Chapter 88 Taera
Taera
Nikolai has lied to me before, and I’m not naive enough to think he’s been perfectly honest ever since. He’s an illusionist. But I still want to trust him, which is more than I can say about Jezebel.
“Don’t believe a word she says,” Nikolai murmurs. I look up to find him eyeing Jezebel. The tension in his body agitates my nerves. Is there something he hasn’t told me?
“I’ll give you one minute,” I say to Jezebel.
She smirks but doesn’t waste time.
“He saved you, you said?” Her eyes are cruel.
“Yes.”
“From what, exactly?”
“Another magician.” I frown. “Who could have drained my magic.”
“And then I suppose it was too dangerous for you to leave—” she continues.
“Belle…” Nikolai says. His interruption rattles me. He shouldn’t care what Jezebel says if he doesn’t have anything to hide, right?
“It was too dangerous,” I whisper.
She chuckles. “You never suspected he might only want you for your power?”
“I offered Nikolai my power for his…” I cut myself off. “He didn’t trick me into it; he hasn’t even taken much of my magic.”
Jezebel tilts her head back and laughs. “Sweetheart, he’s taken more than you can imagine.”
“He hasn’t,” I growl.
“Maybe he hasn’t taken it outright, but he doesn’t need to.” Her smile is something vicious. “He’s been stealing it all along. Every casual brush of your skin, every affectionate touch…”
I shake my head. “He wouldn’t.”
“His desk is full of amulets.” Her feline eyes twinkle. “Those are the kind you use and lose, that you can fill without the source even noticing.”
“He’s always had those,” I say, remembering when I first broke into his desk.
“Oh, but they’re fresh. I checked. So either he’s been stealing your magic, or he’s been in another source’s bed. Take your pick.”
It’s like I’ve been slapped. Nikolai wouldn’t do that, would he? His lips are pressed tightly together as he watches Jezebel. And even if he stole my magic, I have plenty to spare. It doesn’t bother me that much. It just hurts he wouldn’t ask me directly.
“It gets worse.” Jezebel’s smile is razor-thin. “Because he’s obsessed with being the hero.”
“What do you mean?” I say. I might be walking straight into a trap, but I can’t help myself.
“Always saving you. Just like he could never save his bitch of a—”
“Jezebel, don’t.” Nikolai’s voice wrenches out of him.
She only looks at him, her eyes as hard as the jewels that line her bodice like armor. She wants a fight. Slowly, she looks back at me.
“You were never in any danger, leaving the Halls.”
“But, my magic—”
“It takes less than a week to learn to dispel excess magic,” Jezebel says. “But somewhere in that week, he decided you might be useful to him.”
“That’s not true. Nikolai hated me. He—”
“Did the textbook he gave you even mention dispelling magic?”
“He wouldn’t lie about that,” I say, then remember how Nikolai enchanted another book right in front of Master Koroy’s eyes, to make it look like another. But I’m still shaking my head. “He wouldn’t have kept me here. He knows how much I wanted to go home, how—”
“How you were a miserable outcast, willing to seek out even me to try to escape?” Jezebel raises her brows. “If you don’t think Nikolai is capable of making you suffer like that, you don’t know him.”
“No,” I say. “Someone would have told me.”
“Silence can be bought. Friends can be bought. And it’s not like he was lacking in power to pay them, once he had you.”
I scan the crowd, and my eyes find Omi, who cringes and looks away.
I stare at them, no longer knowing my friend at all.
It hadn’t occurred to me they were capable of lying like the rest of them—the thought that Omi was also deceiving me hadn’t crossed my mind.
But of course Omi would lie, and Annie. They’re magicians, too.
It takes me forever to draw my eyes back to the magician whose betrayal hurts the most. Even though we’re still holding hands, he feels miles away.
“No,” I whisper. “She’s lying. There was that stupid marble, from the labyrinth, that told the truth. I asked you how long I had to stay here in the Halls, and you said it would take years.”
“You asked me…” Nikolai’s voice is rough, and he swallows. “How long it would take to learn magic.”
My stomach drops. I stare at him, at a loss for words. Slowly, I make my jaw work. “You tricked me. Using my own words.”
For some reason, his silence is worse than anything that could pour out of Jezebel’s mouth. The entire month I spent trapped in this place, struggling to survive… It was because of Nikolai. He kept me here as a play for my power. And it worked.
I clap a hand over my mouth. When he told me I could go home and how Mom’s pendant would keep me safe, I thought it was a gift. I thought it had been special, not something he’d kept from me from the beginning.
“Why would he teach you to dispel your magic when he could take it for himself?” Jezebel says. “That’s all he ever wanted from you: your power.”
My hands are quivering. But despite everything Jezebel says, despite Nikolai’s admission and the shame on Omi’s face, I refuse to believe it meant nothing.
Even if Nikolai used me, and manipulated me, at least some of what was between us was real.
Parts of it may have been an illusion, but I know, I know he cares about me, even if it’s in his own twisted way.
He wouldn’t have taken me to see the night sky, or to visit his family.
He wouldn’t have taken me back to my village.
Unless he already knew I would choose to go with him back to the Halls. I shake my head, denying it.
“It wasn’t all a lie,” I whisper, half to myself.
“That’s the worst part.” Jezebel’s voice has lost its cruel edge, as though what she’s about to say is punishment enough. “You think you’re special. You think he’s shown you more of himself than anyone else. You still think you can reach him. Save him.”
I don’t want to hear any more. I preferred the beautiful world of lies. Yet, like a moth fluttering over endless, scorching sand, I can’t help but fall toward the truth.
“It’s always the same story,” Jezebel says.
She takes a step toward me, lowering her voice so that the watching magicians can’t hear.
“You hear the name, and at first you’re jealous because you don’t know who she is.
Then he tells you it’s his sister. That she’s just a child.
That he loves her more than anything in the world. ”
“He does.” My voice cracks. I hate hearing Jezebel talk about Hazel like this. I hate even more that I can’t stop listening.
“Eventually, he tells you her magic was stolen, and how much she suffers without it. You realize how every terrible thing he’s done has been for Hazel. But he doesn’t spell it out, he lets you figure out the next part on your own. It’s your magic that can save her.”
The ballroom spins.
Jezebel whispers, “You’ve given yourself to him completely. You’ll do anything to help his sister. Because it’s not just Hazel you want to save. It’s him.”
My knees threaten to collapse, but my words come forth on their own. “How—how do you know this?”
Jezebel’s voice is harsh, like it’s an admission she’s not proud of. “It’s how he charmed all of them. You weren’t the first, and you won’t be the last source that Nikolai saves. He told me the same story.”