Chapter 8
The Bad Wizard was apparently also just bad at wizarding. That much was obvious from the nasty burn scars that were visible though his tattered, scorched clothing. You know, if the new blisters and reddened skin from where he’d tried to blow up my new house weren’t evidence enough.
But the thing that really proved how evil he was…
was the current state of my manicure! Some stupid instinct had sent me rushing in to see if the ugly burglar was alive.
And somehow, he’d ended up getting his nasty, explosive goo all over my hands.
My nails were ruined, the polish sticky and mostly dissolved.
It was a wonder my damned skin hadn’t burned off along with the paint. “Fuck.”
And now I was swearing, apparently. So not cute.
But what was even more distressing to my delicate, perfect pertness was the fact that I kinda wanted to pull the gangly, bungling, singed weirdo into my arms and make him promise to stop setting himself on fire for me.
So messed up.
I shook my head, backing away from the mess and into the hall, my goo-drenched hands held out before me, since I couldn’t even use them to cover my face against all the smoke.
Gray sludge dripped from the dining room ceiling, and the pretty pink floral wallpaper was absolutely ruined.
“I…don’t feel so good,” I said faintly. I batted my eyelashes at Dray and Cass in what I knew was an adorable helpless way. “I think I need to lie down.”
The Wizard of Woe pushed himself to his feet and stood swaying, a piece of his hair still smoking. “And repaint your nails, I’d imagine,” he said in a calm voice, holding out my Perfect Petal Pink polish.
Where the hell did he get my nail polish from? Had I left it down here? And damn it, I just swore again, didn’t I? Hell. I huffed at him. “Don’t think I’m going to just forget you tried to blow up my house,” I warned. “You can’t distract me.”
He shrugged and patted out the smoking strand of hair. “I’m sorry, Queen Mary Sue, Your Eliteness, Goddess Divine.” He arched a brow at me, looking all innocent. “But I’m pretty sure I saw Hedwig headed toward your room with bath salts and a big-ass tray of chocolate.”
He batted his eyelashes at me and handed me the nail polish. I frowned. My head hurt like someone was doing construction inside my skull. Probably from the stupid magic fumes or whatever. A bath did sound nice. And some chocolate. And a new manicure.
Something didn’t seem right about all of this. There was a thought niggling at the back of my mind, but it refused to materialize into anything coherent. Eh. Couldn’t be that important.
“Fine,” I said tossing my head in an elegant and queenly way. “I’ll be in my room, recovering. But you,” I pointed a nasty, ruined finger at him. “You’ll stay in your room, or I’ll let my knights beat you into submission.” I turned and headed toward the stairs. “And no more fucking magic!”
I nearly slapped a goo-covered hand over my mouth. Oh no. Why was I swearing? Fuck. I mean…fiddlesticks. My head throbbed.
After a warm bath and a perfectly delicate female-sized serving of chocolate, (What?
That tray was small.) I repainted my nails Perfect Petal Pink and collapsed into bed.
Cass and Dray were as sweet as ever, but for some reason…
I just wasn’t that into their perfectly perfectness.
I drifted off to sleep with my head on the pillow next to Cass’s, his bright blue eyes the last thing I saw before sleep took me.
Sharp, intelligent blue eyes stared into mine, challenging and playfully mocking all at once from a handsome, angular face framed in gold curls.
“Investigator?” a smooth voice said. “Seems more like thief to me.” The man had Cass’s eyes, but his face was all wrong—narrow and elfin, his expression full of wickedness and this sort of…
barely contained glee. “I could help you…but it will cost you.”
My heart pounded in my chest, and I knew my hands were sweaty.
He’d caught me red handed. But he wanted to help?
I put one hand on my narrow hip and pushed my frizzy hair back off my damp forehead with the other.
Wait? What? That wasn’t me…. “I know better than to deal with fairies,” I said calmly.
But I knew I was lying. I wanted his help. And…maybe more.
I turned, intent on running away from this stupid, confusing dream.
The weirdly too-pretty man disappeared, and someone caught my upper arms in thick-fingered brown hands.
Dray. I’d know those chocolate brown eyes anywhere!
But…no. This man was short and thick, burly and a little…
paunchy? I was pretty sure that plaid shirt didn’t hide perfect abs.
“You have to help him, witch,” he pleaded, an absolutely wretched look on his face. “Please. He’ll die.”
I drew myself up to my full height, towering over the guy. Wait…I didn’t tower. I was little and delicate and…. “Even after everything he did to you?” I said, my voice full of fury. “After how they treated you, why do you even care? Why do you put up with it?”
He bowed his head. “Because I’m not like them, Mistress Witch. I don’t wish anyone any ill will. I just want to be left alone.”
I crossed my arms over my flat chest and glared down at him. “Fine. I’ll help break the curse. On one condition.”
He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. “Anything, ma’am. Anything you want.”
“You’re coming with me when it’s done. No arguments. You don’t belong out here.”
He blinked at me in surprise and I felt myself shifting again, moving, falling through this weird dream.
This guy I recognized. The Bad Wizard Burglar stood behind a polished wood counter, surrounded by floor-to-ceiling shelves of thick-spined books bound in leather and embossed with gold and silver lettering.
A tall rack of carefully ordered glass bottles filled with a rainbow of colors sat off to one side.
“Take me with you this time, Mare? Please,” he pleaded, leaning against the counter and removing his thick glasses so I could see the earnestness in his big hazel eyes.
“Please. Think of the adventures we’d have.
I can’t stay here a second longer in this up-tight, moldering ruin of an institution. ”
I stared down at the man, completely unsurprised. I’d seen it already in a vision. He was going to be my first acquisition. My first act of theft. “I don’t know,” I said slowly. “Sounds like a lot of trouble to me.”
He hopped over the desk, remarkably agile for a stuffy book nerd who relied on magic to get things done. “Oh come off it, Mare. You already saw, didn’t you. I can come? Really?”
I felt my mouth stretch into a wide grin. “We’re going to annoy the fuck out of everyone. It’ll be glorious.”
He pulled me into a hug, his wiry arms not feeling so gross after all. Maybe even a little nice. Maybe even like home.
Pain lanced through my head and I jerked awake, moaning and griping my temples.
Fumbling for the lamp on the nightstand, I clicked it on, only to stare in shock.
The pink and gold wallpaper was faded and peeling, hanging down off the gray walls in sad streamers.
As I watched, a crack snapped across one wall, cutting through the plaster like a streak of lightning.
I turned in horror, only to get the second shock of the evening.
There were strangers in my bed. And they looked as confused and scared as I did.
“Oh, flaming fuck,” I muttered, closing my eyes. “Son of a three-toed, one-eyed whore!”
Then I sat up, my head throbbing and my long, capable fingers clutching the bedsheets like a mad woman. “I’ll fucking kill her,” I hissed.
Then I flung myself out of bed and strode toward the door on long legs and very undelicate feet. “Mel!” I bellowed, my voice carrying throughout the walls of the stupid crumbling mansion.
I needed my sorcerer. Right the fuck now.