Chapter 9
Nine
Brady
The result of the pregnancy test shouldn’t have been a surprise. The crushing disappointment that came with it was, though. I thought I’d wrapped my head around what being a recessive omega meant in terms of my fertility. Clearly, I was wrong.
Looking at the test, I felt my heart shatter into pieces.
Deep down, I think I’d banked on giving Xavier a baby to tie us together, acting as our anchor in a sense.
After Gio’s texts, I wanted it to be positive to prove the bastard wrong.
Unfortunately, the shithead was right, I couldn’t give Xavier the baby he wanted. Two heats, two negative tests.
At the party and after seeing Xavier around kids, I knew he had to be a dad. I just didn’t have the heart for all the fertility treatments to get us there. Malik had told me about some of them during the party. Not only was the cost eye-watering, it was taxing as hell on the body.
If I couldn’t do it naturally, then I didn’t want to do it at all.
I didn’t have the heart for a fight for something that an omega was supposed to be made for.
Why did everything in my life have to be a battle?
Maybe I was still holding onto too much from my childhood, but I just didn’t want to be this failure of an omega.
I wanted something easy, simple, not treatments and pain.
Things between me and Xavier had to end. All of it. I had to go cold turkey on the man. I wouldn’t do him dirty and ghost him like I’d tried to do before. Lesson learned there. No, this time I’d give him the adult conversation he deserved.
I was going to miss him dearly. He’d invited me into his life, arms wide open.
Xavier had introduced me to his family, giving me a glimpse of what I could have.
I’d met Malik, Chen, and little Sora. His friends had made me feel welcome.
Sora was too cute! I was so smitten. It was going to be awful to miss out on all Xavier offered.
Mostly, I’d just miss him and how he made me feel.
The call was answered almost instantly. “Everything okay? You slipped away before I could see you this morning.” Xavier sounded relaxed and happy on the other end of the line. I hated what I was about to do, even though, long term, it would help us both.
“Needed to get home.” My hands were sweaty. The phone slipped in my grasp. I fumbled with it before tightening my grip.
“Feeling okay? It’s about a month since your heat. Do you need to take a—”
“It was negative.” Oh, fuck this hurt so bad.
“I’m sorry, Brady.” He really sounded it. He had the best heart. “I know how much you want a baby.” Why did he have to sound so perfect?
I forced my tone to be steady with a hard edge. “It’s what you want too, isn’t it? You want babies, marriage, the whole thing.”
“Yeah,” he answered immediately. “They’d be great but—”
Time to get it out there. I took a deep breath and pushed on. “I think we should stop seeing each other. The lines are getting too blurred. It’s best it ends now before we end up hurting each other.”
“What?”
“I want to end things.”
“Are you serious?” his voice rose with his anger. “I’m divorced now. I thought we were building something real, and you want to end it?” There was a hitch in his breath.
“I’m never going to be who you want me to be—”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“I’m recessive, Xavi. We’ve done two heats together and—”
“Two is nothing. We can try—”
“No. I’m not doing all that shit. You deserve someone who can give you all that. Hell, you can go back to Gio, and there’s a ready-made family waiting for you.”
Xavier swore, the words unintelligible. “That’s not happening. It’s you I want.”
“We’re over, Xavi. Give me some space, please. You can do that, right? I promise this is for the best.”
I hung up the phone without giving him a chance to respond. He tried calling back a few times, but I sent each call to voicemail. Eventually, he got the hint.
For the longest time, I sat there and stared at my phone until the dam broke and I let the tears out. I curled up on my couch and sobbed, utterly broken.
I allowed myself a month of sad movies, ice cream for dinner, and mourning the relationship that never was.
Despite what it looked like, I was never Xavier’s boyfriend either of the times we’d gotten close to it.
Our friends with benefits thing had suited us when Xavi was going through his divorce, but now that was over and he was single, it was time for him to look for the person he could start a family with. A person who could never be me.
Mourning period done, I had to lock in to best friend mode.
No, best man mode! I was planning a wedding with Haneul, Jae’s mom, with as little input from the grooms as possible.
They had little Leo to look after, a book to write in Jae’s case, and a business to run in Curtis’.
Both of the grooms had enough to do without planning a wedding with only six months to get it done.
We’d waited about four months to really lock in the details to give Jae and Curtis time to bond with their baby. The first few months were so tiring, and Jae had some healing to do postpartum.
Our biggest problem with the planning was that Haneul was still repairing her fractured relationship with Jae, and she was unwilling to offer up too many opinions, always siding with Jae instead. My beloved Jae was quite frankly useless at picking anything. Everything was pretty.
I called the big guns in: Curtis and his best man, Marty. We’d even asked Curtis’ dad, Ricky, so he could watch Leo for us while we got some of the big decisions out of the way.
“You know, I think this mint green and cream color palate looks really classy with how Brady’s set it out,” Marty offered with a wink.
Since Leo’s arrival, I’d had more of a chance to get to know Curtis’ best friend, Marty.
The omega was a single dad who had opinions on everything.
At first,t he didn’t say all that much, I think sussing out me and Haneul, but the more we got together, the more we heard more from him.
He had great taste, an eye for what both Jae and Curtis would like, and an ability to subtly keep Haneul on his side.
Basically, I was in awe of the omega.
“I agree,” Haneul said, with the samples in her hand. She rarely went against Marty. It was a thing of beauty to watch how he got her to pick what Jae and Curtis wanted but were too anxious to suggest.
“If you wanted the grooms to have different colors, Curtis could have a cream tie and Jae the green. I think the green would suit both of you better. The cream will look really nice on Curtis.”
Again, Haneul agreed. “Jae would look lovely with a mint green waistcoat, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” Curtis said, “I’m happy to wear a cream one, really tie the theme together.”
Ricky entered the living room with Leo in his arms and Maddy by his side.
“This little lady says you have a secret, but you wanted all of us together.” He directed his words toward Marty.
The pair were very close because Marty lived with Ricky after he had Maddy until only a couple of years ago.
Ricky had practically adopted Marty as another son.
Marty winced. “I knew I was going to have to bring it up soon. It won’t affect anything. I’ll be at the wedding, I swear.”
The omega looked flustered. Haneul patted his hand. “Is this about the baby?”
Simultaneously, my stomach dropped and my heart leaped. Marty was pregnant? Life was so unfair.
It felt like the entire room was on pause, waiting to react once they knew how Marty felt about it.
“How did you know?” Marty gasped.
“This close, the pheromone filters Jae has couldn’t mask the scent. I didn’t want to bring it up just in case you were unhappy.” Haneul fidgeted in her seat, a move uncharacteristic for the older woman. Jae leaned into her, automatically giving support.
Marty smiled, a soft sweet thing that transformed his face. He looked years younger without the weight of the world on his shoulder. “Mate Match really worked. They found me something special and now we’re pregnant!”
The room erupted with cheers for the omega. I think I managed to voice my congratulations.
“Are you ever going to tell me about this match? Do we get to meet them soon?” Jae asked with a teasing smile.
“Soon,” Marty promised. “They have to tell their family first. I know it won’t be easy. They are younger than me, for starters, but being with them feels so good!”
Jae leaned forward, angling towards me. “Now it’s your turn to try Mate Match!”
“I’m not sure,” I hedged.
“C’mon, Brady. If you mean what you said about putting Xavier behind you, then this might be your best shot at getting your happily ever after. You’ve got two case studies right here.”
What did I have to lose? This last month without Xavier had been awful.
I’d been firm and avoided any contact with him, but he was still trying.
He was persistent, I’d give him that. Between his desire to be a dad and the threats from Gio, I was done hoping things would work out.
It was time to take a chance on the app.
It had given Jae his perfect love with Curtis. Marty was glowing!
Although my heart was still a battered thing, I wondered what it would do for me. Would I find someone to make me forget Xavi?
“Alright. I’ll sign up later. Let’s nail down more of the plans first, okay? We’ve got six months to make this the wedding of your dreams.”
It was late by the time we got home. Ricky helped Maddy make cookies to celebrate the new baby. The little girl was so excited about being a big sister. It was adorable.
My phone chimed with a text just as I set it on the counter. I unlocked my device and read it without holding my phone, as if the distance from the message would soften it somehow. I hated being the reason Xavier was in pain. We were both hurting right now. It’d get easier in time.
Xavi
I miss you. I wish I could hear your voice. Please let me know how to fix this.
Instead of ignoring it, like I usually did. I picked my phone and called him.
“Brady?”
“You need to stop doing this, Xavi.” keeping my voice level was near impossible.
“I just don’t understand. I thought things were good with us,” he pleaded.
“Why don’t you ask Gio? He seems to think you’re going to go back to him.”
“What?” Xavier’s stunned voice blasted out of the phone. I had to set it down and put it on speaker.
“He dropped off a gift for you. I think he must have seen pics from the party and known I was there. He told me you broke up before—”
“Early in our marriage because of his parents, not cheating! What else has he said?” Xavier’s anger wasn’t something I’d seen much of. He usually kept a firm hand on his temper.
My body trembled. Tears threatened to fall, making it hard to speak. “He called me worthless. Told me I’d never give you what you want.”
“Fuck!” Even down the phone I could feel his rage.
It took me a moment to get a handle on my emotions. Once I was calm, I spoke. “I’m not getting in the middle of you two. He threatened me, Xavier. Besides, he’s right. I can’t give you kids. Not without bankrupting us both. Not without massive risks.”
“Brady, there has to be a way to make this work. We’re so good together.”
“Maybe we were, but we weren’t meant for anything lasting. I’m signing up for that app Jae used, Mate Match—”
“Are you serious? There could be weirdos on there. Anything could happen!”
“They check everyone. I just want to move on, Xavier. Stop texting and calling me for a bit, or I’ll block you, okay? Give me some space to get over you and find something real.”
“What we had was real—”
“No, we had the specter of your ex behind us, Xavi. Maybe without me in the way you can work it out.” He sputtered out a curse. “Bye, Xavi. Hope you find happiness.”
An hour was all it took to set me on a new path. Part of me would always long for Xavier, but I needed to see what was out there and put him behind me. Maybe he’d go back to Gio. Maybe he’d find an omega who could give him the kids he wanted. I needed someone who knew what he was getting into.
There were so many questions to fill in, it was utterly exhausting. Marty and Jae had warned me how invasive it seemed, though it had worked out for them. I just had to trust the process, even if it had me rethinking everything I thought I knew about myself. Why were there so many questions?
Once the questionnaires were done, I had a personal statement to write. That part was the worst! Another hour of my life gone. The process made me feel bad for Jae. I’d pushed him into this, and now there I was, making my own profile. It had better be worth the effort.
I had to admit, I liked the sound of my profile.
Mate Match profile summary for Brady Munroe.
Brady is a recessive omega, aged twenty-seven, who works as a publishing agent for a well-known publisher. He is an atheist, a former catholic and comes from a mixed ethnic background, specifically white and Latino.
His likes: Cats, swimming, weight training, eating out, art.
His dislikes: Dishonesty.
Brady’s personal statement:
As a recessive omega, I know my path to parenthood might be tough. I’m looking for a male alpha to start a family with, no matter what shape that takes. They have to be open-minded and sex positive.
I want to match with an alpha for a closed relationship where we will train together in the gym by day and spend time as a family at night. My alpha needs to have sparkling eyes with a wit to match, a generous spirit, and the ability to see more than a person’s biology.
Done with the statement, I clicked the box to post my profile to the Mate Match app for potential matches.
Nerves churned in my gut. With a ding, it was done.
My profile was in the system awaiting my background checks and approval.
Within an hour, it was live. Now I just had to wait for my first Mate Match.