Chapter 51 Taera
Taera
I’m supposed to rest. I tell myself that as I sit in class with my knee bouncing up and down. I avoid looking at Nikolai for fear of my heart hammering right out of my chest.
How am I supposed to think about anything else? I try not to hyperventilate about what’s going to happen this weekend. But the anticipation crawls like ants down my arms. Jezebel and her mob continue to laugh at me and make snide remarks, but I’m too distracted to care.
Days creep past.
“Shouldn’t I be practicing or something?” I ask him. “What about those meditations? Wouldn’t that help?”
“No,” he says. “Rest your magic.”
Doing nothing is agony. I try to piece together what we’re learning in class, but none of it makes sense. I have no idea how Nikolai is going to prepare me for exams next week. I don’t even know if he’s planning to.
I’m granted a small reprieve from my anxious boredom when Omi approaches me one afternoon and hands me an envelope.
“What’s this?” I ask.
“Your reply.” They smile.
I clutch the envelope. I didn’t realize my family could write back. The rough parchment feels like a lifeline to the past. Confused guilt churns in my stomach. I haven’t thought about them in days.
“Thank you,” I say.
Omi nods, turning to leave, and I catch their shoulder. I’m ashamed of asking so much from Omi when I haven’t offered anything in return.
“Can I pay you back? With magic?”
A small smile spreads across their oval face and their eyes crinkle.
“Rest your magic,” they say. “There’s no rush.”
“Thank you for this. Really.”
I rush back to Nikolai’s room, seating myself on my mat as I slip open the envelope. I read over the contents twice before tears well in my eyes.
Gramps and Ez have so many questions I can’t answer. They’re terrified, with no idea of where I’ve gone or when I’ll return. It’s been over two weeks now, longer than we’ve ever been apart. I don’t know how to reassure them. I can’t mention magic, or magicians, or the Halls of Glass.
At least they know I’m alive.
I stand up again, anxious to do something.
My wages back at home have long run out.
But there’s no mention of money troubles in their letter, only concern for me.
Which means one of two things: Gramps is trying to work again, or Ezran has stopped going to school to provide for them.
I don’t know if there’s enough food on the table, or if someone new in the apothecary is preparing Gramps’s medicine—or how they would even pay for it.
If only I had money to send to them, to help. Anything other than the useless magic in my veins. The only ideas I have to try to help them are dangerous ones that Nikolai would never approve of, and my track record is terrible. I groan, scuffing my feet along the floor.
Nikolai returns to his chambers after dark. I’m still awake, staring out the window at the endless dunes lit by starlight. I wish I could make out the edge—the shapes of my village. Next to this sea of sand, I feel tiny. Helpless.
“What are you looking at?” he says.
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
He sorts the contents of his desk, but his presence doesn’t bother me. Things have been strangely… civil between us since we made our deal.
“There’s nothing I can work on?” I ask again. “Even the textbook exercises?”
“No, you have to—”
“Rest my magic, I know.” I turn away from him.
“What’s going on?” he says.
“I heard back from my family,” I say quietly. Not that he deserves to know, after he refused to send my letter. But maybe I can appeal to the part of him that cares about his sister. “They need me. Without my work at the apothecary, I don’t know if they have enough to…”
What can I possibly tell them? Lies? My mouth is bitter just thinking about it. And now there’s nothing I can do except wait and hope Nikolai is telling the truth this time about helping me.
A sands-cursed magician is my lifeline.
Nikolai moves and sits cross-legged on his bed. “A lot of magicians support their families.”
I look over at him.
“Their families don’t always know. They wouldn’t accept the money if they knew where it came from. They’d call it cursed.”
“Desert-cursed,” I murmur. But my heart kicks against my ribs. I bite the inside of my cheek to stay quiet, hoping he’ll say more.
“I think Omi sends money to someone,” Nikolai says.
Replying to my family suddenly feels less pressing if I can find a way to take care of them.
“How can I do it?” I say. “Make money to send to them?”
Nikolai gives me a wry smile. “You aren’t going to let this go, are you?”
I set my jaw, shaking my head. Even if he doesn’t help me, I’ll find a way.
“Give me three days,” he says. “I’ll find something for you.”
I huff. “I can’t wait for—”
“Taera.” His tone is firm. “Do not do anything colossally stupid this time. I’ve already agreed to help you.”
I exhale slowly. “Okay.”
“Goodnight,” Nikolai says. “I have some people I can talk to.”
“Thanks,” I grumble. “Night.”