Chapter 15
Silas
When Junie’s breathing is shallow, and I know she’s asleep, I slip out of the bed and pad into the living room where Fran and Jake wait for me. This entire afternoon didn’t go to plan, and now I’m afraid I ruined anything that could have ever been between us.
She’s only seen me shift once, and now I don’t know how she feels about any of it.
She knows I’m a wolf, obviously, but we’ve been stuck in the cabin for the past day.
There haven’t been many reminders that we are different, that my life is completely different than hers.
Junie was terrified when I appeared near the quad.
She should be, though. If it wasn’t me, she would have been dead.
“She asleep?” Fran looks my way, and I nod. “Good. She was barely conscious when you brought her back.”
I run a palm down my face and groan, walking to the kitchen to grab water to drink. “It’s my fault.”
“Silas, you couldn’t have known,” Fran says.
“You were doing what you could to make sure she was safe,” Jake adds.
I know they are both right, but I’m the one who freaked out.
There wasn’t anything looming in that forest, and I made her believe her life was in danger.
It had to have been the stress from the earlier ambush, coupled with the light reflecting off the trees, that had me thinking we were about to be raided again.
All I wanted to do was protect her.
Instead, I expected her to escape on a vehicle she didn’t even know how to start.
“Can you make sure the borders are secure?” I ask Jake, and he nods. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important, not with the amount of snow out there.
I’m meant to meet with a few of the temporary leaders to figure out who the bad eggs are, but for now, it seems like the rogue groups are becoming reckless.
It’s honestly an advantage for us because of how close they are to advancing on our camps.
But it was stupid to have brought Junie somewhere so exposed, to a place where we could have easily been ambushed.
I wasn’t thinking.
I’m glad she’s not hurt but simply exhausted from today’s events.
Once Fran and Jake leave a few minutes later, I head to the kitchen to start preparing a meal for Junie and me since it’s basically dinner time.
It’s simple, just pasta and garlic bread.
I don’t have much in my kitchen. I’ve never needed much, especially when it comes to food.
We typically head to Mauve’s, or I pick something up when needed.
But I’m not leaving again today, not when I’m not sure how Junie will feel when she wakes.
I told Fran and Jake that I’d talk with them tomorrow about everything and come up with a plan for what to do next.
It’s one thing to have a fight every few months or so, but it’s becoming more frequent as we near the completion of consolidating the north.
We haven’t set a date yet, but we know it’ll happen sometime within the next few months.
Thirty minutes later, I’ve just finished plating our meals when the sound of a door opening reaches the front room.
Junie.
I lean on the counter and wait patiently for her to come down the hall. When I see her, my chest cracks. She’s so beautiful, it hurts. Every time I look at her, my grumpy exterior melts, and I want to chain her to my bed and never let her leave.
It’s too much.
This snow needs to clear so my head can be free of these thoughts.
“You cook?” Junie asks, coming to stand a foot away from me, her gaze on the plates.
“Enough to get by. I hope pasta is okay…” I palm the back of my neck and drop my gaze to the floor. “I don’t have a lot of food stocked here.”
She lightly grips the wrist hanging at my side, and my eyes snap to hers. “It’s okay, Silas. I love pasta. Any carbs, really. It’s the baker in me, I suppose.” She drops my arm and shrugs, smiling.
“You’ll owe me many pastries once you go…” Home. I leave that word out of my statement. It’s suddenly rough and dry to say out loud.
“Mm. Are you saying I’ll see you again, Silas?” she quips.
I shrug. “Who knows, I am quite busy over here.”
Junie chuckles. “Oh, yeah, you’re a hot commodity as the Alpha. How could I forget?”
She moves to swat at my shoulder, but I grab her wrist before she’s able to make contact. A shock moves between us, and I know she feels it because her gaze switches to the spot where I touched her at the same time I looked. What does it mean?
I drop her wrist, and she takes a step back, choosing to ignore whatever happened as I did. We might have crossed a few lines yesterday, but I don’t want to act like this is anything more than sex when she’s going to leave soon.
“Need me to set the table?” she asks, and I shake my head.
“Figure we could eat on the couch and talk.”
“I’d like that.” Junie smiles, taking a plate from the counter.
We grab a seat on the couch. A comfortable silence settles between us as we eat.
The fireplace is lit, creating enough warmth for us both.
It’s been so long since I’ve had anyone over here for something not work-related.
I’ve been so used to shutting everyone out of anything personal that it’s been slightly lonely.
Cooper keeps me company, sure, but it’s not the same.
With Junie here, I’m realizing how alone I’ve been.
“I want to tell you something,” I say, turning slightly to face Junie on the couch.
She stops her fork mid-way to her mouth and asks, “Should I be worried?”
“I don’t think so.” My brows knit together.
“Okay,” she says, sticking the bite of pasta in her mouth. “Continue.”
“Do you know much about mates?”
“Eh.” She places her fork down on her plate. “I know mates are this supposed bond between two people, but I’ve only read about them in books. I don’t think witches have bonds like you.”
“Witches?”
“Oh, right, I kind of forgot we barely know each other. My best friend is a witch.”
“Tell me more.” I want to know everything.
“I thought you were going to tell me something?” Junie asks.
I shrug. “You go. I want to know more about you.”
“Mm, okay, Silas.” She purses her lips, not believing me, but indulges me anyway. “I’ll give you the short version. I grew up in Starview. I have an older brother, Sam. He’s married to Ophelia, my best friend.”
“Is she the witch?”
Junie nods. “My other sibling is Tom. He’s younger. Um. I started Forever June a few years ago and haven’t really taken a break until this week. My love life is non-existent. No one seems to like that I’m always so busy. And… I think that’s about it. It’s fairly boring.”
“You’re right, that is pretty boring.”
“Hey,” she squeals, slapping me in the chest.
We break out into laughter, but she stops a moment, laughing, mouth wide.
“What? Do I have food on my cheek or something?” I ask, palming my face to check for sauce.
“No. You’re not what I expected.”
“I’m way hotter, aren’t I?” I joke.
Junie rolls her eyes. “You know you’re hot, Silas.”
I chuckle. “You’re hot too, Junie.”
“Obviously.”
We both laugh again, but it’s different this time. More relaxed, maybe? Either way, I want to have nights like this again, and I’m not sure if that’s possible. I always thought I was meant to be alone, but these nights with Junie have me craving more than I have in a decade.
“Okay, enough stalling. What did you want to tell me?” Junie asks, resuming eating.
“I had a mate.”
“You had a mate,” Junie repeats, her brows knit together as she processes.
“It wasn’t fated, but we chose each other.” I pause, taking a deep breath, knowing if I don’t spill it all out right now, I won’t tell her. “We were blissfully happy for years, planning when we wanted to solidify our bond, but she found her fated mate.”
“That’s possible?” Junie asks.
“Oh, yeah. Finding your fated mate can be rare, especially if you are sequestered to one area of the world. But fate is always moving, and you never know what the universe has planned. Anyway, she chose him.”
There. I told her. My chest doesn’t feel any lighter.
“That bitch. No wonder you’re angry all the time.”
I nearly choke on a piece of pasta. “I’m not angry all the time.”
Junie lifts her brows.
“Okay, maybe before I was constantly angry. But now…” Now it feels like the hole in my heart is mending.
“I’m telling you this because you’ve somehow broken through my solid heart, and I care for you.
If the snow clears tomorrow, I wanted you to know I’m thankful for you being here, for helping me heal in a weird way. ”
“Wow, way to make a girl feel wanted. I’m flattered.”
“I just mean…”
“Maybe fate always had this planned,” Junie says, shrugging. “I desperately needed a break from working nonstop. You needed someone to thaw your frozen heart a little.”
I chuckle. “You’ve definitely done that.”
As we finish our dinner, Junie tells me more about her business.
She tells me about how she founded Forever June because she wanted something that was hers.
I know what it’s like to want to do something you’re proud of.
Junie talks about her family and friends, her daily life in Starview, and what she hopes to accomplish over the next few months.
Her drive and ambition are impressive, and I’m unfortunately falling quite hard for her.
Not that I plan to tell her, but if anything, this just proves that I need to show her how much she can be loved and appreciated while she’s here.
Junie deserves the world, and I plan to show her exactly what her standards should be.
Maybe one day, in the far, far future, I’ll be open to finding someone for myself.
“I think I’m ready for dessert,” I say, placing my plate on the coffee table next to hers.
“Oh? Did Mauve drop off anything good today?” Junie places her plate next to mine.
I shake my head, and her forehead wrinkles.
“Do you want me to bake something?” Junie asks.
I shake my head again, licking my bottom lip. My gaze drops to her lap, then back to meet hers. Her cheeks flush a pretty red.
“Oh. Um. Silas. This is…” Junie trails off, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.
“Do you not want me?”
“I do.” Junie states. “I do. I promise. It’s just…” She stops fidgeting and places both hands in her lap. “Fuck. How are we supposed to cross the line again when you just told me all of that? It’s not just sex anymore, Silas. Or is it just me?”
I lean forward and cut off any more words with a kiss. She hesitates before she leans into me, kissing me back. When our lips separate, I rest my forehead against hers and lift a hand to cup her cheek.
“It’s not just you,” I whisper. “But I can’t promise anything more, Junie.”
“Because you’re an Alpha? Or because we live in different places?”
“It’s… complicated.”
“Is complicated bad, though? I can handle complicated, Silas.”
I lean back, taking her hand in mine. There’s part of me that wants to tell her everything.
To come clean, tell her that there’s something stopping me from having a bonded mate.
There’s not a lot of information about what a human feels when they find their fated, if they are even able to have a mate, but the possibility of it happening again terrifies me.
If we chose each other and she promised me it wouldn’t happen, that she’d always choose me, I’d never be able to trust her, knowing what a fated bond could feel like compared to a chosen bond.
It’s not the same.
But I know I wouldn’t be able to convince her.
“I know you can. But I can’t, Junie. There are too many variables for me to be open to anything. I told you I don’t do relationships.”
“I know.”
“And you told me you don’t want a relationship.”
“I—I know. And I don’t.”
“Is there any chance you might want to, I don’t know, explore this until you leave? Even knowing there’s an end date?”
Junie bites her lip and drops her gaze. I give her a moment to think, not wanting to rush an answer.
I hope she says yes. I want her to say yes because she wants to, knowing it’s all I can give her.
She deserves more than me, but this is the one way I can have her for the short while. I can’t promise her forever.
Finally, after what feels like a million years, Junie looks at me. A smirk blooms on her face as her hand rises to my cheek.
The moment she nods, I grab her, pull her onto my lap, and kiss her.