Chapter 29
29
Nikki
N ikki poured over the classifieds, her headache pounding. It had been a week of searching and she hadn’t managed to find anything that would come close to what she had right now. She threw down the newspaper with a sigh of disgust.
Who was she kidding? She wasn’t going to be able to find anything that would work. No matter how desperate she was to no longer be under Mateo’s roof, she wasn’t willing to put Paxton in any sort of limbo. He’d been through too much for her to let that happen.
Even if she could find something close to what she had, there was little chance Mateo would give her a glowing reference. Maybe she needed to speak to Daniel. He was a supervisor of sorts. And he liked her well enough.
She groaned and pushed her hands into her hair. The last couple of weeks had been miserable. Knowing that Mateo was lying about visiting with Caroline had taken its toll on her. Then keeping up with the lies of seeing her old friend had only added to it.
Well, Nikki had learned her lesson. Caroline had always been toxic, and she’d proven that she wasn’t going to change.
Nikki went over the day that Mateo had broken things off with her a million times. That picture that Caroline had sent him—she’d been the mastermind behind it all. She’d said she was going to order more drinks, but she’d really only wanted to get Nikki into a position that would hurt Mateo.
And he’d believed Caroline.
Nikki didn’t have any more tears left. Mateo had believed Caroline because they were already spending time together—reconciling. If he hadn’t been interested in Caroline, he would have at least demanded that Nikki tell her story. Instead, he let her walk away.
And they hadn’t spoken since.
A shuddering breath left Nikki’s chest. She’d get through this. She’d been through breakups before. Paxton hadn’t seemed to notice too much since he was still getting riding lessons from Mateo.
Maybe leaving wasn’t the end goal. Maybe Nikki just needed to let the wound heal so she could move on. They could remain friends—as impossible as that appeared to be.
It would be impossible.
Yesterday, she’d locked eyes with Mateo, and for a brief moment she felt alive again, only to have him turn his back on her and for her to realize there would be no going back.
Her phone buzzed with a message, and Nikki glanced at the lit-up screen. Caroline’s name populated it. That woman had been silent since that day at the restaurant. She hadn’t reached out, and Nikki hadn’t been interested either. Whatever Caroline wanted to say, Nikki wasn’t going to hear it.
She snatched up her phone and immediately blocked Caroline on all platforms. Next she deleted all her messages. If there was one destructive force on this planet that needed to be wiped out, it was Caroline.
Nikki tossed her phone onto the stainless steel countertop of the kitchen with disgust and sighed again. She didn’t feel like cooking, but she’d have to start preparing dinner soon. Sure, she could have Jason and Mark whip something up, but that could put her job even more in jeopardy.
Mateo wouldn’t fire her for breaking up with him, would he?
No. He was too good of a man for that.
But he would let her go if she started slipping.
What was she going to do?
Come on, Nikki. Wipe your crushed heart off the floor and keep going. You knew this was a possibility. You knew that Mateo was out of your league when you gave him your heart. Who else do you have to blame? No one.
Her eyes shifted to her phone again. There was only one reason Caroline would message her after everything.
She would be gloating. That’s what she did. Once she got what she wanted, she made sure the world knew it.
Nikki’s lips turned into a sneer as she considered what that might mean. If Caroline showed up at Winding Creek Ranch on Mateo’s arm, that would be the end of everything. Nikki just didn’t have the strength for it.
The door to the kitchen swung open and Sophia entered, looking frazzled. “Nikki, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
Nikki lifted a brow and gestured to the kitchen. “Somehow, I think you knew this is exactly where I would be. It’s sort of my job at the moment.”
Not for long .
She couldn’t think like that. She needed to be strong.
Not only for Paxton, but for herself.
Sophia moved closer to her and leaned her forearms atop the counter across from Nikki. The island in the middle of the kitchen was the perfect place to prep everything, and soon it would be covered with ingredients. But for now, it was the only barrier keeping the two of them separated. “I’ve been thinking a lot about last week.”
Nikki stiffened. She’d asked Sophia to drop it. She didn’t want to talk about Mateo or what had happened. Why was Sophia bringing it up now? Did she know something? Nikki’s eyes slid to her phone, and now she found herself wishing she hadn’t deleted the message from Caroline. Maybe there was a chance she could call the phone company to retrieve it.
“Nikki,” Sophia said forcibly and reached for Nikki’s hand. “You need to talk about it. You need to tell me what happened so I can help.”
“You can’t help though, Sophia. This isn’t about you. This is about me and Mateo, and there’s nothing that can be done.” He wanted Caroline. He’d never denied it. And his actions had proved it.
Her friend squeezed her hand. “Look, I get it. He’s got baggage, but Mateo?—”
“I didn’t care about his baggage, Sophia,” she muttered with exasperation, tugging her hand free. “I cared about him. I…” Tears sprang to her eyes as the torrent of emotions burst out. “I loved him. He was everything to me. He made me feel…” She sucked in a shuddering breath. “He made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world.”
She turned away, hating the embarrassment that came with that confession. The insecurities she’d dealt with for her entire life had been laid out for Sophia’s viewing pleasure, and now there was no hiding it.
“Nikki—” Sophia rounded the island, but Nikki stopped her.
“Don’t. Okay? There’s nothing to fix. If there was, it would have already happened. Honestly? I want to let it go. I’m tired of chasing something that isn’t meant to be.”
“You don’t know that,” she said quietly.
“But I do. You wouldn’t understand.” Nikki shut her eyes tight. Sophia was the epitome of perfection. She wasn’t a stick by any means, but she was slender and toned. Her work with the horses had made her someone who turned heads wherever she went. Coupled with her dark hair and perfect skin tone—Sophia could have been a goddess in another life. She’d never grasp what Caroline had put Nikki through.
Thankfully, Sophia didn’t argue. She simply pulled Nikki into her arms and held her tight. And for now, that was all Nikki needed.
* * *
Sophia : Hey, I got a new horse today. He doesn’t have a name. Think Paxton would want to do the honors?
It was getting late. Dinner had been cleaned up, and Paxton was coloring away in his book. Nikki glanced over at him and smiled. “Sophia has a surprise for you in the barn. You want to check it out?”
His head popped up, and his grin was the only thing worth living for. “Really? Is she getting me a horse?”
Nikki laughed, holding out her hand. “No. Sorry, bud, but we don’t have the money for something like that. But it’s close.”
He frowned with concentration. “What is it?”
“It’s a surprise, silly,” she poked him in the ribs, and he laughed as he held his stomach.
They walked hand in hand toward the barn, and Nikki glanced around them. She knew she shouldn’t be looking for Mateo, but she’d seen him only once today, and that was on her way to start lunch. She’d forced herself to look away before he caught her staring. Nikki was so over the embarrassment of longing for someone who would never want her in the same way.
She thought it would have been easier by now. But apparently her heart wasn’t ready to let go.
Paxton glanced up at her, and she squeezed his hand as she smiled back. He was her whole world now. She’d focus on that and nothing else.
Sophia waved them over, grinning broadly. “He’s over here.”
Paxton released Nikki’s hand and ran forward. “Who?”
“The new horse.” Sophia glanced at Nikki, and something in her eyes said there was more to what was happening. “I’ve already got him saddled for you. But you need to pick a name.”
Paxton stared at her with wide eyes. “I get to name him?”
She nodded. “You get to name him, kiddo.”
Paxton scrunched up his face with concentration after getting a good look at the chestnut horse. “Mmm. How about…” he drawled. “Dragon.”
Sophia laughed. “That’s quite a name.”
“It is,” Nikki agreed.
“I think it’s perfect,” a low, timbered voice uttered behind her.
Nikki jumped, and Paxton turned to smile at the one person she wasn’t ready to see up close. Mateo’s fingertips brushed against hers, and she sucked in sharply.
“What do you say I help you take him for a ride in the corral?” Sophia asked, her eyes landing on Nikki. She was going to be sorry for this.
“Can I, Mom?” Paxton asked. “Mateo says I’m good enough to start working with my own horse now. Right, Mateo?”
Nikki stiffened, not wanting to turn around to look the man she still loved in the eye.
This time his voice was close.
Too close.
It came right behind her left ear, and it set off a wave of goosebumps all across her arms. “Absolutely.”
Before she knew what was happening, Sophia was leading Paxton past her and Mateo toward the door.
Nikki spun to follow, but Mateo stepped into her path, his broad body cutting her off. She lifted her chin to meet those eyes, and the world all but fell away at her feet. “Sorry,” she mumbled, attempting to move past him. But he side-stepped again. She frowned. “What do you need, Mateo?”
He cleared his throat, and the Adam’s apple at his throat bobbed. “We need to talk.”
She shook her head. “No, we don’t. We both said everything we needed to.”
“I need to ask you one more question.”
Nikki dropped her gaze to a spot just over his shoulder. “Fine. What is it?”
“Do you love me?”
Against her will, her eyes darted to meet his. She’d never been a good liar, and she knew if she denied it, he’d know. It wasn’t even worth trying. “I don’t see what that has anything to do with?—”
He stepped into her, his voice huskier than before. “Do. You. Love. Me?”
Her throat dried up and closed all at once. She couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t fair. He’d plunged a knife into her chest, and now he was twisting it. “You know I do,” she rasped. “I think I always have.” Fury laced the last couple of words.
Mateo tilted his head, studying her.
Hot, angry tears burned her eyes, and she shook her head when he didn’t say anything more. “I have to go?—”
His arm reached out and he gently wrapped his fingers around her wrist, stopping her escape. “I’ve kept so many secrets from you,” he whispered. “So many secrets that I should have just shared. Then we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, like the fact that you were seeing Caroline.”
He flinched, and she almost felt guilty for hitting that nerve. “You were in communication with her too, were you not?”
Her brows lifted, and her face burned with guilt and indignation. “I was…” She gritted her teeth and looked away, attempting to pull her arm from his grasp. “Let me go, Mateo,” she begged. “ Please .”
With his free hand, he reached out and traced a finger along her jaw. She didn’t even have the strength to pull her away.
“You’re right,” he said, and her heart sagged with pain. “I should have told you that Caroline was trying to reconnect. But it was very much one-sided.”
She jerked her chin away from his touch with a huff. “That’s not what she said.”
He closed his eyes as if praying for the strength to finish this conversation. “You and I both know how senseless it is to believe anything that comes from her mouth.”
Nikki stopped her attempt to retreat. He was right. Caroline knew how to twist things. She lifted her eyes to meet his. “But I saw you. I saw the flowers you gave her. She was the girl from your past?—”
His hold on her wrist tightened. “ You . You were the girl from my past, Nikki. Don’t you get it? You were the girl that I couldn’t get out of my head. You were the person who was worth another broken heart. You were the only one capable of making me want to try again—to have a family.”
Her mouth parted. “What?”
Mateo tugged her closer, his other hand now clasped against the side of her neck as he brushed a forgotten tear with his thumb. “You were the crush who got away,” he whispered. “You are the beautiful, kind, spirited woman who makes me feel like anything is possible. You don’t know how sorry I am for not telling you the truth about that day—the day I bumped into Caroline. Those flowers were for you, and she’d made me so mad that I forgot to grab them on my way out.”
Nikki shivered. The note had been for her? He’d wanted something with her for all of these years? She would have laughed at the impossibility of it, but then there would be no explanation for why he was here pouring his heart out to her.
“I should have never let Caroline get into my head. I should have trusted you.” Pain laced his voice. “You’ve never done anything to warrant me not giving you the benefit of the doubt.”
Except she had. She’d lied about meeting Caroline. They both had. The irony of that situation wasn’t lost on her, and she let out a disparaging laugh. So much pain and suffering could have been avoided if she’d come clean about seeing her. “I thought…” She shut her eyes, and more tears spilled. “I thought you were still in love with her.”
Mateo made a disgruntled sound, and she peered up at him to see him making a disgusted face to match it. “I would never choose her again.” He released her and cupped her face with both hands. “I would never choose anyone over you.”
Her chest burned. The smoldering embers of the relationship they’d been building had new life breathed into it.
“I love you, Nikki. I never stopped loving you. I came here to ask you for another chance.” He sucked in a deep breath and released it heavily. “But I’d understand if you don’t want to give it to me.”
“Mateo,” she whispered, reaching up to touch his face.
“Please,” he said, leaning into her touch. “Let me spend the rest of my life proving just how much I love?—”
She cut him off with her lips, capturing his mouth in a searing kiss that neither one of them would soon forget. It was pain, heartache, hope, and forgiveness all wrapped up in one.
Mateo scooped her into his arms, holding her like he was afraid she’d disappear at any second. There was a desperation in the way he kissed her back, to the way he clung to her.
And it mirrored her own.
He pulled away just enough to press his forehead to hers. “Tell me you’re mine.”
Nikki hesitated for only a moment. “I’m yours,” she murmured breathlessly.
“Only mine, and not some bartender’s in town,” he added.
A smile tugged at her lips, and she feathered her fingers through his hair. “Only yours,” she whispered just before stealing another kiss.