Chapter 46 #2
“So, you're just going to run away?!” She gasped, dropping back in horror.
“I am going to train,” he said, his voice low, each word slow and deliberate.
“I am going to fight and work out until my muscles are sore and my anger is gone.
In the meantime, you should do whatever you need in order to calm down as well.
And when we're both calmer, I will return, and we will continue this conversation and you will tell me the truth.”
She crossed her arms, trying to appear fierce and confident even as her heart ached like it was shattering in her chest.
“If you even want to listen,” she murmured under her breath.
He turned and nearly broke the door panel, slamming his hand against it so hard that the screen cracked, before marching out.
Peony watched him go, somehow shocked that he was actually leaving.
And while a distant part of her appreciated that he was willing to put an argument on hold when they were both clearly too emotional to have it rationally, most of her didn't want to give him that credit right now and only wanted to nurse her hurt.
Turning, she walked to the bed, grabbed a pillow off of it, and with a yell, threw it at the door that had long closed behind him.
The tiny expression of anger broke her.
Sobbing, she collapsed to her knees beside the bed, burying her face in her hands as her entire body shook.
How had that gone so wrong?
She expected that Atem would be disbelieving. She even understood where he was coming from. But she didn't think he would just immediately assume that she was definitely lying and not even give her the benefit of the doubt.
Although, considering what she knew about his trust issues, maybe that wasn't such a baffling idea after all.
Sniffling pitifully, she sank down onto her butt with a plop, pointlessly wiping away tears that only continued to flow.
That really could not have gone any worse. But would it have killed him to even pretend to entertain the idea that what she said was true? As she had said before, they would all figure it out when she pushed the thing out anyway, so it's not like he had to pretend forever.
She winced at her own thought.
The thing?
Was that really how she was going to think of her baby?
Rubbing her belly, she whispered softly, “I'm sorry. Mommy didn't mean that. And daddy didn't mean to react the way he did. He's just... surprised. He'll be excited once he realizes the truth. He'll love you. I know he will.”
She had to believe that. She had to believe that the male who would be such a devoted father to his enemy's son would be equally as loving and responsible to his own baby.
Unless, she thought with a rising sense of dread, he really was like a human man.
Maybe raising your enemy's kids was a thing on Turv?
Maybe that's just something that domini did.
Defeat a foe, claim his riches, and raise his children as your own as the ultimate victory, kind of thing.
What if he didn't actually want his own baby?
Worse, what if, convinced that it wasn't his, he turned her out? Was this lie he thought she told bad enough to end their relationship? The way he stormed out of here certainly hadn't been at all promising.
And what if, when he returned, he still refused to believe? To listen? To even consider that what she was saying might be true?
Groaning in pain, all of it centered on her heart, Peony curled up around her flat belly, clutching the baby close as though to protect it.
“Mama loves you. No matter what, baby. I promise you that. And you're going to have the greatest four aunties in the world.”
As she sat there, leaning back against her bed, she slowly became aware of a creeping sense of wrongness that began to pervade her body. She shuddered, at first, not even recognizing it as anything different from the lingering unhappiness of their fight.
But as it got worse and worse, she realized what was happening.
That anxiety.
The medication.
It had worn off.
And Atem hadn't gotten close enough or stayed long enough for her to catch his scent and stave it off for a few hours more.
She moaned softly, rocking in place, as her heart began to speed up, her belly clenched in fear sending her stomach rolling as her body broke out into gooseflesh.
The urge to run wasn't strong like it had been before.
Not while she was in her own room, with her own nest at her back.
Instead of wanting to run, she just wanted to hide.
No, she wanted her mate back.
But he was gone and likely wouldn't be back for hours.
Crying, she leapt to her feet and sprinted from the room.
***
“Stupid jerk!” Peony yelled, blowing her nose as Hattie patted her back, making soft sounds of comfort like she was a hurt puppy.
She felt like a hurt puppy.
Her friends hadn't finished their impromptu party when she had left before – the urge to mess with her room had started already and she decided to indulge it. When she ran back, crying as she rushed inside, the mood turned abruptly.
Now, eating a crunchy mushroom that almost tasted like caramel if she pretended hard enough – it was the closest thing she had to chocolate on this planet – she poured her heart out to her friends.
She told them every detail of the fight and how she had hoped that, by coming to them, she might be able to mitigate her separation anxiety.
But it had done nothing. Now she was hurt from the fight, anxious that Atem wasn't there, and eager to get back to her nest so she could replace the pillow she had thrown because, for some reason, that was a huge sticking point in her mind.
“These new instincts suck,” she grumbled, wiping angrily at her eyes.
Hattie pulled her in close, tucking her into her side. And that actually did help a bit. Not with the separation anxiety, but with the hurt from the argument. Hattie gave the best hugs. Her curvy body was soft, warm, and she squeezed exactly perfect.
“Sorry, Peony,” Alanna patted her knee where she sat on the floor in front of her. “Guys suck.”
“Guys do suck,” Scarlet agreed, handing her another almost-caramel mushroom.
Peony took it with a sniff, but she didn't bother to take a bite.
Damn it all, the only thing she wanted to have right now was a bloodshake, but she was scared to drink one in case it made her sick, but she also didn't want to not drink one since her baby needed it.
What she really needed was a mate or a doctor that believed her words.
“Scarlet, how early can I get scanned tomorrow?” She asked, looking at the darkening sky. The healing center would be closed by now to all but emergencies and, not counting the emotional emergency, this didn't qualify.
“First thing in the morning,” she promised. “I'll be right there with you.”
“I'd rather Atem be right there with me. But he didn’t even listen!” She sniffed sadly. “And I don't think he wants the baby. Oh, god, what if this is like a deal breaker for him?”
“It can't be,” Alanna shrugged, unconcerned. “The domini mate for life. The moment you went through the mating ceremony, his brain switched. You're the only one he can love and desire now.”
“She's right,” Scarlet confirmed. “It's a whole hormonal, instinctual thing. He's yours for life. He may be mad, but it literally cannot be a deal breaker.”
“Yeah, well, I 'literally cannot' be pregnant either, so I'm not putting much faith in biological impossibilities right now,” she mumbled, earning a wince of sympathy from the redhead.
Holly patted her shoulder at her other side. “Hey, this isn't so bad.”
“He ran away!”
“No, he stepped back. So he could cool down. That was the right thing. If you two had devolved to just insulting each other, then you were too angry to argue effectively. Separating and giving each other time to calm was the best choice.”
“Except I haven't been around him all day, and now I feel like I'm two minutes away from ripping my skin off.”
Holly grimaced. “Yeah, that's... not ideal.”
“Is this a deal breaker for you, Peony?” Hattie asked, her tone calm as she pet her head. Peony wasn't sure why Hattie thought she'd be a great mom. As far as Peony could see, Hattie had the nurturing thing down pat.
She shook her head. “I'm not even really mad about him not accepting this easily.
I get it. I really do. It's like if one of you told me you sprouted wings and flew yesterday.
Of course, I wouldn't believe you. Like, I get that I told him something impossible and I would have been fine with him having trouble believing that.
But to just outright accuse me of lying?
To not even be willing to listen? It just proved that he doesn't trust me at all.”
Alanna covered her knees with her hands, smiling up at her. “Look, I won't tell you to forgive him or not forgive him. But you two are bonded for life now and I can tell you that your auras are never so clear as when you're around each other. You practically resonate with harmony.”
“You think?” Peony asked, hoping that was a good thing. It sounded like a good thing.
Alanna nodded once, definitively. “Absolutely. You know, I've been studying ancient domini while I've been working my way through the Omoni Otorsi. There's a lot of info in there. The mating bond is something incredibly important to these people. They're a very hierarchical society, you know-”
“Is that a word?” Hattie asked, chuckling.
“-and titles mean a lot. They become your name. When Atem gave us the title of vora vakara, it became our names. I'm not Alanna Townsend anymore. I'm Vora Vakara Alanna. At least on Turv. And you, Peony? You're not Peony... er, actually, I don't know your last name.”
“Hoffman,” Peony laughed.
“Yeah, that. You're not Peony Hoffman. You're Adassani Seerin Siria Vora Vakara Peony.”
“Wow. All that's my name, huh?” She said, wondering where Alanna was going with this, but not unwilling to make the trip with her.
Alanna nodded. “We didn't get extra names. Atem only called you Seerin Siria.”
“Water Bearer Peony,” she chuckled. “It's got a special ring to it.”
“Actually, that's not really what seerin siria translates to.
I mean, it does, and considering you did, in fact, bear him water, that's definitely one translation that he meant to have.
But in ancient domini, seerin was most often the word used for 'life'.
Water was life. You can't live without it.
The two are linked. He didn't call you 'water bearer', Peony. He called you his 'life bringer'.”
Peony, stunned, felt tears well up. “He did?”
Alanna smiled. “Atem loves you. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. He wouldn't have given you that name if he didn't.”
Peony sniffed, wiping at her eyes as she smiled despite the pain. “Well, who can argue with that?”
“Exactly.” Alanna held her head high. “I'm very good at reading people and relationships.
You two have something great and it's worth fighting for.
Atem has issues, you know? I read about how his father's friend betrayed and killed him.
Seeing something like that would give anyone trust issues.
His mind is always going to go to the worst place first. It's just who he is.”
“I know that,” she whispered, sitting back on the cushion. “I'm not asking him to believe me. I just want him to listen and, maybe, hope.”
Scarlet reached over the back of the cushion and put her hands on Peony's shoulders. “You're going to get scanned tomorrow, right?”
Peony swallowed back the immediate surge of fear that came with the idea of being scanned again so soon.
This was more important. And Scarlet was right.
She was carrying a hybrid, she needed to be extra careful with that kind of thing.
The life of her miracle baby was more important than indulging her phobia.
“Then, no matter what, he'll know for sure tomorrow.”
Hattie grinned, nudging her side. “And just think of the 'I told you so' card you'll get to pull when you get the results.”
Peony chuckled again, nodding. “Thanks, guys. You're the best.”
“We're here for you, Peony,” Holly promised, squeezing her hand. “No matter what.”
She smiled at them. “And I'm here for you. No matter what you guys need. I might hate the ratchi for kidnapping us, but I'm not disappointed that it brought you into my life.”
The girls 'aww...'ed with affection, a big group hug converging on her from all sides. Their combined warmth and love and safety almost drove away her separation anxiety.
Almost.
But not quite and, having been successfully calmed down, she returned to the safety of her room. It wasn't the same as having Atem by her, but the scent of his pillow, hugging it to her chest as she sat in the middle of the painstakingly repaired nest, helped a little.
She remained right there, breathing through the pillow like it was the only source of oxygen in the room, for a few hours. Until the sun had set and the room darkened. She didn't bother to order the lights on, preferring the safety of the darkness.
This instinct thing was super strong. She was pretty sure she had human ones, but them being part of her meant she never noticed them. It just made these new alien ones, implanted in her brain by her alien fetus, much more powerful.
At least, that's what she assumed was happening.
Alien baby, alien pregnancy. She was sure there was a more scientific explanation, but she didn't even understand why human pregnancies caused the symptoms they did.
That was something for Scarlet and Donivi to figure out.
And she hoped they did it soon so she knew her baby was safe.
As the hours passed, her anxiety grew into an incessant screaming in her head. She was on the verge of running to Atem before he was finished being mad when the door finally slid open. He called out for the lights to come on as he stepped inside, eyes going to her.
Neither of them said anything for long minute. The strain of the argument, the words they had already said, rang out in the silence. He looked around her at her nest and she saw him wince but he maintained his silence as she uncoiled herself and set his pillow aside so she could stand.
She rose but only managed a single step his way.
He saw her reluctance and his expression hardened before he stalked towards her, eyes bright and determined.