Chapter 20
Survii
The human country of China was a fascinating mix of ancient and modern.
It wasn’t the first such city he had visited that had a similar combination, but he could admit they were rare.
Modernization typically did not care for the past, so seeing the eras blended together was fascinating, and as beautiful as it was incongruous.
In between touring palaces and temples and cities, they were debating with the humans.
Trying to get their deal worked out. The humans, as he expected, were trying to get as much as possible out of the trade agreement – as that was where their primary interest lay.
The domini were more focused on the experiments and mating options – because that was most important to them.
The humans, in turn, were trying to limit that, specifically to use it for bargaining purposes.
It was mostly just a lot of talking. Back and forth, again and again. Survii enjoyed it. The verbal games were fun, in an odd way. They were a challenge with real stakes that were played very slowly and deliberately.
And when they weren’t doing that, they were touring China. Planning their next trip. Speaking to more people. Survii liked that as well.
But what he really loved was watching Alanna experience it all.
The most important part of his job was gathering information.
Communicating with people was more than just a language.
Doing so effectively was more than just recognizing a difference in culture.
He had learned how to read people and how best to reach them ten times over, in tens of different ways, in tens of different languages – and not all of them verbal.
He applied those skills to Alanna, and for the first few days in China, he watched.
The job of being ambassador was one she fulfilled flawlessly. She spoke clearly, concisely. She advocated for her people and gave her opinion readily and logically. But he could see that doing so was a chore to her. Something she had to do, not something that brought her joy.
But when they were touring the Imperial Palace and Forbidden City, when they were meeting so many interesting people, she came alive. She loved learning about them and their homes. She loved speaking to them, even though she didn’t understand their tongue despite being human.
And when she was interested in things, she didn’t dissociate as often.
The moments of dissociation – ‘zoning out’ she called it – happened at least once a day. It was nothing insidious and it could range from a few seconds to almost an hour. She didn’t have trouble taking care of herself, she didn’t get hurt or walk into traffic or anything, she just kind of… stopped.
Usually, it was when she was fascinated with some kind of sensation.
A song would catch her ear and she would begin swaying or dancing to it, unconcerned about where they were or what they were doing.
Her fingers would begin working the silk of the cheongsam she had been given as a gift or the roughness of the thick paper she was holding or the squishiness of the chair she was sitting in, and she would just forget where she was until she was done enjoying it. Rarely, it was a scent or a taste.
It was like she was content enjoying that single sensation with the whole of her body and mind until everything else faded away into nothing. A dreamy smile would come over her face and she would just be there, trapped in the sensation, until something pulled her out.
The others were used to it. They knew if they called her name and she didn’t answer, it meant they likely needed to touch her arm or shoulder. Or they would just wait and move around her, not even remarking upon it if she started dancing or swishing her skirt or playing with a necklace.
But then, if she came out of it naturally, there was always this moment, a few seconds, where she was obviously confused.
She would blink rapidly, look around, reorient herself.
Her real smile, which had previously come from whatever joy she had been finding in that single sensation, would turn into her fake smile as she tried to figure out what was going on.
Survii got the feeling that she didn’t always want those times to happen.
At least, not when she was in the middle of something else.
She seemed less disoriented if they happened while they were traveling or eating dinner or something equally mundane.
It was when she was out, surrounded by others, or supposed to be focusing, that it really seemed to make her uneasy.
Luckily, it was just as easy to break her out of the trances as it seemed for her to go into them.
If her name didn't do it, a touch would, and Survii certainly had no problems reaching for her at any random time of day.
She was dancing, he put a hand on her back. She was fidgeting with something, he took hold of her neck. She was staring off into space, lost to a sensation he couldn’t identify but was clearly enough to claim the entirety of her mind, he took her shoulder.
He wasn’t yet bold enough to grab her hand. Though he knew, by study, that humans didn't put quite the same importance on the action as the domini, it was still something reserved for those that were close. Alanna did not consider him that yet. By his own folly.
She didn't fight him when he touched her elsewhere though. She would blink, startled, but she would always lean into his touch. Like it was grounding her.
But he quickly discovered if he did it too long, she would get that look on her face again. And he realized that she had once again become entranced, but this time, the sensation that made her mindless was his skin moving across hers.
He kriking loved that.
But it did kind of render the point of touching her moot, so he tried to walk the line between waking her up and putting her back under.
And on their last day in China, before they moved on – to a place called England, he was told – he borrowed the comm again so he could call Navine.
He had chosen to do so when it was just himself and Alanna.
Not that she knew they were alone. She had dissociated while they were enjoying breakfast and hadn’t realized everyone else had returned to their rooms. She didn't realize he was comming Navine until he had the comm sitting on the table between them and the new voice startled her back into the present.
They discussed business for a moment, but that wasn’t the reason he had called her. Already, Alanna looked on the verge of running out of the room. So, he moved on quickly.
“Alanna, will you watch the comm for me for a moment?” He asked, standing. “I forgot my notes in my room. I need to go get them.”
She opened her mouth, but before she could protest – or reasonably put out that he could just take the comm with him – he was already up and out of the room.
He hadn’t told Navine he would be comming her, or that he would be leaving her to talk to Alanna like this, but he felt they needed this moment. Alanna needed to hear the truth from Navine’s mouth, unfiltered. And, if nothing else, he could trust that Navine would be unfiltered.
She would tell her that Survii was an idiot. That their relationship was purely physical and completely finished. She would tell her that he had been fighting against his own feelings. She would make fun of him for it, he was sure, but at least it would be the truth.
Though he was tempted to linger and eavesdrop, he did, in fact, walk back to his room. Whatever they discussed, even if it made him look bad, he would deal with it. So long as the air was cleared between them.