Chapter 53 Taera
Taera
Isink into the edge of the bed, thankfully alone. It takes a moment for my brain to catch up and register where I’m sitting, and then I jerk back to my feet, moving to my mat in the corner. Sitting on Nikolai’s bed seems inappropriate, even after kissing in front of the whole school.
I put my head in my hands. My skin is still humming from his touch, my lips sensitive from the kiss… I make myself stand up again, walking aimlessly around the room.
I don’t know how I thought I could handle this.
I can’t want Nikolai. I can’t. I’ve seen him lie; I’ve seen him be cruel.
He taunted me and threatened me. He got another student expelled, and he only kissed me because he wants my magic.
I have to remember that. He’s an illusionist, for desert’s sake.
But that word is starting to lose its meaning.
A single kiss—well, two, so three in total now—has me losing my senses. I could back out of our deal, but there’s only a few days left until exams, and it means a difference of years. I have to pull myself together. He’s not my friend.
I sit on my mat and try to breathe, to meditate. The moment I find a sliver of stillness, a knock at the door snaps it in half.
Suspicion seizes me. What if it’s Jezebel, here to knock my teeth out for what I did? Or worse, what if it’s Annie, and I have to lie to her? I don’t know if I have it in me to lie to her face.
I stay perfectly still, not making a sound. The knock sounds again, then the door handle jiggles. When the door stays closed, I allow myself to exhale.
“Taera?” Omi’s voice calls out. “Are you here? Niko sent me.”
I clamber up and rush to the door, my hand reaching out to open it. I freeze. I should know better than to trust the sound of a voice.
“How do I know it’s you?” I call out, my hand resting on the handle.
So-called Omi is quiet for a moment. “You sent a letter to your family, and they sent one back. You’re trying to find a way to pass your exams, even though no one thinks it’s possible. Before that, you tried to escape, and because of me you were almost drained.”
I yank open the door, pulling Omi into a hug.
“Oof,” they chuckle as I knock the breath out of them.
“That wasn’t because of you. I was stupid,” I say, before releasing them. “Thanks for trying to help me when no one else did.”
Omi gives me a concerned smile. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head, trying to prove it to myself. Then, I worry. “Nikolai sent you?”
“Yes.” Their smile grows, eyes twinkling. “It was a bit tricky, but I talked to Glassmaster Anita, and I think I got you a position.”
I just stare at them. “What?”
“I do shifts in the Healers’ Hall. Nikolai asked if I could use an extra set of hands. He said you were interested.”
“He said that?”
“Well”—Omi gives me an apologetic look—“he said he didn’t want you to do something reckless instead.”
I smile. He really did follow through for me. Just when I was trying to stop thinking about him.
“I know it isn’t glamorous, and it doesn’t pay much. It would be in place of your afternoon classes, so if you don’t—”
“I would be honored to work with you,” I exclaim, hugging them again. “Thank you so, so much.”
“Don’t—don’t worry about it,” Omi mumbles, patting my shoulder. When I finally pull away, I can’t hold back a sniffle.
“Is something wrong?” They appear petrified.
“It’s been a crazy day,” I mutter.
“Want to talk about it?”
I shake my head.
“Okay, well.” Omi gives me another awkward smile. “Can I come find you tomorrow after lunch? Then I’ll show you what you’ll be doing.”
“That would be perfect,” I say.
Omi skitters away before I can hug them again, opting for an awkward wave instead. I laugh to myself, but excitement pools as I think about the Healers’ Hall. Maybe I’ll find answers to questions I never thought I would solve—like desert sickness.
I lean back against the inside of the door.
Just when I’ve hardened my heart against him—cut out the feelings I shouldn’t be having—he finds me the job I’ve always wanted.
This version of him grates unsettlingly against the conniving, heartless Nikolai who laughs when I’m in pain and is obsessed with lies and secrets.
I don’t know which one is the mask.