Chapter 4 #2
When I returned to my apartment, there was a note on the door. Xavier asked me to wait for him, then apologized for asking that at all. The letter made me smile, the first genuine smile in a day. He promised to get his life in order, but wanted us to at least stay friends.
“I don’t think I can do this without knowing you are there in my corner. I need your friendship.”
My fingers trembled around the paper. Could I give him that? It wasn’t too much to ask, was it? This was the alpha I was ready to have a family with. One I had seen a life with. We had both been hurt by Gio. Xavier had suffered a worse betrayal out of it. He really wasn’t asking for a lot.
Without second-guessing myself, I unblocked him.
Brady
I’m not promising to wait, but we can at least be friends.
He replied after only a few minutes. Just a simple “thank you.”
Xavier was a good friend. His texts came regularly. Not daily, which would have been stifling, but often enough that I knew I was on his mind a lot. He would ask about my day and tell me little things he had done, like signing a lease on a property and starting the divorce proceedings.
Our friendship was tested when I went into heat. My mind was a mess. I wasn’t in the right headspace for another alpha to take me through it. I thought about a beta or even trying to put it off altogether. Nothing appealed to me.
I went through my heat alone. The first few hours were okay. The toys and the pheromone gel worked well at first, then I reached the peak of my heat and nothing seemed to appease my body.
“Fuck!” I cried. The stretch of the artificial knot wasn’t quite right. The dildo was at the wrong angle. It wasn’t them. No, it wasn’t him. My body was crying out for my alpha. For Xavier.
I pressed the button for the knot to deflate and gently pulled the toy free from my body. Slick coated my ass and thighs. Come pooled on my stomach, yet I felt empty and unsatisfied.
The burn of my heat was raging harder than I’d ever experienced. Anxiety grew in my gut. Something was wrong. There was no one to help me. I couldn’t call Xavier after my demands. Instead, I looked online for any tips and tricks.
Pheromone sickness.
Was that what I was experiencing? Had I formed a pseudo-bond with Xavier and Gio? The website claimed some omegas formed these bonds without a mark when they were compatible with an alpha. They needed their pheromones around them, or they would get sick.
I’d been wearing Xavier’s t-shirt a lot recently. There was a sweatshirt I kept under my pillow, but the scent on both was fading. I’d been feeling run down, like I was getting sick, too.
The knowledge settled into my gut. I had pheromone sickness caused by withdrawal from being around Xavier.
Fuck. What the hell had I done? How was I going to get through this?
There was only one person I could call: my omega parent. He picked up immediately. “Brady, are you okay?”
“Mom, I’m pretty sure I’ve got pheromone sickness. What should I do?” Yes, my omega parent was male and liked to be called mom, okay? It was his preference, and I loved that for him.
“Aren’t you in heat?”
“Yeah,” I whined.
“Then you need his pheromones, honey. You can wean yourself off them, but not while you’re in heat.”
“I don’t want him here. Not while I’m like this.”
Mom sighed thoughtfully, then spoke in a calm, almost detached voice. It had to be hard for him to hear me struggling with being unable to help. “Get him to leave some clothes outside your door. You don’t have to see him.”
Could I use him like that? We ended the call, and I thought about how I was going to word my text. Another wave hit while I punched in the words.
Brady
In heat. Need your scent. Pheromone sickness. Leave them in a bag outside my door.
Xavier didn’t answer my text.
I lost myself to the endless cycle of burning heat, temporary relief, and exhaustion as each wave came with only a toy to sate me.
A few hours later, I surfaced from a troubled sleep to a call. I answered before it could hit my voicemail.
“Hey, it’s outside.” He was panting like he was running. “I waited until I was a block away to call you. I know you don’t want to see me right now. There’s a new toy in there. All clean and with some of my precome on it. If you change your mind, just call.” Xavier hung up.
It took me far too much effort to get out of bed, to go to my door and pick up the tote bag on the doorstep.
His pheromones wrapped around me immediately.
My body relaxed for the first time in what felt like weeks.
Xavier had been there. The sweater he left was still warm, as if he had peeled it off and run away.
I could smell him on the toy wrapped in a pair of his boxer briefs.
They’d clearly been worn recently. Later I’d be disgusted at the way I sniffed them as I made my way back to my bedroom.
I fucked myself with Xavier’s toy covered in his precome and wished he was with me. I knew I was doing the right thing for us both, even if it hurt, even if it felt wrong, because we both needed to heal before we could start afresh.
With Xavier’s clothes draped over my body, the new toy, and his pheromones everywhere around me, my next wave washed over me gently.
For the first time since it had started, I actually felt satisfied to my bones.
Each wave was shallower and shallower until it broke in the early hours of the morning.
Those clothes stayed in my bed for at least a week until the scent faded completely.