Chapter 6
SIX
Mason
My eyes were gritty, but I couldn’t summon the motivation to rub them.
After Brooke left me, I’d staggered to the couch and collapsed onto it, and I hadn’t moved all night.
It was now mid-morning, and I should have already been in my workshop or out in the pasture fixing the water trough but moving felt impossible.
The pained expression on Brooke’s face was front and center in my mind. Tears had filled her eyes and streamed down her face. I’d known the truth would hurt her, but the absolute devastation it had caused her stabbed me in the gut.
I should have confessed from the start. If I had, we wouldn’t have developed a relationship, and it may not have hit her as hard. Instead, I’d given the bond a chance to grow. I’d even told her she was my mate. That she should be my everything. That I would protect her.
I’d done the opposite of protecting her. She was never going to be my mate; my secret about her brother was too big not to affect any chance I had at claiming her. But part of me had hoped somehow it would work. That fate hadn’t been so utterly cruel to me.
I dropped my head back and took a ragged breath. How was I supposed to move forward from this? I thought I’d already grieved the bond years ago, but now my chest was open and bleeding from a wound I hadn’t expected.
Someone knocked on my front door. I ignored it, not wanting to see anyone.
Another knock sounded, followed by Declan’s voice. “Mason? I know you’re in there.”
Damn our shifter senses. He could probably smell me. It made it impossible to hide from my brothers. “Not now. I’m taking a sick day.”
The door swung open, and Declan strode inside. I growled. “I said, Not now!”
“I’m not letting you wallow in whatever misery you’re feeling.
” He dropped onto the coffee table in front of me and rested his elbows on his knees.
“You didn’t take your eyes off Brooke last night, and she couldn’t get far enough away from you.
Did her coming bring back memories from when you were away? ”
I glowered at him, hands fisting the cushions. Not answering.
“When you first got back, we let you be. Let you work through it on your own. It was difficult watching you struggle, hearing you scream in the night when you had nightmares.” Declan’s jaw tightened.
“Dad told us just to help you transition back to the ranch. To being part of the family again. And it worked. In time, the nightmares stopped. You were you again, just older. We could tell you’d seen things that changed you, but you were our brother again. ”
He paused, throat working. “I won’t watch you go down that path again. Not if I can stop it.”
Tears burned my eyes, but I held them back. My heart still ached, but there was a soft warmth surrounding it. I wished it were as simple as letting someone stop the pain.
My voice was hoarse. “There’s nothing you can do.”
“Try me.” Declan put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “You’ve never talked to anyone about this stuff before. It might help.”
I glanced away, staring at a snag in the rug. Brooke already couldn’t look at me. If I told Declan, would I lose my brother too?
“Stop overthinking this.” Declan’s tone held the same command our dad had used when serious. “Let me take some of your burden.”
My breath shuddered. The desire to share, and maybe find a solution to everything, rose. Brooke would never allow me to claim her, but if I could lessen her pain somehow, I would do anything.
I wondered where to start, but everything jumbled in my head. So, I started with the present. “Brooke’s my mate. I’ve known since her brother’s funeral five years ago.”
Declan was silent as my words registered. Then he stood and walked to the fridge, returning with two bottles of beer. He cracked the lids and handed me one before sitting next to me on the couch. “Why haven’t you claimed her?”
I picked at the label. “I’m responsible for her brother’s death.”
He took a long sip of his beer. “Gonna need to know more about that.”
“There was a mission. Top secret. We were to go in, rescue hostages, and get them out of enemy territory.” I rolled the cool bottle between my hands. “It should have been straightforward. The intel was solid, and Aaron and I were a great team. But it went wrong almost immediately.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I went in, but the building was empty. Then there was an explosion, and everything started to collapse around me. I fell on a steel rod and couldn’t get off.”
Declan watched as I rubbed my thigh, which ached at the memory. “Aaron ran in to get me. I told him to leave. To save himself. He refused. He helped me walk, but before we got far, the wall above us fell, and he pushed me out of the way. The debris pinned him down.”
My body shook as I fought falling into the memory. I needed to keep some distance, however hard. “I dug him out, but he was unconscious. I lifted him over my shoulder and carried him past the wreckage.”
“On your injured leg?” Declan looked horrified.
“I had no choice. It took me an hour to get him back to our territory. We were almost caught several times.” I rubbed my hand against the back of my neck, and my palm, cool from holding the bottle, soothed the heated skin.
“Both our radios were broken, so I couldn’t call for help.
By the time I got him to the hospital, it was too late. His internal injuries were too severe.”
“Mason.” Declan’s voice, filled with sympathy and compassion, wrapped around me at the same time his arms did. It broke the dam within me, and I shook, sobs racking my body. He held me through it. Not speaking, just allowing me to let everything out.
I hadn’t given myself permission to cry before. Knowing once I started I would never stop. But I felt it all now. The guilt over failing my friend. The grief over his death. And losing a future with my mate. I don’t know how long I cried, but Declan stayed steady through it all.
He waited for my tears to slow before he pulled back and held my shoulders, forcing me to meet his gaze. “Mason. You didn’t kill Aaron. You did everything possible to save him.”
I shook my head. “If I hadn’t fallen on that rod, he never would have been in that building. Or if I got him to the hospital faster, they could have saved him.”
He cursed, dropping his head briefly before looking up.
“This is survivor’s guilt.” Declan was firm, though his eyes were soft.
“He made the choice to rescue you and push you out of the way. Just as you made the choice to give everything you had to save him. Your thigh should have healed. It would have if you hadn’t carried Aaron that far.
You sacrificed to save him. It’s not your fault he died. ”
I shook my head, unwilling to believe his words.
Declan squeezed my shoulders. “Did you tell Brooke this story?”
“No. But she knows enough. Vince contacted her.”
“Mason, listen to me. You are not responsible.” He blew out a heavy breath. “You need to tell Brooke everything. She needs to hear the truth from you.”
He gazed over my shoulder. “And I think you should talk to someone about this. I’m sure Katie can recommend someone.”
“I don’t think I can talk to a stranger about—”
“You need to deal with this once and for all. You can’t have it hanging over you forever.” Declan pulled me in for another hug. “We’re all here for you. Remember that. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
I tentatively put my arms around him, letting the embrace soothe the ache inside. Was he right? Was it possible I wasn’t at fault? I’d spent so long convinced of my guilt that the idea of not being responsible didn’t fit right. But if he didn’t think I was, maybe Brooke would feel the same.
The only way to find out was to tell her. If she’d ever talk to me again.
Brooke
I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to make myself move.
Nor could I sleep. I’d spent the entire night replaying every word Mason had ever said to me, attempting to poke holes in his admission.
Before Vince’s words, I’d never considered it as a possibility.
I’d just thought Mason was trying to protect me from learning my brother’s death had been painful, or that he’d been alone.
The anguish on Mason’s face told another story. Would Aaron still be alive if it weren’t for Mason?
I hugged my pillow to my chest, wishing it could hug me back, but I’d had no one to comfort me since my brother.
Except for Mason. He had held and soothed me.
His arms had felt like they belonged around me, but now I wondered if that comfort had come from my brother’s killer.
Still, my body ached for that comfort, even as my mind recoiled.
Why had he kept the pictures of Aaron and me, though? Was it to punish himself? A reminder of what he did and the pain he caused?
I struggled to reconcile the Mason I’d gotten to know over the last few days with what Vince claimed. It wasn’t like Vince was a reliable source. I’d learned more about the things he’d done since arriving at the ranch, and there wasn’t anyone here untouched by his grudge against Mason.
A grudge that I didn’t understand, even now. Was it because of Aaron’s death, or was there something else? It didn’t seem enough to cause him to slide so far into darkness.
Also, if Mason were responsible, why was he discharged with honors?
If the military believed he’d killed a fellow soldier, there should have been an inquiry, or a stain on his record.
But there wasn’t. I was so confused. I didn’t know where one thought ended and the next started.
Everything just looped together into one enormous ball of not knowing.
The burner cell rang, buzzing and bumping on the nightstand. I stared at it, debating whether to answer or not. I didn’t trust Vince, but I no longer knew if I could trust Mason, and I still wanted answers. I grabbed the cell just before it cut off. “Hello.”
“Have you thought more about meeting with me?” Vince wasted no time.
I held my breath for a moment as I considered my response. “Why won’t you tell me over the phone?”
“You won’t believe me without proof.”
My heart thudded. “You have proof?”
“Of course.”
“But if there’s evidence, why would the military have discharged Mason with honors? Why wouldn’t they have held him accountable?” My throat closed, forcing my voice to come out thin and breathless.
Vince huffed. “It was a classified mission. They wanted nothing about it to get out, so they covered it up.”
I stood and paced the floor. It sounded plausible, but I still didn’t trust him, and there was no way to verify his story without seeing his proof.
“Aaron deserves to have the truth known.” Vince’s tone was bitter. “Mason has covered it up for too long, living his life as if he did nothing wrong. It’s not right.”
My insides twisted into knots as his words hit me.
He had a point about Aaron, but his words about Mason felt wrong.
I didn’t think he’d fully been living. His eyes, haunted at the mere mention of Aaron.
How he rubbed his thigh when he spoke about him.
And if I understood how shifters felt about their fated mates, it would have been near impossible for him to walk away from me, let alone stay away.
He could have introduced himself at the funeral and offered comfort. Then used his relationship with Aaron to build one with me. If my attraction to him had been half as strong then as it was when I first met him, he could have easily managed it. He hadn’t done that. He’d given up his mate instead.
I suspected the truth wasn’t as black and white as Vince was making it out to be. Still, if he had evidence, I wanted to see it and judge for myself.
“Where are you?”
“I’ll send you the GPS coordinates.” Vince’s satisfaction was obvious and grated on me.
The phone dinged with a text, and I put the coordinates into my phone. The meeting location was two hours away in a large, wooded area called Blackwater Pines. I studied the map, making my plan before responding to him. “I’ll be there in four hours.”
“It won’t take that long.”
“I need to slip away without anyone knowing. They’ll be expecting me at lunch.” I held my breath, hoping he’d believe me.
His pause was long; if it weren’t for his breathing, I’d wonder if he’d hung up on me. Finally, he spoke. “Four hours, then.”
The line went dead. I rushed to my suitcase, tossing my clothes out piece by piece until I found the ones that would blend in best with the wooded area. My brown hiking boots were heavy and would slow me down, but I judged them to be a better choice for the terrain than my sneakers.
I debated leaving a note so someone would know where I’d gone, but I didn’t want anyone to stop me. In the end, I scribbled a note about meeting Vince but didn’t include the location.
Then, I slid my lock picks into my pocket, just in case, and grabbed Aaron’s pocketknife. I’d kept it close by since the military had returned his things but had never had cause to use it. I hoped I wouldn’t need it now, but I wasn’t leaving anything I could control to chance.
If Vince thought I was an easy mark who would play his game, he was very wrong.