Chapter 29
MATTEO
“Thanks for coming.”
Zach and I have agreed to meet at the bar in the lobby of The Bluebell Manhattan for a drink.
He didn’t choose to come to my apartment or for me go to his, or to meet at work. He wanted neutral territory.
We’re not close, but things are easing up between us. After all, he came for help that time Maya smashed her boss’s laptop and needed someone to work a miracle. I fixed it before anyone noticed. Which is why I’ve been surprised that he hasn’t said a word to me about his decision not to donate.
He sits down and orders a gin martini.
“What’s going on?” I say, taking a sip of my beer, trying to look casual, even though I sense he wants to discuss the other, more serious topic. Something I’d prefer not to think about until I get back from vacation.
“We both matched for the kidney.” He doesn’t wait around. I’m sure it’s weighing on him the same way it is on me.
I clear my throat. “We did.”
“I figured Enzo would tell you.”
“He’s my brother. He felt it was something I needed to know.”
Zach looks uncomfortable. “I know. I know you’re brothers, and I figured he’d tell you before I had a chance to.”
It feels like neither of us wants to talk about this, but it’s as necessary as breathing. “I know you were annoyed when Jett dropped out,” he says, adjusting his tie.
“I wasn’t happy to find out the way I did.”
“I don’t blame you.” He looks at me, his expression serious, though I already know what he’s going to say. “I’m not going to offer the kidney to him.”
“Yeah. That’s what I figured.” Strangely, I’m calmer than I thought I’d be. Maybe because I’d seen this coming. Maybe, because, deep down, I understand why he’s making this choice. I even understand why he chickened out of telling me to my face.
A server places his martini on the table. Zach doesn’t touch it.
He clears his throat again, eyes level with mine. “But we’re brothers too.”
It’s unexpected, and deep, and it punches me right in my chest. He reaches for his martini, but doesn’t pick it up. Seems like he’s still struggling internally with something.
“I need to explain to you why I can’t–”
I cut in. “If I hadn’t matched, would you have done it?”
Zach is the golden son; not that the old man doted on him. He didn’t dote on any of us, but out of all of us, Zach cared for him the most and the old man gave him a kind of grace the rest of us never received.
He expels a loud sigh. “I just can’t. The guy was a predator. Is a predator. What he did to my mom,” Zach says. “What he did to Maya’s mom. I can’t reconcile myself with that.”
Silence falls as my thoughts fill with what happened in the server room that day, when the old man told me that I should just take whatever Elizabeth was offering me. I still get shivers just thinking about it.
Zach’s eyes might have been recently opened to just how despicable our father is, but for all that time before, Zach wanted to believe the best in him. I guess it’s not easy to turn cold on someone you once looked up to, even when they’ve given you every reason to.
“But to answer your question …” Zach says, “If you weren’t in the running and the old man had to find a match further afield, maybe I would. It’s better the kidney coming from a close family member, so if push came to shove, I’d offer, because I’m not like him. I have a heart.”
For a moment, neither of us speaks.
Around us there’s the sound of quiet conversation. Ice clinking against glasses. Deals being made.
I fold my arms, listening, because I can see it’s eating him up. This isn’t an easy decision for Zach. I have no doubt that he’s wrestling with it the same way I am, or maybe he seems to be struggling more, because he was more attached to the old man.
My way of dealing with it is to not think about it.
He undoes the top button of his shirt. “I wanted to meet with you alone to apologize for being a coward, for laying it all on you. Because it comes down to you, right?” His eyes burn into mine.
“Because I’ve said no. But I also want you to know that you can walk away.
The man we call our father is …” He seems to struggle for words.
“He’s not a great guy,” he says, finally. “I know that now.”
I appreciate Zach meeting me in person, and I understand where he’s coming from.
My relationship with the old man isn’t as grey as his.
I’m good at compartmentalizing things, and blocking out what I don’t want to deal with.
It’s why systems and computers are my forte.
Those are things I understand, because they’re inanimate objects. No feelings involved.
He lifts his glass, getting ready to take a sip. “It’s not easy being a Knight.”
“I agree.”
We toast to that.
He takes a long sip, sits back, his shoulders relaxing. “You can walk away, Matteo; that’s what I’m saying. I feel like I’m putting it all on you, and I hate that. We all have free will, right?”
I remember Elizabeth’s words to me. She thinks family is good, and she thinks blood is thicker than water. At least, she did. I don’t know how much of that opinion of hers has changed now that she knows the truth about the Knight family.
But I am my father’s son, and while he wronged Mama, Zach has lost his mother to suicide. And what he recently found out has probably had a big bearing on his decision.
What worries me is that there’s so much we don’t know about him. I dread to think what further investigation would uncover about this man’s abhorrent private affairs.
I don’t want to know.
But I am torn. “I’m going to see my mom. I need her wisdom,” I tell him, because for the life of me, this whole topic of giving a kidney is fucking with my head.
Zach nods. “It’s not easy. I couldn’t sleep properly for days, but having Maya …” He pauses, his gaze shifting to the table, a smile on his lips. “Having her around makes everything easier to deal with.”
I’m beginning to find that out for myself.
***
MATTEO
How is it that we’re going on vacation together already? We leave for Europe in a few days’ time, and I find myself looking forward to it. To leaving all the work and personal stress behind.
Every time I look out of my office and see Elizabeth with her back to me, my insides heat up. All I want is to kiss her and wrap my arms around her. Sometimes, it unnerves me, feeling this happy, and then doubts start to creep in. Like I’m expecting something bad to happen.
The truth is, Elizabeth Raven has affected me in a way I’m not prepared for.
Most evenings she stays over at my place.
We’re still planning the trip, but she’s getting restless because I told her I’ll take care of the flights. I told her I can get good deals because I have a lot of air miles. She believed me.
She’s taking care of the hotel in Dubrovnik, because this is where the wedding is taking place.
I’ve traveled a lot, but I’ve never been to Croatia, so I’m looking forward to it, but what I’m looking forward to most of all is having time to ourselves.
It’ll be for just a few days, but I’m determined to make the most of it.
The day after we land, her friend has a pre-wedding event, followed by the wedding the next day.
The day after, we’ve made plans to explore the city.
It’s all so rushed and so last minute, but I’m secretly thrilled that she asked me to be her plus one.
We leave work together later one evening and head to my apartment, but to my complete shock, we run into Rio and Enzo. On this occasion our timing sucks so much and I freeze. Because the last thing I need is for them to know Elizabeth and I are together.
We stare at one another in uncomfortable silence, then I'm forced to make introductions, because it would be odd not to.
“Uh …” We exchange looks, my brothers and me, and I’m not sure how to introduce her. “This is Elizabeth.”
“Elizabeth.” Rio reaches for her hand, which she is then forced to offer. The smooth talking charmer.
“Hey.” Enzo nods at her. “Nice to see you again.” His hands are firmly entrenched in his trouser pockets.
“I've heard a lot about you.” Rio's cocky smile makes me want to shake it off his face.
The lying toad. “I don't know what he's talking about,” I say to Elizabeth. “He's just being a typical big brother, trying to get me all riled up.”
“Nice to meet you.” Elizabeth is polite and civil.
“When are you leaving?” Rio asks. I casually texted them last weekend to tell them I was going to visit Mama.
“This weekend,” Enzo announces, like he's proud he remembered the details. “I should be able to come. I'm waiting for confirmation that I can move my meetings to next month.”
I almost choke with surprise. “You what? You never said a word about coming.”
This guy is making plans to come on my vacation, our vacation, without consulting me?
“I should be good to go,” he insists. “I want to see Mama and I've almost cleared my schedule for the next two weeks.”
I wipe my hand over my face. Beside me, I hear Elizabeth giggle.
“What’s wrong?” Enzo looks from me, to Elizabeth, and he and Rio stare at me like I've suddenly grown a second head.
Then Rio chuckles. “Gooseberry,” he mutters under his breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear.
I hate that I'm going to have to do this, let my little brother down gently. And equally, I hate that I'm having to define what Elizabeth and I are. I wanted to keep this little secret to myself for a little longer, before my brothers started taking the piss out of me.
“Uh ... sorry, fratellino. We're traveling together.”
Enzo looks confused. “I know. I just told you I can ...” his voice peters out.
“Oh, you mean you and Elizabeth are going together?” Rio asks, like he's dumb and needs me to spell it out for him.
Every cell in my body stiffens as I stare at him in silence. I hate telling these guys about my love life. It's private. Always has been.
“You and Elizabeth are both going to see mom? Together?” Enzo’s eyes widen, as if it means something. “You should have said.”