Chapter 17
MATTEO
My father hiring Elizabeth to work for me, then getting her to report to me, is turning out to be far more complicated than I expected.
I had to jerk myself off last night and the night before that just to get some sleep. I can't stop thinking about how dinner turned out, a few nights ago. I shouldn't have suggested that we get a bite to eat, together, but she was hungry, and so was I.
It made sense.
The problem is, whenever I'm around her, my professionalism goes out of the window. I wonder if it's because of how we met, trapped in the elevator. I wonder if things would have been different had that not happened.
Not that I'd have it any other way.
I like having her around, but going to that wine bar? Risky. Foolish, even, and yet I don’t regret it. After that it feels like things have changed a little between us. The pull seems stronger.
I knew she was checking out my arms when I was driving.
Could feel her gaze from my periphery, but when she touched my tattoos, stroking my skin gently, I wondered what it would be like to have her silky little hands running all over my chest and my back.
How it would feel to have her touch my hard length.
Cup my balls.
And suck.
I shake my head, trying to dislodge these thoughts, but they come thick and fast. No wonder I've had so many sleepless nights since then.
I’ve tried to avoid her. She also hasn't come to see me.
I'm sure she's avoiding me, too. I've had no meetings, and have shuttered myself away in my office.
I figure that if she has anything to tell me, she can come and find me.
I have a lot to do anyway, because I've been looking into doing my own little research, looking through the server logs, looking at people who have worked here in the past, people who were let go, such as the intern and the contractor.
I've not been able to find anything suspicious.
Alex knocks on my half open door and walks in. He was off yesterday.
“Everything okay?” I ask as he slides into the empty chair opposite me. His forehead creases, and he seems a little troubled, which isn’t like him. He's always calm and steady. An asset to the company.
“Yeah.” He nods, like he's trying to convince himself more than he's convincing me.
“If you need to take some more time off—”
“No. It's good. My niece hasn't been well, so I went to see her.”
“This is Sara, right?”
“Zara,” he corrects.
“Sorry. Zara.” I vaguely remember her. Alex asked if he could bring her in for one of those bring-your-child-to-work days. He doesn’t have any children, and he asked me if he could bring his niece. I’d just started working there, and of course I let him.
She must have been about five or six years old, sitting at an empty workstation wearing oversized headphones that kept slipping down over her eyes.
She spent half the afternoon drawing dragons on printer paper and asking endless questions about computers.
Every time Alex looked at her, his entire face changed.
“I'm sorry to hear that. Is she better?”
He presses his lips together, head bobbing like he's uncertain. “Maybe. Let’s see.”
I have other questions, but Alex gives me a vibe like he doesn’t want to talk about it.
He doesn't do personal conversations. With him, it's always about work.
He keeps himself to himself. He's a single, no partner as far as I know, and no family to speak of, though he dotes on his sister and his niece.
Sometimes I get the feeling that the company is the closest thing he has to a family of his own.
“Well, let me know if there's anything you need,” I offer, because he’s a prized employee, so if he needs more time off, or anything, it’s his.
“Will do. Thanks. Everything okay with you?”
“Uh … yeah.”
“In other news ...” Alex eyes me like a conspirator. I'm wondering if he's come across more technical issues I need to worry about. I don’t have the headspace to deal with any of that.
“Yeah,” I say, my hands resting on my armrests.
“Sonny got engaged.”
I relax. “He did? Hell. I didn't even know he was seeing anyone.” Sonny's a dark horse, come to think of it. I don't know much about his life outside of work, but he’s a clever guy, and a great asset to the team.
Alex shifts in his seat. “He's been keeping it quiet. I didn't know he was seeing anyone either.”
“How did you find out?”
“Overheard him on the phone. When I pressed him further he told me he proposed.” Alex winks. “We're all going for drinks tonight to celebrate.”
“We are?”
“Yeah.”
“Does Sonny know about this?”
“He does now.”
I grin. “Nice.”
“Elizabeth’s coming too.”
Oh, hell.
***
The tech lab empties and I tell Alex I'll be along later.
An arrow of jealousy darts through me as I see all the guys leave.
With Elizabeth.
It's not just the senior tech leads, every other hot-blooded guy is going. I look away. I don't even want to go. I didn't realize Sonny was so popular. But the thought of Elizabeth, the only woman in our midst, sitting with them all irritates me more than it should.
I don't like it.
I don't like that I don't like it.
Why the fuck am I wasting my time thinking about it?
I try to get back to work, but a few seconds later I throw my pen down in frustration, and press my face into my hands.
I can’t stop thinking about her, even when I’m pretending to be busy with work. There's something going on between us. I can feel it, and so can she. It's as undeniable as the coursing of blood through my veins, and yet, I can't have her.
We can't be together.
I'm her boss, but that's not the reason why. Not entirely.
She's only here temporarily. She'll leave, and maybe she'll get a project working abroad or something. Who knows? People have made long distance relationships work. Rio did. Though that was only for a short while.
I get up and pace around my office.
That's not it either. It’s just another lie I'm telling myself.
The truth is, I'm scared.
Scared of falling too deep.
Scared of letting this happen for fear of the worst that could happen. Because this is different, this is something I've never experienced before. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends, and I never cared about getting in too deep. It was mutual respect and good feelings. Great sex, too.
I never worried about the future.
I never thought beyond the present moment.
With Elizabeth, everything feels different. It’s intense. I care about this woman too much, and I shouldn't. I hate it when she skips her lunch, when she puts work in the way of her self-care.
What the fuck is that about?
Rio would piss himself laughing. He'd think I was coming down with something, and sometimes, I wonder what the hell it is that I've come down with ever since Elizabeth Raven walked into my world. I haven't been the same since.
And that's what scares me. To feel this much for her when I don't even know her too well.
What would it be like if we got together?
Love breaks people.
I’ve seen it happen.
Mama loved the old man with everything she had, and it shattered her when she discovered he wasn't the man she’d spend her life believing him to be.
I don’t ever want to give someone that kind of power over me.
And there’s something else, something gnawing in my gut. There's more to Elizabeth than meets the eye. She's the first person we've hired who isn't from an Ivy League college. Hell she doesn't even have a college degree.
There's a piece of information I'm missing, and I'm scared of finding out what it might be.
I hear a knock on the door. My heart jumps with hope as I turn around, but to my dismay, it's only Enzo, and he walks right in.
“What are you doing pacing around?” he asks. He’s too observant for his own good.
“Thinking,” I reply, and sit back down again, before he asks me what’s going on.
“Haven't seen much of you,” he remarks, leaning against the wall, in typical Enzo fashion with his hands in his trouser pockets. Looking like a model.
“Have I missed a Knight family dinner or something?” I ask, mildly irritated that he’s come to see me now when I was just about to make my way to the bar.
“Nothing like that. Father's taking things easy, and I don't expect he’ll host another dinner for a while.”
“With him, you never know,” I mutter, still curious as to the nature of Enzo's visit. “Have you seen him? He looks like death.”
“That’s because he’s in desperate need of a fresh kidney,” Enzo replies, souring my mood because this is one topic I hate talking about. “Jett and Zach are a blood match,” he announces quietly.
My mouth falls open in surprise but I feel a sense of relief all the same, that I'm not the only one. “Me too.”
Enzo straightens, his head jutting forward, like he's shocked. “You as well?”
I nod. “You?”
“Not a match. We've all been tested, and it's only the three of you.”
“I wonder how Zach's dealing with it.” Out of all of us, he cared for the old man.
Cared.
But not anymore.
For as long as we've been around the American Knights, I've watched Zach be the dutiful son, the only one who ever sought his love and approval.
But after finding out what he'd done, Zach disowned him; as much as he could without walking away.
He cold shouldered the old man. It's like a switch flipped inside him and all that care and concern turned to rage and resentment.
Now that he's a possible match, or at least has passed the first of many tests, I wonder how he's handling it.
It doesn't sit too well with me, the idea that I might be able to give the old man a kidney to save his life.
Do I want to do that?
Does he deserve it?
There’s so much to think about, but I feel better hearing that there are others.
“I thought you should know,” Enzo remarks, glancing out of the window.
It’s easy for him to say, because he doesn’t have to wrestle with this decision. He’s out of the running and he’ll sleep well at night.
“Thanks for the update,” I tell him, dryly. “I appreciate it.”