Chapter 79 Taera
Taera
It’s sobering—and all too real—to roll away until my village is no longer in sight. I’m both ecstatic and terrified.
Nikolai sits across from me, gaze flicking to me now and then like he’s afraid to look directly for too long.
He doesn’t speak. Neither do I. But the silence feels like a wound we’re both pretending not to prod.
I’m not ready to confront him about how the intimacy between us shattered so spectacularly.
How I asked for more, and he pulled away.
He eventually takes out a mirror, one I recognize even in the darkness—a slice missing—and my itch for answers overcomes our mutual pact of silence.
“Why did you want it so badly?” I nod to the relic in his hands.
His thumb traces the fractured seam. “It’s going to solve everything.”
“Solve what?”
He doesn’t reply. I helped him piece the relic back together; I deserve to know.
“What do you see when you look into it?”
“It teaches a language that’s been forgotten. One that will lead me to the true center of the labyrinth,” he answers in the growing darkness. Not even a moon lights the desert tonight. Chills spread up my neck.
“What’s at the center?”
He doesn’t respond, and I know I’ve hit the limit of what Nikolai will tell me. There’s always a limit. I swallow, wanting to face whatever’s between us.
Like a magician, I don’t begin directly. “What will it be like when I’m back, between us?”
“What do you mean?” He’s not even willing to say it.
I cross my arms and wait for him to say more.
Eventually, he sighs. “Your magic is valuable, but I won’t hold you to our deal. Not after how I acted last night.”
“Our deal?” I breathe.
“To pretend to be together.”
Excitement quivers in my stomach, even though it shouldn’t. He isn’t offering a real relationship. But even knowing that, I still crave the lie. I hate my own weakness.
“There will be others who can protect you,” he mutters. “Who can teach you.”
“Instead of you?” If I had any sense of self-preservation, I would stop. But I want everything he’s willing to give me, even if it’s not enough. “But, you agreed. To keep me safe.”
His throat bobs. “That was before—”
“Before what?” I demand, glaring right into his tormented green eyes.
He flinches, and I press my lips together to suppress the hurt that lodges deep. He won’t even say it.
I fumble with my necklace, untying it and holding it out. “Here.”
“What?”
“You said you’d keep the pendant safe for me, too,” I murmur. “I don’t want the Glassmasters to take it away again.”
He pinches his eyes shut, looking pained. “Keep it.”
“But I don’t—”
“Its nature will keep it safe, and it’ll keep you safe. That way, if you change your mind, you can leave.” He won’t meet my eyes.
I recoil. We’re not even back at the Halls, and he’s hinting I should leave again? I hardly recognize this magician.
“Will we keep pretending we’re together?” I finally ask.
His jaw tightens, and it’s several seconds before he speaks. “Taera—”
“To keep me safe.” I clear my throat.
He grimaces. “If that’s what you want.”
My heart skips, trying to leap while also sagging.
I shouldn’t do this to myself—shouldn’t accept a facade in lieu of real affection.
Something he only offers out of duty or guilt.
But I can’t stand the thought of losing even the shadow of what we had.
This can’t be all he’s capable of. I refuse to believe it.
“Okay. We’ll keep pretending,” I say, imitating his coolest, most indifferent mask.