Chapter 26
RIVER
The days seemed to bleed into each other.
River couldn’t explain what had her feeling so…
gray. She refused to accept that it had anything to do with Mathew and the way she’d felt betrayed by his silence.
Because if she were honest with herself, she couldn’t say she understood at all what he might have been going through.
Penny had implied that Mathew went through a nasty divorce.
Or that, at the very least, the end of their relationship had been hard on him.
She knew better than anyone how easy it was to keep secrets about one’s past. She’d kept a lot of the nitty-gritty details of her own issues buried when she was around most people.
And that had included Mathew.
There were reasons why people kept the ugliest parts of themselves hidden.
Especially when it came to impressing others.
She’d liked Mathew from the start. He’d been a grump, and yet he’d made her smile.
She’d been drawn to him, and there was no way she would have let herself weigh him down with the traumas of her past.
Were there similar reasons for Mathew to keep a past relationship as important as a marriage from her?
Victoria hadn’t seemed crazy when they’d met, but River couldn’t completely rule out that the woman might have issues.
Mathew’s secret could very well relate to his need to protect his new relationship.
She sighed, realizing she’d zoned off once again when she should be working.
Today was a slow day despite the farm being incredibly busy.
Rose and Emerson continued to check in on her while they went about their work.
So did the rest of Rose’s sisters. It was all hands on deck, and part of River wondered if she’d be more help in the fields than in the hangar.
“I’m heading to town,” Emerson called out from the doorway. “Want me to pick up anything for you?”
“Where are you headed?” River asked, propping a hip up against a cabinet.
“To… town?” His brows furrowed, confusion filling his features.
“No, I mean what stores. I’m not going to ask you to go out of your way for me.”
“Ask away.” Emerson chuckled. “I don’t mind. But in answer to your question, I’m grabbing coffee with someone.”
River wagged her brows with delight. “A female someone?”
A smile tugged at her friend’s lips. “Yes, a female someone.”
“And are you going to let me know who this someone is? Or will I have to get the Cliff Notes after the fact?”
He laughed. “You know her. But I’m not sure anything will come of it. The invitation was a little out of the blue.” His eyes sparkled with mischief. “But who knows? Seeds have grown in stranger conditions.”
River snorted. “Yeah, okay. Go have fun on your date, Mr. Philosopher. And bring me back a croissant. I’m craving carbs.”
“You got it.” Emerson left, and River turned with hands on hips back to the hangar.
The place could use some organizing. Then she could do a tune-up on one of the older tractors that hadn’t been taken out in a while.
Anything to keep herself busy before she had to work on something else.
George and Rose had told her she should advertise her services to folks around town who needed work done on their farming equipment and vehicles, especially since the auto shop was usually swamped with repairs for the vehicles in town.
Maybe she’d write something up and hand it out to the ranches and farms closest. She took a step toward the workbench at the far side of the hangar when Rose’s voice stopped her.
“Hey, I have a huge favor. You busy?”
Turning, River plastered on her widest smile. “I’m sure I can help out. Need some extra hands out there?”
Rose shook her head and a frown marred her pretty face. She scratched the back of her neck, then sighed. “Jason called. He said his truck was making a funny noise, and when he got to work, he saw smoke. I don’t know what’s going on, but he’s refusing to take it to the auto shop.”
River’s eyes widened. “Did he say if his engine light has been on?”
Rose huffed. “No. All he said was that he didn’t trust anyone but you to look at it, and he was freaking out.
He said he can’t even get home, let alone out here.
Believe me, I tried to get him to agree to have someone tow it here, but he made a big stink about the whole thing. Guys and their cars, right?”
River was already digging in her pockets for her keys. “What you described is pretty bad. I’d say you cut him some slack when it comes to his truck. You ready?”
Rose frowned. “I can’t go with you. Dad would have my hide if I left right now.
My sisters aren’t exactly much help when it comes to organizing and getting this stuff done, and my dad said Mathew…
” Her voice trailed off. “Anyway, he doesn’t have as much help as he’s used to, so I have to stay. I could see if we could spare Lily.”
River shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I have to go to the hospital. And it’s not even the lunch rush yet. I doubt I’ll bump into him.” She didn’t have to say Mathew’s name for them to both know who she was talking about.
If she was honest with herself, she’d admit that she was getting tired of hiding. She nearly called him last night just to see if he’d be willing to talk to her. Having the unknown hanging over her head was getting to her, and all she really wanted was for things to feel normal again.
“I’ll call you if I need anything.”
Rose grimaced. “Maybe call Emerson since he’s in town right now. I don’t think he’d want to leave his date, but if it’s an emergency, then he’s your guy.”
“Got it.” River nodded. “See you later.”
River pulled into the parking lot of the café and glanced around.
She didn’t see Mathew’s car. That was a good sign, even if it made her feel somewhat disappointed.
Maybe this was a sign that she should reach out to him.
They could have a little chat and then decide where to go from there.
If she told him to leave her alone, she had little doubt he’d respect her wishes.
Did she even want that?
The time she’d spent away from Mathew had been incredibly difficult and lonely, despite the fact that Emerson and Rose had been constant companions. The way Mathew made her feel was different.
She sat in her truck staring at the café for long moments.
Would Jason think it was weird if she asked him to draw Mathew here so they could talk without distractions?
What was she thinking? She couldn’t drag Jason into this mess.
And she was still very much on the fence over whether or not she even wanted to see Mathew.
The next time they spoke would be difficult.
Like pulling a buried splinter from her finger.
Necessary to move the healing along.
River blew out a breath and climbed out of her truck. She shut the door and moved toward Jason’s. Light glinted off the glass of the café door, and she called out, “I’m going to need your keys so I can pop the hood.”
Then she glanced over her shoulder and froze.
Mathew stood just outside the café, hands deep in his pockets, looking like he’d been running his hands through his hair all morning. A layer of scruff darkened his jaw, and that rougher version of him did things to her she didn’t want to examine too closely.
“That won’t be necessary,” he said, though he didn’t move toward her.
Her voice came out rougher than she intended. “Why not?”
“Because there’s nothing wrong with the truck.”
Her brows furrowed. “I was told there was.”
A faint, weary smile touched his mouth. “This is Jason we’re talking about. He’d never let it get bad enough to start smoking.”
Understanding hit all at once.
Of course this was a setup.
She should’ve seen through it immediately. Rose should have too.
River folded her arms and glanced toward her truck, wondering if she should just leave—prolong the inevitable for another day.
“Don’t,” Mathew said.
Her eyes snapped back to him. “Don’t what?”
He moved closer, his hands now held up like he was approaching a wild animal. “Just… can we talk?”
She nibbled on her lip. “Mathew…”
“Just hear me out. Let me explain.”
Holding the tool bag in front of her like a shield, she watched him continue his approach. Her heart sped up, but it wasn’t the same painful tempo that she’d experienced when she saw him with Victoria. “Okay.”
He stopped suddenly, his eyes full of disbelief. “Really?”
“Sure. I can give you that much.”
Relief had the muscles in his shoulders relaxing. He didn’t make any attempt to move closer, nor did he speak. She wondered in part if he needed to collect his thoughts because he hadn’t expected her to accept his request so quickly.
River glanced around the parking lot, then nodded toward the café. “Maybe we should find a place to sit.”
“Right. Yeah.” He nodded. “That sounds good.”
She walked past him and into the building. Ignoring the guilty look Jason shot her from behind the counter, she chose a table and sat down, waiting for Mathew to speak.
He sat across from her and stared at his hands for a moment. “I got married young,” he said at last. “She came from the kind of family that expected her to marry a lawyer or a…”
“Or a doctor,” River said quietly.
His eyes lifted to hers. “Yeah.”
He looked back down. “At first, it worked. Or maybe we just thought it did. I was busy, but we both expected that. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with pouring everything into work.
” His gaze flicked up again, and she knew he was talking about more than his marriage.
“But after a while, it stopped working. We barely saw each other. We fought more than we talked. And by the end, I think we were both miserable.”
River stayed still, letting him keep going.
“We split on good terms. Nothing vindictive occurred. But I think it messed me up a little, which is one of the biggest reasons I didn’t tell you.” Mathew finally looked up at her and the remorse shone in his eyes.
“Is that the only reason you didn’t tell me?” she asked, working harder than ever to keep her shields up.
Mathew exhaled slowly. When he looked at her again, there was no defensiveness in his face, only regret.
“I felt like I’d failed,” he said plainly.
“Not just at marriage. At… building the life I thought I was supposed to have. I had the title, the career, the wedding. But I couldn’t make the rest of it work.
No family. No kids. No solid ground.” His jaw tightened.
“And I didn’t want you looking at me and seeing someone who couldn’t hold it together. ”
Her chest tightened hard at that.
“Most of all,” he said, quieter now, “I didn’t want you to hear about my past and decide I’d only disappoint you too.”
River’s eyes widened before she looked away. She’d never wanted to see him as a failure. And yet, hearing all of this, she could also feel her own hurt shifting, making room for something more complicated.
It was too much. Too fast. Too raw.
Without a word, she pushed back from the table and stood.
“River—”
She grabbed her tool bag and walked out before the tears gathering in her eyes could fully betray her.
She didn’t want to go home. She needed space to think. Space where his face wasn’t right in front of her and his voice wasn’t making everything harder.
The coffee shop down the street was the first place she saw, so she parked and went inside.
She didn’t even bother ordering. She just dropped into the first chair near the door and stared at the table, trying to get her breathing under control.
What Mathew had said made sense.
That was the problem.
It didn’t excuse anything. It didn’t erase the hurt. But it made sense, and now she didn’t know where to put all the anger she’d been using to hold herself upright.
Would he keep other things from her? Was this the only secret? Was he really ready for what he said he wanted?
The chair across from her scraped against the floor, and Mathew sat down, his expression tight with concern.
She blinked, and only then did she realize a tear had slipped free.
He reached across the table and brushed it away with his thumb before pulling his hand back like he wasn’t sure he had the right.
Then he drew in a breath. “Did I ever tell you about the summer I learned to ride a bike?”
A ghost of a smile tugged at her lips. “No, you didn’t.”
Mathew reached for her hands and clasped them within his own. “I was a late bloomer. Promise not to judge?”
“I promise,” she whispered.
He leaned in slightly. “I was seventeen.”