Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
A SATURDAY IN APRIL
Levi has his arm around my shoulders as I hold Claire’s hand, walking through the headstones in search of three specific ones. Stopping in front of Neve’s first, I release a shaky breath as tears instantly pool in my eyes.
Claire slips her hand out of mine and reaches into her pocket, pulling out the butterfly necklace. She sits cross-legged in front of the tombstone and begins whispering, staring at the necklace in her hands. Levi instantly pulls me tighter against his side as I wipe at my eyes.
Focusing on the one beside Neve’s, I rest a hand on top of it. My father’s name stares back at me, and I don’t try to fight the tears anymore as they overflow and cascade down my cheeks.
“I miss them,” I mumble, closing my eyes for a moment. “Will it ever get easier?”
“One day it will,” Levi responds, rubbing soothing circles on my back.
“One day, you’ll find yourself waking up and falling asleep without thinking about them.
And you might find yourself feeling guilty about it, but they will forever be in your heart.
You won’t forget about them, but you’ll continue to learn how to live without them. ”
I smile sadly, leaning into him. “When did you get so wise?”
“I’ve always been wise. It just took you a while to realize it.” Levi looks to our side to see Claire now standing, looking between us and the headstone. “Come on, southpaw. Let’s give your mom a second alone, yeah?”
Claire takes his outstretched hand without a second thought, glancing up at me briefly. She gives me a sad smile before following Levi about thirty feet away, near a cluster of trees. I turn back to the headstones and take a deep breath before sitting before them.
“I always wondered what people said in these situations,” I start to say, wringing my hands in my lap. “Talking to a slab of stone seems so odd, doesn’t it? But Blue told me to talk like I was having lunch with you to catch you up on life, so here it goes.
“Work has been going extremely well. No surprise there, right? Kirstin is expanding the business and opening a location in California and asked if I’d run it, but I declined.
I can’t imagine not being her assistant anymore, and if I do end up moving, I don’t see myself and Claire in another big city.
“I met someone,” I say next, glancing over my shoulder for a heartbeat to see Claire and Levi playing rock paper scissors.
“He reminds me a lot of you, dad. Charming, funny, and extremely driven.
Claire is absolutely taken with him, too.
I never expected to find someone like him, let alone fall for someone so quickly, but I guess the universe knew what I needed, when I needed it.
“Travis is in jail, and that’s a whole other can of worms I don’t really feel like getting into right now, but Claire and I are okay. Levi has been so supportive and understanding, and his protective streak is unmatched. I wish you could’ve met him. I know you would’ve loved him.
“Claire decided she wants to skip out on her summer ball league this year to go visit Levi’s family in Montana, so we’ll be heading there in a couple months. Neve, you and Stevie would’ve been best friends. I’ve never met someone more like you.
“This past year has been such a whirlwind, and I cannot even begin to explain the sadness that swallows me whole sometimes when I remember that you’re no longer here.
I often find myself listening to old voicemails from the two of you or rereading old text messages just to feel like you’re here, even for a moment.
“I know you’re looking over me, and I know that you’re both guiding Claire through life as best as you can. We both miss you and love you dearly.”
I turn to my mother’s tombstone and gently rest a hand on top of it before leaning forward and pressing my lips to the cold surface. “I miss you, too, mom.”
Taking a deep breath, I slowly stand and make my way back over to Claire and Levi. He’s got his hand on her shoulder as he studies me upon approach, and she smiles up at me, reaching for my hand when I’m close enough.
“Can we go eat now?” She asks, glancing between me and Levi.
I chuckle and am about to respond when Levi looks down at her and says, “In a minute, Peanut. I need to go talk to your grandpa first.”
Raising a brow, I stare at him until he looks at me and winks, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before he walks over to their tombstones. Glancing back down at my daughter, she simply shrugs before dragging me back over to the car.
He takes a couple of minutes, and a lone tear slips down my cheek again when I see a cardinal perch on a headstone a couple of rows back. Levi turns and comes back to the car, wordlessly starting it up and driving us to our next destination.
Pulling up to Claire’s favorite park, I smile when I see it’s not just Blue waiting for us, but Cole and JJ and a few of the softball moms and Claire’s friends who are playing with Winston. She squeals from the backseat and shoves the door open, running towards them without closing the door.
Levi climbs out with a chuckle, closing her door for her as I round the car. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and leads me over to our friends. JJ immediately wraps me in a hug, squeezing me tightly, and Blue smiles at me from over her shoulder.
“How are you doing, momma?” JJ asks as she pulls away from me. “I know it’s a tough day.”
I pull my black jean jacket a little tighter around me and shrug. “About how you’d expect, but also better than I thought I would be.”
“You know you can always lean on me if you ever need to,” she tells me, bumping her shoulder into mine. “My free time just got a little bigger.”
“What do you mean?” I glance at her and see her staring at Cole, and I raise a brow. “What happened?”
JJ shrugs. “He told me what happened that night and said how much it’s messed with him. Basically, he said he just needs to focus on himself right now and doesn’t want to drag me along.”
“That’s awfully mature of him,” I say, studying my friend.
“Just wish he would’ve come to that conclusion sooner.” She turns to me and forces a smile. “Who knows? Maybe one day we’ll try again.”
I see Blue’s face contort slightly at JJ’s words, but I don’t have time to question her about it when I spot Cole approaching.
JJ squeezes my hand before walking over to the picnic table with Blue and Levi in tow.
Wringing my hands together in front of me, I swallow the lump in my throat as he stops a couple feet away from me, fidgeting much like I am.
“I’m so sorry, Mar,” he whispers, his eyes turning glassy.
“Hey,” I say gently, reaching out a hand to rest on his bicep for a moment. “It wasn’t your fault, Cole. Try not to beat yourself up over it.”
A lone tear escapes and glides down his cheek. “I can’t help but wonder if I hadn’t been drinking that night, if I hadn’t been involved in the accident, if they would’ve survived.”
“Cole, those what ifs are going to drive you mad.” I drop my hand, giving him a sad smile. “I know it’ll take time, but I want you to know that I don’t blame you, and I’m not mad.”
“How could you not be?” he wonders, staring at me with a furrow between his brows. “I figured out months ago that it was your father and sister that died that night. I kept that from you and from Levi. How can you forgive me for that?”
“Fear is a powerful emotion,” I tell him simply.
“It often inhibits our actions, and I can’t fault you for that.
It took me some time to come to terms with it all, and I’m sure some people might think I’m foolish for forgiving the both of you, but none of it was done out of purposeful malice towards me.
You both acted out of fear, and he acted out of love for you.
How can I be mad about that? You’re both remorseful, and to me?
That’s what matters most. Forgiveness is a powerful thing, and one day you’ll be able to forgive yourself. ”
To my surprise, Cole wordlessly closes the gap between us and throws his arms around me.
I chuckle softly as I wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest with a smile.
I feel a wetness on the top of my head, and I pull back.
I cup his cheek in my hand and brush away the tears that have fallen.
“Thank you,” he mumbles, giving me a smile of his own. “I don’t deserve your friendship.”
“Yet you’ll always have it.”
Blue grabs our attention, waving us over to the picnic benches. Claire and her friends run over to her, grabbing paper plates and dish up themselves; sandwiches, chips, a cold pasta, and some fruit. Once the kids run off to go sit and eat in the grass, us adults walk over and grab our own food.
The softball moms take one table and Levi, my friends and I take the other one.
We laugh as we eat, no one talking about how JJ and Cole don’t sit next to one another, or how RJ isn’t present because he went overseas and Blue stayed here.
Instead, we talk about Claire and Winston, our friends ask about Levi and I, and he tells them some stories from our time in Montana.
As I look around at my friends, I can’t stop the smile from staying planted on my face, thankful for the family I’ve created.
“Hey,” Blue mumbles, bumping her shoulder into mine to get my attention. “Why don’t I take Claire for the night?”
“Why?”
She glances over at Levi and I raise a brow. “I just think you need some time with an adult who understands what you’re going through, and Claire could use a fun night with her favorite auntie.”
“Then she should be staying with me,” JJ interrupts, and I groan.
“Please, not this argument again.”
Levi and Cole chuckle as I place my head in my hands in a joking manner. Blue slaps my shoulder but keeps her eyes trained on JJ, which only makes her beam in response.
“I’m taking Claire,” Blue states, leaving no room for argument as she turns her focus back on me. “And you’re going to enjoy some alone time with your man. No ifs, and, or buts.”
“Thanks, Blue.” Levi wraps an arm around me and kisses my temple.
We sit around for another hour before Levi informs me that we should get going. I call Claire over and give her a hug, letting her know I will be by to pick her up in the morning. Levi leads me over to the car and opens the door for me before he walks around and climbs in behind the driver’s seat.
“I need you to put something on,” he tells me, reaching over me to open the glove compartment. He pulls out a strip of cloth and drops it in my lap.
“Are we getting kinky in the car?” I tease, a smile tugging at my lips as I raise a questioning brow.
Levi rolls his eyes, grabbing the cloth from me. “I have a surprise for you, so you can’t know where we’re going.”
“I really don’t like surprises, Levi,” I remind him as he holds my hand, leading me down a hallway. “I especially don’t like not being able to see.”
“Do you trust me?” He asks, resting his other hand on my elbow and gently turning me, supposedly turning a corner.
I scoff, shaking my head. “Of course I do, but asking that also doesn’t give me a lot of confidence.”
“Do you really have that little faith in me?” Levi pulls me to a stop.
“Can you stop asking me questions and just tell me what this surprise is?”
Levi laughs and I hear a door opening. He grabs my hand and leads me inside, closing the door behind us.
He leads me a few feet forward and to the right before spinning me.
His hands come up to the back of my head and I feel his body pressing in behind me as his fingers deftly pick at the knot of the cloth around my eyes.
Once the cloth drops away, I blink a few times as my eyes adjust to the light.
My gaze wanders, taking in my living room, and my brows furrow.
Just as I’m about to turn to Levi and ask him why I was blindfolded and taken back to my own apartment, my eyes snag on something on the wall and I can’t stop the sob that slips past my lips.
Hanging on the wall behind the couch is a painted portrait of my family; my mother, father, sister, daughter and me. Tears cascade down my cheeks when Levi wraps his arms around my waist from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder.
“Do you like it?”
“Like it?” I respond with a watery laugh. “I love it. How did you do this?”
“Do you remember that covered painting I wouldn’t let you see when you were over for dinner months back?” I nod. “I had just finished the outline and wanted to keep it a surprise. Blue helped me find some photos to use for reference, and Claire picked the background colors.”
I spin in his grasp, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist, my tears soaking into his plain black tee. “Thank you, Levi. This is the best thing anyone has ever given me.”
“I figured you needed a full family portrait,” he tells me, resting his head on top of mine. “Seemed a shame you didn’t have one with all five of you.”
“It is missing someone, though.” I pull back and rest my chin on his chest to look up at him and see him staring back at me with confusion. “You.”
Levi shakes his head, a light tint coming to his cheeks. “That’s sweet, Lowe, but that’s not what this was for.”
“I understand,” I say, glancing back at the painting for a moment before looking back at him. “But you’re part of this family now. It’s as you’ve been telling me: fate made it so.”