2. Xin
Xin
Another light flashes, but this one continues beaming down on me, making me feel the severity of what's happened. I try to pry my eyes open but it’s a struggle. Maybe they aren’t the problem. Maybe I just don’t want to see what the end looks like…
A cold unlike any other settles over me, confirming that in order to keep their secret, the elders prematurely ended my life. I know I wanted more than what I had on Santos, but I deserved to live on and expire with old age or at least to a time of my own choosing.
My limbs start to tingle then burn as the cold seeps further into my body and soul.
Open your eyes Xin, see what hellunder looks like and get it over with. This is your forever.
Gently, I peel them open and bring my arm up to shield from the light.
Little flakes of white powder fall on me, and I stare at it in wonder.
It’s everywhere around me, like ash but with a chilling effect and a wetness that follows.
For as far as my eyes see is white. White ground that sinks as I walk on it.
White powder that falls from up high but melts as soon as it lands on me.
White sky’s so bright I can’t stare for too long.
White. White. White.
My skin starts to burn the longer I stand out here. Is this my punishment? To walk around in this cold and wet afterlife, forever alone?
I can’t believe the elders did this to me.
Heat bubbles in my limbs as anger overtakes me. The pressure builds more and more with each second. Out of nowhere searing pain thrashes through me; so brutally I collapse back onto my knees. The softness of the powder does nothing to stop the pain.
“AARGGHH.”
My body hunches forward, bones pop and break beneath my skin. When I raise my hand to touch my back, my elbow and wrist are next to snap.
“Oh Gods. Please help me. Make this stop. I beg of you, I’m sorry.”
My howls echo into the abyss and as the pain increases, so do the breakages. Tears blur my vision and I pray for a reprieve that doesn’t come. Pray to the gods that don't answer.
So I’m not yet in hellunder. This is just the pain portal and waiting area before I truly meet my forever.
Saliva dribbles over my lip uncontrollably as my sobs heighten with the pain. I flop onto my side, the cooling white powder is now a welcome feeling over the lava running through my veins.
“Breathe. The more you panic the worse it gets. It’ll be over soon, just breathe.”
A voice whispers over my screams, but I hear it nonetheless. Taking the instructions provided is something completely different though. I grit my teeth as more bones snap and then allow more screams to ring out.
“Try to let go. The more you fight the pain, the longer it’ll last. Just breathe and let go. Trust me”
The voice sounds more insistent now, and I try to do what it says. Anything must be better than this.
Maybe the elders are trying to take me home?
I manage one deep breath and another before my vision goes from white to black. Then nothing. Again.