan faltered, the song dying on his lips. For a suspended second, his eyes met mine, wide with fear. Then he was moving again, but never away from the edge of the stage. He might have been the consummate showman, but I could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his gaze kept flitting to the spot where Nia had fallen.
We pushed our way through until we reached her side.
“Oh lord.” The words left me in a breathless rush, my belly turning at the sight of her crumpled form.
“Fuck. Nia.” Tommy sank down by her side and took her hand, a look of absolute devastation in his eyes. “I told you not to pull that shit.”
She lay on the floor, her eyes shut, a gash on her forehead that bled so profusely it dyed her platinum blonde hair red. Her broken lenses were scattered around her.
“Is she…?” Alys’s voice trembled, the question hanging unfinished in the air.
Her eyelids fluttered. A low moan escaped her lips. Relief crashed through me, dizzying in its intensity. She was alive. Hurt, but alive.
“What happened?” she asked, groaning as she tried to sit up.
I sank to my knees and helped Tommy hold her down. “That’s a really bad idea, right now, Nia.”
“Yeah, just wait for the paramedics, okay?” Tommy squeezed her shoulder. “They’ll be here, any second.”
“Guys, I’m fine.” Her eyelids drooped as she said it.
Alys snorted, a choked sound caught between a laugh and a sob. “Sure you are, babe. Just totally fine, bleeding on the floor. Nothing to see here.”
In a blink, we were surrounded by paramedics and a security guard who I vaguely remembered being the man in charge. We moved out of the way, giving them room to work. Questions flew, orders were barked, and I bit my tongue hard enough to taste blood, swallowing back my fury at his useless security team who’d let this happen.
The more they talked the deeper the pit of worry grew inside of me. I could barely hear them over the music, catching snippets that didn’t alleviate my concerns.
“Possible concussion.”
“Need a neck brace.”
“Get a stretcher.”
Their voices were clipped, professional, but the urgency in their movements, the tension in their shoulders spoke volumes. Was it that bad?
Through it all, Nia stirred fretfully, her hands groping at the ground. “My cameras,” she mumbled. “Are… are they okay?”
A hysterical bubble of laughter caught in my throat. Trust Nia to worry about her gear. I clasped her searching fingers, my voice cracking.
“Don’t worry about the cameras. Just stay still, alright? Let them help you.”
“But the show,” she protested weakly, trying to push herself up again. “I have to… I need to…”
“Shh, no you don’t.” I brushed her hair back from her face, my fingers trembling. “The only thing you need to worry about right now is you.”
I glanced up and found James hovering above us. His guitar hung forgotten at his side but for the white-knuckle grip he kept on it, his jaw clenched so hard I feared he might break a tooth. He looked seconds away from diving off the stage himself.
Heedless of the show, of the thousands of eyes upon him, he paced the edge of the stage, never taking his eyes off Nia’s prone form. Ryan cast him a worried look but kept singing, the show going on around this pocket of drama.
My heart ached for him, for the helpless fury and fear etched into every line of his body. I couldn’t imagine being in his place, forced to perform while the person I loved lay broken.
I caught James’s eye, trying to pour reassurance into my gaze. Jerking my head towards the stage, I mouthed, “I’ve got her.”
He hesitated, indecision warring on his face. I could practically see the gears turning in his head, the desperate calculations. How fast could he get off the stage? Would he reach her before security stopped him? What would happen to the show, to the band, if he abandoned his post?
For a moment, he looked mutinous, his grip tightening on his guitar. But then, with a visible effort, he repositioned his guitar and started playing. The professional mask slipped back into place, but it lacked his usual enthusiasm. The man had turned into a robot, letting muscle memory take over.
I exhaled a shaky breath, some of the tension easing from my shoulders. One less crisis to manage.
As the paramedics eased Nia onto a stretcher, I scrambled to my feet. “I’m coming with her.”
“Sorry, miss. It’s not going to happen.” The head honcho of the guards shook his head, grim-faced. “Family only in the ambulance.”
“But I’m—” The protest died on my tongue. He was right. I wasn’t family, not in the way that mattered.
Disappointment sat bitter on my tongue, mingling with the coppery taste of fear. I wanted to argue, to demand they let me stay by her side. But I knew it would be futile. These weren’t people to be reasoned with, not in an emergency.
Frustration burned in my throat, but I nodded. That didn’t mean I was giving up. Alys and I followed them out to the loading bay where an ambulance waited.
“What are we going to do?” she asked, her voice tight with frustration. “We can’t just let her go alone.”
“We won’t,” I said firmly, pulling out my phone. “We’re going to that hospital, even if we have to hitchhike.” My fingers flew over the keys, my thoughts racing ahead. “I’m texting James. He needs to know what’s happening.”
Alys nodded, wrapping her arms around herself while they loaded Nia into the ambulance. She looked so small, so fragile against the white sheets. Every instinct screamed at me to go with her, to not let her out of my sight.
But I couldn’t. So I did the only thing I could. I ordered a taxi and kept James updated.
* * *
The ride to the hospital passed in a blur of streetlights and honking horns. I fidgeted in my seat, my knee bouncing, my nails digging into my palms. Every red light felt like a personal affront, every slow driver an enemy conspiring to keep us from getting there.
Beside me, Alys was a mirror image of nervous energy, her foot tapping an anxious rhythm on the floor.
“How much longer?” she asked for the dozenth time, craning her neck to see out the window. “It feels like we’ve been in this cab for hours.”
“Too long,” I muttered.
The driver met my eyes in the rearview mirror, his expression a mix of sympathy and exasperation.
“Almost there, ladies,” he said. “Just a couple more blocks.”
She’ll be fine,I told myself over and over, a desperate mantra. She’s tough. She has to be fine.
But I couldn’t wipe the memory of Nia lying on the stadium floor, the blood on her face, the unnatural stillness.
What if it had been Lewis? The thought hit me like a punch to the gut. If he was the one in the ambulance, would I be in this same position? Helpless, shut out, with no legal right to information or to be by his side?
The idea made me feel sick. Legally, we were nothing to each other. Even to our friends we were nothing more than colleagues.
By the time the taxi pulled up to the hospital entrance, I was coiled tighter than a spring. I thrust a wad of bills at the driver, not bothering to wait for change before Alys and I were out the door, our boots pounding against the pavement.
We rushed through the hospital, following signs to the ER without saying a word to each other. Harsh fluorescent lights and the pungent smell of antiseptic assaulted us.
The corridors seemed to stretch on forever, a maze of white walls and squeaky linoleum. Orderlies pushed gurneys, nurses hurried past with clipboards, and everywhere, that smell—a mix of bleach and sickness that turned my belly.
I’d made it a point to avoid hospitals ever since my grandmother died. It didn’t matter how much time had passed, the reminders were too stark.
But I couldn’t think about that now. Nia needed us. I pushed the memories down, locking them away. Later, I could fall apart. But not now. Not yet.
To my credit, I didn’t even flinch while walking into the waiting room. My attention was fixed on the nurses station ahead and the people in colourful scrubs bustling around it. The air hummed with a mix of murmured conversations, crying, phones pinging and ringing, and the distant beeping of monitors.
I shouldered my way to the desk, my palms sweating and my heart in my throat. The nurse behind the counter looked up, her expression politely detached.
“I’m here for Nia Thomas,” I said in a rush. “She was just brought in, head injury from a fall. Can you tell me where she is? How she’s doing?”
The nurse’s fingers flew over her keyboard, her eyes scanning the screen. “Are you family?” she asked without looking up.
“No, we’re her friends,” Alys said. “We work together. Please, I just need to know if she’s okay.”
“I’m sorry.” The nurse’s voice was kind but firm. “I can only release information to immediate family members. Hospital policy.”
“But…” Desperation clawed at my throat. “Please. I saw her fall. I just need to know…”
The nurse sighed, her eyes softening a fraction. “Look, I understand you’re worried. But my hands are tied. The best I can tell you is that she’s being evaluated.”
I fired off a text to James, updating him on the situation and then sat on my hands for I don’t know how long. It might have been minutes, it might have been hours. In this place, time lost all meaning.
I checked my phone obsessively, willing it to buzz with an update from anyone. But the screen remained dark and silent, mocking me.
“Alys! Liv!” a familiar voice called out, tight with urgency.
My head snapped up and Alys leapt to her seat, nearly tripping in her haste. James stood in the doorway, his hair wild, his eyes haunted. He still wore his stage clothes, his shirt sweat-soaked and clinging to his chest.
“Oh thank lord.” I rushed over to him, crossing the room in a few quick strides. “They won’t tell us anything, they said only family?—”
“I know.” He dragged a hand through his hair, his gaze darting to the nurses station. “I called her mam on the way over. She’s given permission for them to release information to me.”
“That’s a relief,” I breathed. “So you can find out how she is? What’s happening?”
He nodded, his jaw tight. “I’ll talk to the nurses. Wait here, okay? I’ll be right back.”
And then he was gone, striding towards the reception desk with purpose. I watched him lean in close, his voice low and intense as he spoke to the nurse. She nodded, her fingers once again flying over the keys.
“What’s taking so long?” she muttered, more to herself than to me. “Why won’t they just tell us something, anything?”
I didn’t have an answer. All I could do was shake my head, my throat too tight for words. After what felt like a lifetime, he returned with an unreadable expression. I searched his eyes, my heart in my throat.
“She’s okay,” he said, and it was like all the air rushed back into the room. “She has a concussion, and they want to keep her overnight for observation. But she’s awake and talking.”
The relief hit me like a physical force, so strong it nearly brought me to my knees. Beside me, Alys let out a shaky breath, her hand finding mine and squeezing tight.
“Can we see her?”
“They’re getting her settled in a room now. The nurse said she’d come get us when we can go back.”
I nodded. I lifted my hand, intending to swipe my hair back but the sight of it shaking gave me pause. When had I started shaking?
“Hey, it’s okay.” James wrapped an arm around my shoulders, steadying me. “She’s going to be fine. We all are.”
I believed him, but that didn’t stop the adrenaline draining from my body. I leaned into him, grateful for the support.
“C’mon, let’s sit down while we wait.” He guided me back to the chairs, his hand warm on the small of my back. We collapsed into the hard plastic, shoulder to shoulder, knees bumping.
Alys sank down on my other side, her body just as tense as mine.
“I can’t believe this happened,” I whispered, my voice raw. “One second she was doing what she loves, and the next…”
“I know.” James’s voice was thick with pain. “It all happened so fast. I saw her fall and I just… I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. All I knew was I had to get to her.”
I stared at him and wished I could look away. It was disconcerting, seeing my own fear and helplessness reflected back at me.
In that moment, the reality of what we did, the risks we took, crashed over me with sickening clarity.
“It’s not right,” Alys said quietly, her voice tight with anger. “We’re her family. We should be able to be there for her, no matter what.”
James nodded, his jaw clenched. “When I propose to Nia, it’ll mean more than medical access, but fuck,” he released a frustrated breath and dragged a hand across his face. “I regret not having popped the question already and that’s not right.”
A throat cleared, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see a nurse standing before us, a gentle smile on her face.
“You can see her now,” she said. “She’s been asking for you.”
James and I were on our feet in an instant, Alys half a step behind us. We followed the nurse down the winding hallway to a small room that smelled of lemon disinfectant and reminded me far too much of an almost identical room in Jasmine Bay where my grandmother had spent her final days, wasting away.
Only it wasn’t my grandmother in the bed and Nia wasn’t going to leave us any time soon.
She was propped up against stark white pillows, her face pale but her eyes open and aware.
“Hey, music man,” she croaked, her lips quivering with a tired smile. “Heard you finished the set without me. I’m hurt.”
Up close, the bruising on her temple stood out in vivid relief, a mottled canvas of purples and reds. The stitches stood out against her pale skin. But her gaze was clear and her grip strong as she reached for my hand.
“You scared the hell out of us, Nia,” I whispered, blinking back tears. “Don’t ever do that again, you hear me?”
“I’ll try to limit my stage dives from now on,” she said, but there was a quaver in her voice.
“How are you feeling, shutterbug?” James sank down onto the mattress at her side, his hand coming up to smooth her hair back from her forehead with aching tenderness. “And don’t say ‘fine,’ because I can see that you’re not.”
“My head hurts.” Her smile slipped a notch. “And everything’s a bit fuzzy. The doctor said that’s normal with a concussion. But I’ll be okay. I’m tougher than I look.”
“That you are.” James pressed a kiss to her knuckles, his eyes suspiciously bright. “But you’re going to need to take it easy for a while. We’ll get someone to fill in for you with the band for a few weeks.”
She frowned. “But?—”
“No arguments.”
“Fine,” she muttered with a dark look. Then her expression cleared and her eyes seemed to dance with an idea. “You gonna play nurse for me?”
A surprised laugh huffed out of James. “I think I could be persuaded. As long as you promise to actually rest and not try to sneak off to edit photos the second my back’s turned.”
“No promises,” Nia said. But then her gaze softened, her fingers tightening around James’s. “Thank you. For being here. All of you.”
My heart clenched. “Of course. There’s nowhere else we’d be.”
Alys squeezed her foot through the blanket, her eyes shining. “We love you, you daft git. You’re stuck with us, remember?”
Nia’s smile wobbled, her eyes suspiciously shiny. “I remember.”
I settled into the chair on her other side.
Watching James and Nia, I made a silent promise to myself. I needed to find a way to ensure that Lewis and I would never be in their position, needing a parent an ocean away to give permission for my partner to see me.
Taking that leap into forever, signing the papers that would bind us in the eyes of the law… I would do it. I would do whatever it took to make sure that we could always be there for each other.
That’s what love was, right?
A promise, a commitment, a choice to face the world together, come what may. And I was ready to make that choice, with all my heart.
But was Lewis on the same page?