Chapter 46
MATTEO
The bar feels louder than it should for a Friday night. We haven’t been here since we celebrated Sonny’s engagement drinks. Drinks which Alex arranged.
Now we’re here because it’s Elizabeth’s leaving do and Alex has left the company.
Elizabeth has finished her security audit and there are no more technical issues to deal with, so her project has come to an end.
I offered her a job, but she turned it down saying that she didn’t want to stay here.
She said she’s going back to her cybersecurity firm, but she thanked me for the experience.
The guys are all laughing over a joke someone made. Sonny’s clapping his hands like it’s a celebration, but sadness lingers in the air. Elizabeth has become such a valued member of the team and she’s fit in so perfectly here that it’s sad to see her go.
It’s especially devastating for me.
We’ve been distant for the last two weeks, more like work acquaintances who have no reason to talk, than lovers.
But we decided at the last meeting I had with her, that whenever we have issues or there’s work I can pass on, I’ll reach out to her.
She’s leaving the company, but I don’t want her to leave my life. Not if I can help it.
We’re all sitting around a long table. Sonny, Joel, and a few of the others from the team. There are drinks and food, but no one’s eating. Everyone’s laughing and talking and trying not to think too hard about recent events.
There’s a hole in our large group—Alex was always around, and he’d been here for so long that his sudden departure has been hard to accept.
No one has said his name outright, but it lingers in his absence; a reminder of what’s missing.
At times I glance toward the door half expecting him to walk in.
His betrayal has hit hard, and I imagine Elizabeth feels that way about me. I’m not worthy of her, and I have to accept that I had my chance and I blew it.
The team start talking about Alex, and then Sonny says he’ll be fine, shrugging as he takes a sip of his beer. “Guys like that always land on their feet.”
“Depends what fine looks like,” Joel mutters.
I don’t have anything to say, because I know exactly what happened, what we discovered, what he did and tried to hide. We’ve managed to keep it to ourselves, so the tech guys don’t know the exact reason why he left. Whether they’ve reached out to him, I don’t know.
I made sure that the police weren’t involved.
I didn’t want a public scandal and we didn’t want to press charges.
Just removing him from the company quietly, stripping his access and erasing his name from our internal systems was enough.
The old man wanted to involve the law, but I refused and he had no choice but to accept my decision.
For now, he has to do what I say, until he gets my kidney.
And somewhere out there, after putting pressure on the old man, Alex’s niece is getting a second chance because of a phone call I made. Alex dropped me a message to thank me. It doesn’t right every wrong, but it’s a step in the right direction.
Across the table from me, Elizabeth is laughing at something Joel has said.
It hits me in the chest again, just like it did all that time ago, when we were last here, when I thought she and Joel were flirting, when I didn’t realize that she didn’t see him as someone to flirt with, that I was the one she wanted.
I’ve carried that longing in my heart all this time, but she doesn’t want anything between us.
Still, her laughter is a welcome sound, something I haven’t heard properly in weeks.
She looks lighter and somewhat happier, but not completely.
Not like we were when we first went on the carriage rides in Central Park, or when she first took me to the senior center where I met Arthur and Irene.
How she is with me now, is not that version of Elizabeth.
She holds back, and she’s careful in the way she moves and listens, in the way she is when I’m around.
She doesn’t really look at me. Not the way she used to.
But every now and then our eyes meet, and our gazes hold for a second too long until one of us looks away.
Usually, her.
At least we’ve spoken. I’ve told her where I stand, and I want to keep telling her. I want to keep apologizing every single day, but I can’t. It’s not going to make a difference. Elizabeth is a strong woman. An independent woman. She’s sassy and she has smarts. She has everything going for her.
What I did was unforgivable. I didn’t believe in her or trust her. That’s why Vlad means the world to her, and I mean nothing.
“Hey.” Sonny nudges Joel. “You think she’s going to take over your job? She could maybe come back now she’s some big-shot consultant.”
Joel snorts. “Please. She’d have this place running properly in a week.”
“Properly?” I say, stepping into the conversation. “You saying I don’t?”
“You run it properly, boss,” Sonny says, “but Elizabeth would give it a woman’s touch.”
“A woman’s touch?” Elizabeth wrinkles her nose up. “I like to think I add more than that.”
“You sure do,” Joel answers, easily. Sonny nods.
“You’d like to see Elizabeth replace me?” I ask the boys, grinning.
Elizabeth answers. “Depends how badly you want to be replaced.”
“See?” Joel says. “You’re having threats already.”
“Relax.” Her eyes meet mine. “I don’t want your job, Matteo. You seem to be doing it just fine as it is.”
We look at one another, the corners of her lips curling into a smile, and I can’t help but smile back.
“I should get going,” says Sonny. “I should get out of here before I say something I shouldn’t.”
“You’ve already said plenty you shouldn’t,” Joel remarks.
“That’s exactly why I should leave.” He stands up. “You coming?”
Joel hesitates, glancing between Elizabeth and me. I realize even the tech guys have wandered off and are now at the bar, talking among themselves.
“Yeah,” he says eventually. “I’ll head out.”
They give Elizabeth big hugs, talk about keeping in touch, and exchange numbers.
“Get out, before you have me in tears,” she says.
Joel sighs loudly. “Loved having you around. I’m going to miss you.”
Sonny’s expression sobers. “Likewise.”
They leave, taking the noise and the laughter with them, so that only the white noise of the background now floats between us. The bar is still busy and people are still talking. Music plays low in the background, but at our end of the table, it’s suddenly quiet and uncomfortable.
I wish we could go back to how we used to be, to who we used to be. It kills me inside that we can't. Elizabeth picks up her beer bottle and takes a gulp. I watch the movement of her throat and the way her fingers curl around the top of the bottle.
I shouldn’t notice things like that anymore, but I do.
I always watch her and observe her. I always know what she’s wearing.
I can always tell if she’s slept well or not.
I can always tell if something’s bothering her.
I try to look away, but can't. This could be the last time we're sitting together in a bar.
It will be, asshole.
I let my gaze drift over to the jukebox, wondering, for the hundredth time this week, how we've come to this.
“It’s been a great evening,” she says, pulling my attention back to her.
“Yeah?” I can't stand the idea that she seems happy to be leaving. “If your definition of success is Sonny not embarrassing himself too badly,” I add.
She gives a short laugh, and silence falls between us again.
It's still uncomfortable, and awkward, because we're now strangers who will soon go our separate ways.
Words are aching to tumble out of my lips, but I restrain myself.
I can't tell her how I really feel, how sad I am, how sorry I am, how I wish we could start over.
She doesn't want that. I’ve already said these things.
Time to man up and let go of the best thing that has happened to me. I lean back slightly in my chair. “You’ve handled everything well.”
“Oh?” She lifts her brows a fraction. Our gazes lock and I’m reminded of how she’d stare at me, after we kissed, and when I’d trace the scar above her eye.
I miss that.
“Is that your way of saying I didn’t burn the place down?
” she asks, looking away and lifting her beer bottle to her lips again.
I hesitate, and wonder if I should tell her once more that I miss her, that she was the best thing in my life.
Another voice, Rio's, maybe Dex's, tells me to not be such a wuss.
I clear my throat. “I never forgot what you told me, when you said that if you wanted to destroy my company, I wouldn’t have one.”
“You remembered. You were listening,” she cries, her gaze dropping to my lips, before quickly shooting back up again. My heart flips inside my ribcage.
“I always listen to you.”
Her eyes meet mine again. “That’s a start.”
“Elizabeth,” I say, slowly, leaning forward in protest. “I have always listened to you. I believe in you, even if my later actions showed otherwise.”
“I know. I know.” She dismisses my words with a small wave of her hand, flashing another one of her beautiful soft smiles that are imprinted on my brain. “Let’s not go down there again.”
That hurts. She doesn’t want to talk about us or the possibility of us. I have to let her go.
This is it. After this, she won’t be in my office. She won’t be in the tech lab. She won’t be sitting in front of me. Her desk will be empty, and I’ll feel emptier inside for her not being around.
Tell her how you really feel. It's Enzo's voice in my head this time. But it's too late.
She glances at her watch. “I should get going.”
Gone. The moment is over.
We finish our drinks in companionable silence and while it’s not easy, it’s not unbearable. It’s just not how things should be.