Chapter 15 #2
We watched as the ambulance turned into the motel and I jumped out so I could monitor them.
They parked in front of Calahan’s door and rushed inside.
Then they came back out for the stretcher and a couple minutes later, they had Calahan strapped down and were pushing him out to the ambulance.
Since I could hear him complaining the whole time, following his complaints up with ‘do you know who I am,’ I assumed I hadn’t killed him.
As soon as the ambulance left, I pulled on a new set of gloves and, due to Gertie’s horror stories, donned a mask.
Then I hurried inside to check the fridge.
We’d lucked out and he’d only gone for the water so no beer run required.
But he’d drunk two, so it was probably going to be a long night for our favorite cop.
I emptied two bottles of clean water in the sink and tossed one in the trash can and the other on the floor where I’d found the tainted ones.
Then I hurried to the SUV with the tainted bottles, and we set off for the hospital.
Shadow Chaser was standing outside the office and gave us a relieved wave as we headed out.
“What if Calahan sees us at the hospital?” Ida Belle asked.
“Unless we’re standing in the bathroom with him, he won’t see us,” Gertie said. “After two doses he might not even be able to see.”
I nodded. “And besides, I’m sure there’s someone at the hospital that you know. There’s no laws against visiting.”
“Beatrice Paulson just had her corns removed,” Gertie said.
I pulled out my phone and called Cassidy.
“I’ve been waiting to hear from you,” she said when she answered.
“Harrison tipped you off.”
“He did…well, as much as he could. But all I needed to hear was this was about Calahan and I was on board. Harrison had me on speaker when Carter came in the Mudbug office with that arrogant moron. He let me listen in and it was all I could do to keep my mouth shut the way he disrespected everyone. What do you need from me?”
“He’s on his way there now with the paramedics.”
“Did you shoot him?” she asked, now sounding a bit concerned.
“Why does everyone assume I shot someone? You know what, never mind. I dosed him with some homemade laxative.”
“What’s in it?”
“Undetermined. But Gertie tried it so it probably won’t kill him. However, he had double her dosage, so it’s going to be rough.”
“Got it. I assume he ate at Francine’s as I got an earful from her yesterday as well about him, so I won’t go with food poisoning. I think maybe a suspected parasite of some sort—who knows where he picked it up.”
“Probably touched something gross then picked his nose,” Gertie said. “He looks the type.”
Cassidy laughed. “I’ll have to see the results of your handiwork before I know what tests I can order and how long I can hold him up, but dehydration alone buys you several hours in the ER since it’s not a priority.
And since you don’t know what’s in the doses, I should run some tests anyway.
That adds hours of waiting onto things. Then the paperwork bureaucracy and sheer lack of employees with a work ethic should get you at least until noon tomorrow.
I can probably get a couple more hours out of discharge paperwork. ”
“Can’t he choose to just leave?” Ida Belle said.
“Sure. But if he does so against doctor’s orders, the state police can not only refuse to allow him back on the job until proper discharge, they can also refuse to pay the bill. And to be honest, since you don’t even know what was in the doses, I need to give him a thorough checkup anyway.”
“Perfect,” I said. “We’re on our way now.”
“Here? Isn’t that risky?”
“Of course, but we want to see the show—the opening act at least.”
“I get it. The paramedics will be bringing him through the back entrance, so get a move on and come in the front. I’ll tuck you in the janitor’s closet—they just finished our area and won’t be back for a while—and make sure I put him in the room across the hall.
I can’t guarantee you’ll hear anything though. ”
“We’ll hear,” Gertie said. “He’ll be yelling.”
“Well, then I’ll threaten him with sedation, and he’ll be here even longer.”
Ida Belle passed the paramedics on the way to the hospital.
No surprise there. Cassidy met us at the entrance and escorted us to the janitor’s closet.
It was a bit of a squeeze with all three of us and the supplies, but it wasn’t as though we were taking up residence.
We all leaned against the door, waiting.
We’d only been there for a few minutes when Cassidy walked by and said, “Showtime.”
We heard the paramedics come in at the end of the hallway and Cassidy gave them instructions. Calahan was whining and complaining the entire time.
“Let’s get him cleaned up so I can see what’s going on,” Cassidy said.
“What’s going on is that woman poisoned me!” Calahan raged.
“What woman?”
“That woman who owns the café in Sinful.”
“Francine? We’ve never had anyone here because of eating there. What did you have?”
“Shrimp gumbo.”
“If it was food poisoning from the gumbo, we’d have people lined up and down the hallway. Francine always sells out on the gumbo. Do you have reason to believe you were personally targeted?”
“She doesn’t like me. I can tell.”
“I imagine she doesn’t like a lot of customers, but they don’t wind up in my ER.”
“Well, how the heck else do you explain this? I think I crapped out an ear. I’ve never had something this bad.”
“Did you consume anything after the gumbo?”
“Only bottled water.”
“Hmmm. Then it could be a parasite or something you ate set off an underlying condition. We’ll need to get you some fluids and run some tests.”
“What kind of tests?”
“Bloodwork, sonogram, and MRI to start, and I’ll get you scheduled for a colonoscopy tomorrow morning.”
“What? No way! Just give me some Gatorade and let me out of here.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t do that.”
“You’re holding me hostage?”
“Of course not. You’re free to leave, but it will be against doctor’s orders.”
“Then I want to see another doctor.”
“Great. He’ll be on shift tomorrow morning at seven. But since I’m the head of this department, I assure you, he’s going to follow the exact same protocol I’m recommending because I’m the one who wrote our protocols and I give out the raises.”
“Whatever. Then just give me my clothes back and I’ll leave.”
“Your clothes are being laundered. You’re welcome to leave in the hospital gown but we’ll be billing you fifty bucks for it.”
“Fifty bucks? That’s outrageous!”
“Complain to insurance companies. It’s their fault.
I also need to inform you that without a doctor’s release, you can’t return to work.
Until we know exactly what caused you to be so ill you sent for an ambulance, you put others at risk.
It could be a parasite…something you could spread, and trust me, I do not want to become famous for being at the center of some outbreak of a new strain of Cajun malaria. ”
“You can’t keep me from working.”
“Technically, no. But I’ll report you to your commander and they will put you on leave until you receive medical clearance.”
“This is bull—”
“Excuse me. I need to take this.”
I cracked the door and saw Cassidy in the hallway, looking at her phone. She gave me a thumbs-up and headed back in.
“That was the clerk at the motel,” she said.
“After seeing your room, he shares the same concerns I do and is now in a panic about his own health. You’re not welcome to return there until you receive clearance.
He said he’ll wrap your belongings in plastic and maybe call the EPA.
Now, if you still want to leave, you’re welcome to walk out in your gown, but it’s going to be quite a hike back to the motel for your vehicle.
There’s no Uber out this way at this hour and even if there was, I couldn’t in good conscience allow you in one.
If you have a friend that would be willing to risk picking you up, that’s always an option, or I can provide you another ambulance ride for about five thousand. How would you like to proceed?”
“This is unbelievable. Where the hell would I have picked up some parasite?”
“You work in and around the bayous, correct? I’ve seen all kinds of things in this hospital that attached themselves to humans. It’s always best to be safe, but it’s your call.”
“Whatever. Do the tests, but make them quick.”
“Of course. I’ll put you in the express lane and in the meantime, we’ll move you to a room with a private bathroom. You’re going to need it.”
I heard a door close and then Cassidy gave some instructions to the nurses. The door opened and closed again and then the door to the janitor’s closet opened and she waved us out.
“Hurry,” she said as she took off for the lobby. “I wouldn’t put it past that idiot to try to leave.”
“Thanks, Cassidy,” I said. “I owe you huge.”
Gertie nodded. “You should be an actress.”
“Oh, that wasn’t acting. Whatever you gave him already has his eyes sunk in.
I really do need to check him out. And I have to admit to a certain level of curiosity about something so obviously potent.
In smaller doses, it might really help chronic pain patients with the side effects of the opioids we prescribe. ”
She grinned and headed off in the other direction, probably to get Calahan on the schedule for the bevy of tests he was about to undergo.
We hurried down the hall, practically jog-walking, and jumped into the SUV. We barely got the doors closed before we started laughing.
“That was epic and brutal,” Gertie said. “But it sounds like we bought Carter some time.”
I nodded. “Let’s hope it was enough.”
Carter was sprawled out on the couch when I got back. There were two empty beer bottles on the table and a plate with one remaining stalk of asparagus next to it.
“How was the fish?” I asked.
“Great. I left yours in the microwave.”
“Good, because I’m starving.”
I warmed my dinner up, grabbed a beer for myself, and headed back to the living room, where I dropped into my recliner.
“I bought you some time,” I said.
He sat up. “What?”
“Time. From Calahan. Not sure how much but maybe a day.”
“Did you kill him?”
I threw my hands up. “Why is that everyone’s first thought? Of course I didn’t kill him. He’s alive and maybe not so well but being attended by Cassidy at the ER.”
“Should I even ask?”
I shrugged. “She’s afraid he might have contracted some sort of intestinal parasite working in the bayous. Even if he’s released tomorrow, he might not be getting too far from a bathroom for a while.”
“Good. God.”
“You’re welcome.”
I pulled out my cell phone. “And he might want to report some vandalism, but I’m guessing not.”
I passed him the phone and his eyes widened, then he started laughing so hard he began choking.
“Take a drink of something,” I said. “I’m not putting this fish down to give you CPR.”
He finally regained control and rose from the couch and leaned over to take my plate and put it on the table.
“How about putting it down so I can give you a kiss.”
He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips, then smiled. “I love you, Fortune Redding.”
I grinned. “I know.”