12. ANDIE
I wake up, for the second time in a row, with Nikolai in the room with me. But this time, he’s splayed out, half-naked, on the bed beside me. I tentatively reach out to touch his back, wondering if this is really happening.
He spent the night. I don’t know why I thought he would get up and sneak off at some point.
I guess because he has been so eager to keep his distance from me so far, and I can’t help but feel a strange distance between us.
But last night, when he took me back to my room, I could feel something different in the air between us, something shifting.
Like jealousy. Like he didn’t like seeing me in conversation with all of those men, as platonic as it was.
I was nothing but polite, even when his brother tried dropping a few suggestive comments in my direction, but Nikolai seems eager to make sure that I know he’s the only one with any claim to me.
I own you. That’s what he said to me last night, when he picked me up off the ground and tossed me down onto the bed. A reminder that I’m his, in whatever way it matters. And as I stroke my hand over his bare shoulder, I find myself wondering just what that means.
Waking up next to him, in its strange way, feels more intimate than even the sex we had before.
I know it’s a strange way to think, but I haven’t woken up next to anyone in a hell of a long time.
I haven’t really been in a relationship since—well, since ever, now that I think of it.
I’ve never really had time for one, not in between keeping up with work and taking care of?—
Suddenly, Nikolai stirs beside me, and I glance over at him.
He’s still half-asleep, and he reaches across and pulls me against him, pressing his face into the back of my neck with a slight sigh.
I feel the warmth of him next to me, the strength of his body wrapped around me, holding me close like he doesn’t want me anywhere else but in his arms, and I close my eyes again, letting myself soften into his grip.
I have to admit, there’s something I like about this. I mean, I know it’s a crazy thing to say, because I’m aware of what he’s involved with. Maybe not the details, but I know his family is in a dark business. It’s not exactly the kind of thing that should make me feel safe, but…
I close my eyes and lean back into him, and he pulls me in a little closer. If I close my eyes, and just pretend, I can pretend this is worth hanging on to.
I rub my finger along my ring, trying to make sense of what it means. The kind of woman I’ll have to be in order to be his wife. It’s not just going to be meeting with other men in this underground business of his. When we get back to America, it could be way more serious than that.
And what about my business? Everything I’ve worked for?
Is it just going to be set aside, so I can play at being his willing, attendant wife?
I might have been able to make use of my skills last night to prove myself to the people around him, but there’s no guaranteeing that everything I’ve learned won’t go to waste if I find myself stuck at his side.
I don’t get the feeling that women in this world are valued for much more than the ability to look pretty at their husband’s side, and churning out a couple of kids.
Kids. That’s a part of this I have been trying not to think about.
Though I’ve already hooked up with Nikolai twice, and neither of us made any kind of effort to use protection—I’m living in this fantasy world where nothing really matters.
Back in reality, I know I will need to be more careful if I don’t want to be tied to this man on a deeper level.
Or maybe I want that. I mean, it’s not like I have any real family of my own to go back to. What do I have back in New York—aside from my business, I mean?
It’s been years since I lost Chris. Even longer than that since we lost our parents.
This, as crazy as it is, is the closest thing I’ve had to a real family in a long time.
God, what kind of person does that make me, that I’m even considering overlooking all the madness that has brought me here just because I feel that alone in the world?
Behind me, Nikolai stirs, and this time, he plants a kiss against the back of my neck. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I murmur, turning to him, glad for the distraction from everything that’s going on inside my head.
He reaches up, pushing the hair back from my face. “You okay?”
I force a smile onto my face and nod. “Just…got a lot on my mind, that’s all.”
“Care to share?”
I shake my head. “What are we doing today?” I ask, shifting the conversation to something else entirely. I can feel the way he’s looking at me, eyes lingering on me with obvious curiosity, but that doesn’t mean I have to just roll over and tell him everything that’s on my mind, right?
“I don’t know,” he replies. “I imagine my father will want to take dinner with us, now that you’re here.”
“Last night wasn’t enough?”
He chuckles. “Enough to prove that you can handle yourself with his associates,” he reasons. “But he needs to decide if he likes you too.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Oh, you think he might not even like me?”
“I didn’t say that,” he replies, not missing a beat. “He just wants a chance to get to know you better. Since you’re part of the family now.”
I part my lips, almost wanting to come out and ask exactly what it means for me to be part of this family. What it looks like now that I’m officially part of his clan, and if he’s going to try and rip that away from me the first chance he gets when we’re back in America.
I scan his face, searching for something that might give away what’s going through his head, but he’s as impassive as ever, leaving me next to nothing to hold on to. I rise from the bed, heading over to the shower. “At least let me get washed up first.”
“Hmm,” he murmurs, leaning over the bed so he can watch me move through the room. “Careful walking around naked like that. I might get distracted…”
I giggle, a little flush rising to my cheeks, and slip into the shower before he can say another word.
I know I shouldn’t be letting his sweet-talking get under my skin like that, but damn, there’s a part of me that enjoys the way he lavishes attention on me as though I’m the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.
I wash up and get dressed, changing into a simple pair of linen pants and a shirt.
I look at myself in the mirror, hoping I can pass for the kind of woman who would make a good partner for a man like Nikolai.
I know I shouldn’t be putting this much stock into it, but God, it’s hard not to, when this is the closest thing I’ve had to a real family in longer than I’d care to admit.
I spend most of the rest of the day exploring the house and grounds that surround it.
It really is like something out of a fairy tale, the sprawling greenery of the gardens surrounded by tall hedges, the building itself looming large against the gray sky above.
Of course, less like a fairy tale are the guards on the door, most of whom are armed and look ready to shoot given the barest hint of a reason to.
Guess I better keep my head down and hope that’s not me, huh?
By the time I reach my bedroom again, I find Nikolai waiting for me. He has been busy all day, no doubt catching up with everything that he missed while he’s been in the US.
His gaze lingers on me for a moment before he speaks, and I’m sure I can see a hint of desire there, though I might just be too hopeful for my own good. “Dinner, tonight,” he tells me. “In an hour. My father is expecting us in his private quarters.”
“Private quarters?” My eyebrows shoot up. God, it’s like something out of a historical drama.
Nikolai’s face doesn’t shift, and he nods. “Yes.”
“Uh, right,” I reply swiftly. “Guess I’ll…um, get ready then…”
I drift back to the wardrobe to find some shoes to go with the outfit I’m wearing—I’ve just been running around in sneakers today, and I doubt that’s the kind of thing his father will want to see me in.
I know it’s crazy, but I really want to make a good impression on this guy.
He’s my father-in-law, after all. And, though he might not know that his son more or less plucked me out of my life and forced me into this marriage, there’s a part of me that wants to prove that I’m as much part of this family as anyone else deserves to be.
I emerge from the bathroom a half hour or so later, after fussing with my hair until it’s somewhat under control. Nikolai is waiting for me, and I give him a little spin.
“Do I look okay?”
“You look perfect,” he murmurs, and he offers me his arm. “Come. My father doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
I take his arm and allow him to lead me down the stairs to where his father is waiting for us.
And I find myself hoping that his brother will not be joining us tonight.
I don’t know what it is about Max that rubs me the wrong way, but his presence puts my teeth on edge like nothing else.
I know he should be the least of my worries, given that I’m damn well married to a man involved in the criminal underworld, but at least Nikolai has been up-front about what he wants from me, what he expects.
His brother, on the other hand? He has been a snake, causing trouble from the second I laid eyes on him, flirting outright and clearly showing his own brother next to no respect.
When we reach his father’s quarters, I breathe a sigh of relief when I see it’s only Marcus there waiting for us.
I warm my face with a smile and go over to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
“Thank you for having us for dinner,” I tell him.
I glance to the table, which is already laden with food. “It looks wonderful.”
“Thank Marta for that,” Nikolai remarks. “My father’s no great shakes as a cook.”
Marcus chuckles, seemingly used to his son’s teasing. “Well, as long as I can provide, I think I’m keeping up with my fatherly duties,” he remarks, and he pulls out a chair for me, gesturing for me to take a seat.
I’m still unused to how it feels to have these men treat me this way, as though I’m something precious, something to be cared for at every turn.