Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Cosette
I’m a bundle of raw nerves and energy when we get to the car.
Not long ago, I was afraid someone would attack us. Now that’s the furthest thing from my mind.
My belly churns with nausea, and this time, it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m pregnant.
Savannah. I have to face Savannah.
Savannah’s a ray of sunshine to everyone and anyone she meets, not as serious as her older sister Nicolette. But this family is loyal and protective and God if I didn’t fuck her over so hard.
I want to weep and vomit and run.
Lyam takes my hand.
I draw in a deep breath.
He leans me against the door and frames me in, my back to the car and his hand on my cheek. “Listen to me. Are you listening to me?”
I nod and swallow and feel my breath come a bit easier. “Yes.”
“They are going to love you. Do you hear me? Love you.”
I nod. I hear the words, but I don’t feel them. It’s like I’m thirsty and he’s pouring the water right over my head, drowning me but not satisfying my thirst at all.
“You don’t look like you believe me,” he says with a twinkle in his eye. “Do you?”
“I betrayed her so badly,” I say on a hoarse whisper. “I can’t… I can’t make that go away.”
“Change the past? No, baby, you can’t. None of us can. I can get you palmier in the middle of the night or the biggest diamond ring you’ve ever seen, and fly you in a private jet to Hawaii, but even I can’t change the past.”
Did he just say diamond ring?
Wait, no, I have to stay focused here. “Right.”
“But you can change tomorrow,” he reminds me wisely. “You’re gonna go in there with me. You’re gonna talk to Savannah. I’ll make sure my brother isn’t an asshole, and then after that hard part’s over, we’ll tell Maman the news. Okay?”
I swallow and nod. “Okay. When did you get so smart?”
“Goddamn, it took a lot of hard knocks,” he says with that sheepish expression he gets sometimes that makes him look like a boy. I get up on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek.
“Thank you. And Lyam?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Can we really do that Hawaii thing sometime?” I’ve always wanted to go since I was a kid and read an article about the crystal-clear water, white beaches, and fruit ripe for the picking.
He gives me a peck on the cheek before I slide into the passenger seat. “You’ve got it.”
I don’t mention the diamond ring.
But I don’t forget it either.
We’re quiet the rest of the way there. He’s obviously deep in thought, and I’m not sure about what, but I know he’s like this. He gets all broody and serious sometimes, but it’s all good. I don’t mind it. I know it’s his process.
As for me, I like just watching him drive. There’s something incredibly sexy about the way he’s so damn efficient and skilled. He navigates the windy roads, traffic downtown, a detour down a side street. It’s kind of amazing to see how fast we can drive while still being totally safe.
I wonder if when he drives me to the hospital because I’m in the throes of labor he’ll drive like this, or will he let something finally ruffle him a little?
The idea amuses me. I smile and look out the window and have completely forgotten my nerves about meeting up with Savannah and Thayer until I see the familiar gate that borders the Gerard family home ahead of us.
I’ve always loved this home. It’s beautiful and majestic without being pompous. I also feel welcome when I come here which has everything to do with his mother, who’s currently standing on the front step waving excitedly at us when we pull up.
“How much have you told her?”
“About what?” he asks as he waves off a uniformed man who looks like he wants to take his keys. As soon as he sees the driver’s Lyam, he backs off with profuse apologies. I stifle a giggle. They all know Lyam likes to drive his own cars.
“About… me.”
I remember how she was back at his house. I remember how she blew me a kiss and found me a doctor. How badly I wanted to talk to her.
“She knows our circumstances have changed. Maman doesn’t like knowing too many details and we honor that.”
Understandable.
“Oh, Cosette, you look lovely!” Avril practically claps her hands. For someone who’s old enough to be my mother, too, I swear she could pass for my sister.
A little bit of my fear dissipates at the honest, warm welcome from her.
I imagine what it would be like coming here with a little baby on my shoulder. A ring on my finger. The Gerard family name?
A part of me wants to run.
Danger, danger! My instincts to run war with my need to be loved and my craving for approval. I want to hide from the authenticity of it all.
I fear that getting close to them will make me too vulnerable. I know this, and yet it doesn’t make it any easier to take that step once again.
A part of me wanted to hide so that I’d have this baby alone. But even then, the thought of that kind of isolation makes me sick to my stomach.
Lyam’s talking to the driver when I reach Avril. She extends her arms for a hug, and I eagerly hug her back.
Tears spring to my eyes when she holds me tightly. I feel her warmth and her acceptance, and I yearn to have the love of a mother like her. My mother did her best, but I was never good enough for her. And my father…
“I’m so glad you two are in a better place,” she whispers. “My sons can be so harsh sometimes, and I can’t talk sense into them.” She shakes her head. “I know it comes from being loyal, but still.” Rolling her eyes, she lets me go and squeezes my hand. “You know.”
Boy, do I know.
“Ohhh, yes,” I agree, just as a second car pulls up.
I want to tell Avril that I deserved being taken prisoner. I’m still riddled with guilt for what I did, but I’m ashamed to admit it out loud. I don’t know what to say or do but I know that I have to face the next hard thing with courage.
The car that pulled up has a driver, but I suspect it’s Thayer and Savannah.
I’m not wrong.
Avril takes one look at me as Lyam climbs the step beside me.
“Are you alright?” she asks.
“Inside.” His voice holds a note of unquestionable authority, leaving no room for debate. “We’ll see them in a minute.”
I let him lead me inside. Avril hurries back to the door to greet the other two.
Lyam and I stand in the foyer, my belly roiling with nerves and fear.
His forehead touches mine. Our palms meet, our fingers lace together.
“It’s gonna be okay.”
My nose tingles and my vision goes blurry. I try to clear my throat to counteract the tightness, but I can’t. My heart is racing and my body feels strangely tense and on edge.
“Cosette.” I snap to attention at the sharp tone of his voice and pull away, staring into his eyes.
“You listen to me.”
My heart beats even faster, my body trained to obey him on command. I nod, swallowing, when his index finger lifts my chin.
“You had a choice between two terrible things. You made the better of the two choices. So you stop right this minute beating yourself up for what you did. There isn’t a person in this family who hasn’t been in that exact position.
That’s life, baby. Sometimes you’re faced with a hard choice and a harder choice.
Sometimes those choices you’re forced to make will put your heart in a vise and squeeze it.
Sometimes, it’ll kick you down and you’ll have to claw your way back up to the top.
But you listen to me. The key isn’t avoiding the fall.
That’s inevitable. The key is getting back up. ”
I hear the truth in his words. I feel them. And I know then that no one will ever understand me the way this harsh, broken man does. Because I’ve had to claw my way back up and he gets that.
And damn if it doesn’t make me love him.
“Thank you,” I whisper, as the front door opens and Thayer and Savannah walk in.
I gather up every bit of my strength and turn around to face them.
Thayer, stern and commanding and known to be ruthless, doesn’t look at me but straight to Lyam. The two of them have a silent battle only they understand, but it isn’t lost on any of us. Avril wrings her hands and mutters something about checking in with her kitchen staff. Savannah straightens.
“Okay, then, so while you two do whatever the hell it is you have to do, Cosette and I are going to have a private talk.” She looks to me, not smiling but still welcoming. “Come with me, Cosette, will you?”
“I’ll join you,” Thayer says, but Savannah puts her hand up on his chest.
“Honey, not this time. Please give us a little space, okay? We’ll be right out that door and you can see us, but I want to speak privately to her.”
Thayer growls and takes a step toward us, but Lyam grabs his arm.
“Stay.”
Thayer swings around to him but Savannah goes between them and kisses his cheek. She whispers something in his ear that makes his face soften, and he finally nods.
She’ll have to teach me that one.
I still feel sick. When we’re outside alone, my nerves get the better of me.
“Thayer said you wanted to talk to me. I know you were taken into custody, and I know that Lyam says you’re trustworthy, but I don’t know much else. Anything you want to tell me?”
I look her in the eyes and nod. “Two things. First, I’m sorry. So sorry. Second.” I draw in a breath. “I’m pregnant.”
And then it all comes out in a rush. While she stares at me with wide eyes, her mouth gently parted, I tell her everything. She listens, and when I’m done, she stands, walks over to me, and like Avril… hugs me.
“Me too,” she says softly. “I’m pregnant, too. Aw, it’s gonna be so cool that we don’t have to do this alone. Will you come back to Le Luxe? I know you might not want to right now but we’re staying there for a while.”
“I honestly don’t know where we’re going but I think we may stay in Paris for a bit.”
She nods. “Of course, I understand. We’re here all the time anyway. And I like to stay close to Avril.”
“I can understand that totally.”
“I can’t believe they threatened you like that. Even then, when you betrayed us, you told me you were sorry. I knew you were under duress, but I had no idea why.”
I feel so much lighter. I feel so much more at ease.