11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Luna
I close my door with the care of someone on a bomb squad, turning the handle in slow motion to avoid a cavernous click. No one in my family would find it all that strange that I’m going to Finn’s bedroom. It’s Finn! We’re friends! Everything’s fine! But at this late hour, I don’t want to invite questions.
My socks dull my steps as I tiptoe past the living room. The plush sofas and recliners face the window, but the soft glare from the lamp makes anything beyond the glass a sea of darkness and constellations.
The villa has two bedrooms on the first floor, one on either side of the common spaces, and three more upstairs. Finn sleeps at the exact opposite end of the house, so as I turn the corner and ascend the stairs, I’m almost home free.
Finn and I have had so much unplanned time together on this trip, but ever since dinner the other night, finding moments alone with him has become impossible. I had a jog around the island this morning with Dad and lunch with the girls, and Finn had his own calendar of invites and activities. That’s the whole point of this vacation—to be with my family. But after a Jurassic Park viewing and everyone retiring to their rooms, all I’ve done is lay in bed in my pajamas and text Finn.
You never replied to my photo this afternoon.
That pic put me in more than one uncomfortable position requiring carefully placed props to…hide things , he wrote back.
The reminder of how hard, how big he was when I leaped onto his lap the other night made me ache, which had me throwing off my covers and making like a secret agent to his door. To ensure I wasn’t looking too deeply into his response, I also sent a lightning-fast confirmation text to my best friend, Genevieve.
If his reply isn’t code for “I have a raging boner thinking of you topless and want to do all the things to you,” then I don’t know what is. She also messaged a string of eggplant emoji and a photo of her making a thumbs up while holding my cat, Newman.
She’s right. If I want to keep Finn’s feelings from fading, now’s not the time to play coy.
With my knuckle, I tap three times on his door like it’s made of tissue paper. I only hear the shuffle of his feet as he answers and the entrance cracks open. Finn looks edible—shirtless and in a thin pair of sleep shorts, the planes of his stomach leading to the dark trail of hair below his belly button. His hand travels across his bearded jaw, eyes widening in surprise at me standing there.
I hold a finger to my lips and slither into the room.
“Hey.”
“Hey, yourself,” I purr. I give him a second to soak in the sight of my pajamas—an oversized tee that fits more like a dress—before turning the lock and pouncing. My breasts mold against Finn’s solid torso as I bury my mouth in his jawline. His skin has the sharp, refreshing lemongrass scent of the resort’s body wash. I reach for one of his hands and guide it up my thigh.
“What are you doing?”
“Seducing you,” I say on a giggle. “C’mon.” With my hand latched around his neck, I walk backward toward his bed and trail him behind like a fish on a line. With the roughness of his scruff on my face, I coax his mouth open with my own. Minty, strong, familiar. “I want you inside me,” I manage in between suffocating him with kisses.
“What?”
One of my hands toys with his waistband, and he sucks in a breath.
“Lou, wait.” He pushes me back by my shoulders. “Stop. I—We shouldn’t do this tonight.”
“I can be quiet, I promise.”
“It’s not that.”
“You—” I take a step away from him like a wounded animal. “You don’t want to sleep with me? But…yesterday…and the photo. And your text.”
He leads me to the edge of the bed. Once I sit, Finn kneels in front of me, a firm hand on each of my thighs.
“Why’d you come here tonight?”
I give him a flat, unamused look. “To have sex. Obviously.”
“Is that what you want, or what you think I want?” He pauses, letting the question sink in. “And the photo. Don’t get me wrong, that was nice. But I’ll remember how attracted I am to you whether you sext me or not.”
“I’m allowed to want to do things for you. To give you what you want.”
“Of course.” His voice is low, enticing. This would be so much easier if he’d push me back on the bed and have his way with me. “But our first time together shouldn’t be all about that. I told you I want to savor you, and I meant it. To learn about you, so I can be enough for you.”
I let his words sink in. “And how long have you wanted this?”
“I’m gonna practice some self-preservation here.” He bites back a smirk and sighs. “A while.”
His thumbs stroke my thighs in tender caresses, and my vision goes blurry.
“What’s wrong?” Finn asks.
“Nothing, it’s just…” I force a smile through my sniffles. “I’d hate to disappoint you.”
“What makes you believe you would?”
“With Tanner, I’m glad he and I didn’t work out. I am. But it’s like his infidelity has sent me down a path of second-guessing myself. I was an amazing girlfriend. Amazing.”
“I know.”
“I was branching off with my own business, wearing cute outfits and looking put together all the time, having a social life and hobbies, and—” I leave out the part about blowjobs whenever my ex wanted, since I doubt Finn would love hearing that. “But I still couldn’t keep his attention.”
“Well, I promise you, I won’t lose interest in you if we’re not having sex. I could never get bored with you.”
“But what if I’m not what you really want?”
“You are, all the time. You’re flawless. When you show up for a flight with a fresh blowout and you’re crushing things at work. But also when work’s crushing you.” His comment causes me to chuckle, and he swipes away a tear trailing down my cheek. “When life’s a mess or you’re sad but you don’t want to talk about it and you want to curl up on the couch and watch those depressing movies you like so much. You’re perfect in all of those scenarios, even if you don’t think you are.”
I lean forward and kiss him—not because I think he’s expecting it, but because Finn’s genuinely the sweetest, most amazing man to me, and my body yearns for his mouth on my own. Thank you, Finn. Thank you for being you.
Our connection deepens, with neither of us pulling away. Finn treats my body with reverence, but not like I’m fragile. He kisses me as if he hopes to make a map of my body with his lips, sucking my skin, grazing his teeth down my neck, and latching onto my lower lip with a playful bite. In return, my hands roam over his pecs and his back, my fingers trail through his hair, and my body molds to his. A perfect fit—a vortex of limbs and fervor and lightness.
I moan into him as he grips my ass and gives it a squeeze. “I love that.”
“Are you not wearing underwear?” His palms open, then close again on my butt to confirm. “Fuck.” He rests his head against my shoulder, like I’ve embarrassed him with my forwardness.
“What?”
“You don’t understand what you do to me.” When he looks up, his cheeks have an adorable splash of red on them.
“You can squeeze all you want.”
“I intend to.” His mouth angles up on one side, and he admires me like I’ve created heaven and earth. “Luna, I—” Finn looks like he wants to say something, but he shifts forward and kisses me again.
I brush my fingers through his hair, enjoying this disheveled, breathless version of him. “So no sex tonight?”
“You’re wearing my resolve down with the no panties thing.”
“Not guilty,” I say, to which he laughs. “No, you’re right, it should be…We should both want it, for the right reasons.”
“If you want, we can do other things.”
“Like what?”
His eyes darken and his voice goes lower. “You could stay, get comfortable, and take care of yourself here. And I’ll get to watch.”
“You’d like that?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I want to see what you like.”
I’ve never had a partner ask for a private viewing of me touching myself. Imagining the scene makes my mouth go dry, and a pit of desire forms in my stomach. The thought of Finn studying what works for me so he can better please me in the future…
Yeah, I want that.
Finn stacks pillows at the top of the bed for me to rest against. “Where do you want me?”
“Um.”
“Next to you?”
“No, there,” I say, using my chin to point to the spot by my feet. “Laying sideways.”
Eager and obedient, he claims his place with his head propped in his hand as I open my legs like a book. His jaw ticks and his pupils flare. We don’t touch each other, but the way he licks his lips makes me think he’d like to. He’s watching me, bare and up close, and his hungry, determined expression fills me with a heart-pounding power and frightening vulnerability.
My hand drifts down, parting my lips. Normally, I’d close my eyes, lean back, and take care of myself, but I want to see Finn seeing me. I want to watch every expression cross his face.
I start slow, moving my fingers up and over my clit, which pulses with pleasure. A moan escapes my mouth, and I slap my other hand over it.
“You’ll have to get good at being quiet, unless you want to wake the whole house.”
I nudge him with my foot, holding down a laugh. “You’re distracting me.”
“You’re definitely the distracting one.”
Gnawing on the corner of my lip, I continue with the circles. A fire grows in my belly, and my breath picks up with the rising heat of my core. Finn watches, mesmerized, his pupils wide and his breath shallow. Knowing he likes what he sees doesn’t stop my racing thoughts, though. What if I can’t do this with an audience—not all the way? Would he suspect it if I faked it?
“Stay with me,” Finn says, snapping me back to reality.
“I don’t, um…This isn’t working for me.”
“Tell me what you want.”
What do I want? I stare down the length of his body, a sizable tent at the center of his shorts. “Take those off.”
Not breaking eye contact with me, he wriggles out of his pajamas. I haven’t even gotten completely naked—my shirt’s still on—and I look him in the eye as long as I can bear before I have to take in all of him.
Oh.
The longing and the thrill return when I spot Finn’s erection, thick and pleading for release. A vein tracks the side of his shaft and the head bobs in the air, finally free from his clothes.
“See what you do to me?” he asks.
“You’re making me blush, Finn.”
“Good. Every time you spread your legs and press a hand to your clit, remember how hard I am just watching you get yourself off.”
I resume rubbing myself, with every flick of the wrist driving me closer and closer to release. But I want…I want… “I want you to touch yourself.”
“I—I won’t last long, looking at you like this.”
“That doesn’t matter. Please, Finn.”
Finn wrapping his hand around his cock with his eyes on me sets the last piece of the puzzle into place. This is what I wanted. The friction of my hand, yes, but also Finn pumping his shaft with a concentrated intensity. He jerks himself at a steady pace, alternating between watching me down there and looking straight at me, his eyes hooded with desire. I’ve never felt sexier in my life.
“You like me studying you like this? And showing you how crazy you make me while you touch yourself?”
I nod, biting back a whine. “I’ve never done this before,” I confess. “Not with someone watching.”
“Fuck, Luna. I could watch you all night.”
“I wish you would.”
The tip of his erection shimmers with pre-cum while his arm beats up and down. I imagine all the places and positions I’d like to take him—us intertwined in the back seat of his car, him slamming into me from behind as I grip my headboard, me with his length in my mouth on the couch. Already, I’m thirsting for the next time and the next time, before we’ve even finished up here. The space between my legs yearns for relief.
“You’re gorgeous,” he says in between breaths. “I can’t wait to touch you like that. Use my hands and my mouth and my cock to get you wet.”
“Finn.”
“I wanna see you undone. Show me how you come, baby girl.”
The gravel in his benevolent demand, combined with the weight of his intent gaze, rips me in two. I turn my head, screaming yes, yes , into a pillow, stars bursting behind my eyelids. I’m levitating, made of pure clouds and bliss, as I ride out the flutters of my orgasm.
Finn’s measured breathing lures me back to earth. His arm beats at a more intense pace, and a grunt tells me he’s close too. Brazen and high on endorphins, I trail my finger up one side of my entrance, then the other.
“Hey, Finn?”
His response comes out strangled.
“You better look at me when you come.”
“Oh, Lou.”
The subtle slapping sound of him jerking off increases, and he groans as his face twists into his release. He stares me down like he would do unspeakable acts to me in the dead of night. That’s what I came here for, yet the reality is even better. His head collapses onto the duvet, eyes closed and his hand covered in a sheen of himself.
Once we both clean up, I do a double take of myself in the mirror. My part’s off-kilter and some mascara from the day has smudged, but the post-orgasmic glow has me looking fresh and satisfied.
When I return to his bedroom, Finn’s on the bed, his arms wide and welcoming me to cuddle with him. I can’t resist this soft, sentimental after-sex side of him, so I nuzzle into the cozy crook of his arm.
“That was better than I could have ever imagined,” he says. “We didn’t even touch each other.”
“You’ve imagined it? Us?”
“Uh.” He clears his throat. “Next question, please.”
“C’mon. It’s kind of sweet to think about you pining after me.” I trace the veins in his forearm, up and down. “I always figured you saw me as a bother. Someone who interrupted your hangout time with Aaron.”
“No. I’m just awkward around you. Never find the right thing to say.”
“Sure knew what to say when I was climaxing.” My body delights in the sensation of him chuckling, his body rumbling against mine. “Did you imagine us doing it more than once?”
“Again, self-preservation.”
“I’ve thought about it,” I say, and his eyebrows jump. “I mean, not as detailed as this. But after our kiss in the bar, I’d let my imagination wander. Sometimes I wondered if you ever did too.” I weave my fingers into his. “We said we should take our time, but do you feel guilty sneaking around? Me and Mom got mani- pedis today, and I underestimated how crappy it is not telling her what’s going on. With my ex and work, of course, but also with you. And you might be taking this job in California, so maybe this is a fling for you, which is fine, so—”
“Lou, you are more important.” He pauses, searching my face. “If we’re really doing this, I’ll just have to figure something out with work on my own. Decision made.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“No. But you’re not just a fling for me.”
“Okay.” I dissolve into his embrace, wishing our brand-new relationship didn’t have so much uncertainty. But that’s how the start of relationships go, isn’t it? “In that case, this feels…I don’t know, big somehow. And I don’t like not telling people.”
“Yeah. Lied out my ass with Aaron this afternoon. If he goes on about some girl he’s convinced I’m obsessed with, that’s you.”
“Obsessed, huh?” I snuggle closer to him, wrapping my top leg around his. “Well, my family worships the ground you walk on. Something’s weird about not telling them what’s going on.”
“You didn’t talk to them about your breakup.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry,” he says, planting a kiss on the side of my head. “But I want to understand why that’s different.”
“I was humiliated. This is the opposite. It feels good. I think I might burst if we hide this much longer. So what do you think?”
“You want to tell them?”
I nod.
“How ’bout after the trip?” he offers. “Take our time, do it right.”
I catch myself forcing us into something more serious, which might end up pushing him away the way I did with Tanner. One thing at a time. I’ll make sure my parents have an incredible time here, then worry about everything else later. I nod in agreement with Finn, looking up at him through sleepy eyes.
“You’re beautiful.”
“Thanks. It’s the orgasm.”
“No, it’s you,” he says, kissing me on the head. Then, softer, “It’s always you.”